Häxan

(1922) ***

I begin with the oldest horror film in the Criterion Collection's streaming service (other than Nosferatu, which I've already reviewed). Häxan is an early silent film from Denmark. More than half of its runtime is devoted to historical commentary on the reaction of the church to witchcraft (confirmed or alleged) in medieval culture, though slightly less than half of the film is devoted to a narrative about one witchcraft Inquisition. So it's a long-short film sandwiched in the middle of a documentary. Totally counts.

Nowadays, we find the Inquisition to be one of the most appalling movements in the history of organized religion, particularly the brutal investigatory and punitive methods of the church at that time. I don't think I appreciated how much our enlightened perspective about how shitty the church used to be (I know, JohnnySweatpants, I know) is not a new philosophical trend. This movie is just shy of 100 years old and Häxan director Benjamin Christensen makes this stance clear throughout: people victimized by the church during times of antiquity were largely just innocent herbalists and hippies, when the accused was even practicing any kind of pagan ritual at all, and not, say, falsely accused of pagan idolatry by their petty next door neighbor.

At the time of its release, it was the most expensive film produced in any Scandinavian country, and it's easy to see where all the money went. Aside from the principals in the narrative, there are hundreds of extras in the cast, the costumes and the settings are ornate and well made, and in their own quaint "yeah, but it's really old; what do you expect" kind of way, the effects are fun and eye catching. It's not as weird as Cabinet Of Dr. Caligari but there's soup made out of people, demonstration of torture devices, and a baby roasted over an open flame, and the last shot is of some people being burned at the stake. So it passes all the necessary Horrorthon tests. It's not riveting -- I stayed attentive mostly because that's what you have to do when you're watching a silent film, but it's not as fun as Nosferatu so I do not award it that coveted extra 1/2 star. I'd say, as Peter Griffin once said, "there: I just saved you two long, boobless hours", but there actually are some boobs in it. So, yay.

Thon's on, sluts

Whhhoooooooooooooooohhh

bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Chirp chirp. Chirp. Chirp

Crreeeeaaaak

Jigsaw

(2018) ****

Jigsaw is back! Or is he? Wasn't he dead...?
Movie for-fills the daily bloodlust desire! This movie didn't disappoint at all. BUT- If you've seen the trailers, you have seen most of the movie's best parts, except for the grand finale-which is the best part as usual.

We've got the nasty traps that require self sacrificing body parts/blood shedding to survive the next level. I don't remember Jigsaw(John)'s life career, but boy can he make some serious con-trap-tions!
These victims have effected John's life in one way or another and they must confess their sins. Who will survive? And is Jigsaw really alive?

Anime Review: Blood-C

OVA (12 episodes) - Available on Crunchyroll
***

So...anyone seen any weird stuff about evil things that horribly mutilate school kids and people and evil bunnies that eat people?

NOM NOM NOM

This is that anime.

The bunnies only come in the last episode and it's the third in what is called the Blood series, which as far as I can tell is an excuse to have a hot girl kill things with a sword. Looking up what I can, this is basically a separate series, with only a name, some of the main character's background, and weapon of choice being similar.

I don't really think there's a reason to watch the other parts of the series...there might be, but unless I see the others, I can't say that it's important. The way things are set up, there is an obvious mystery to the series, one that makes things interesting, even with the gore. Much of the fear comes the mystery and the monsters, who indiscriminately kill whatever gets in their way, and the setup, once you realize it, makes the show worth a watch, if only because of the creative ways people get killed.

The series itself feels odd and honestly I like it for the mystery, as well as the twist that we finally get by the end. The horror elements of what's going on, the hints of what is really happening, means that when things take their turn and change, you want nothing more than to find out what happens, and to see the final end. A good series to binge, since it's only 12 episodes, and the monsters themselves have some pretty neat designs.

It Follows

(2014)***1/2

It Follows starts off with a very good plot but becomes confusing a few times, specially at the end? Is it over? No, because there is a sequel..sigh. The main character played by Maika Monroe, looks familiar at times. In one light she looks like Chloe Sevigny, another light she looks like Brittany Murphy.

Jay(Maika Monroe) decides to finally have intercourse with Jeff the boy she is dating. After the dirty deed is done Jeff knocks her out, ties her up, and shows her the curse he passed on to her.

This unexplained curse has no origin, but is passed on between sexual partners. The curse is that she is being followed by dead people that only she and previous cursed can see. Jeff tells her that she can't let it kill her or it would come back to him again-she must pass it on! Sounds like an invitation to go on a boinking spree!
These"ghosts" can be shot and spill blood, but nothing stops them. Maybe the sequel will explain it better?

TV Movie Review: Lizzie Borden Took an Ax

Lifetime TV Movie (available on Netflix)
**1/2

Lizzie Borden took an ax,and gave her mother forty wacks/then gave her father forty-one, and left a tragic puzzle... - Amanda Palmer, Ukelele Anthem

I feel like this should've been a movie before this, or if it was, that maybe it should be better known. While the cast in it seems to be carried mostly by Christina Ricci as Lizzie. While it starts with the murders, and goes back to show the tension in the house before the murders...Buzzfeed Unsolved really ruined it for me.

It's still interesting to see her and the dramatization of her life at this point, showing Lizzie to be opportunistic and deceitful when it comes to her family, and especially with some of the things she wants versus what her family has or what others have in their town. Though it might be seen as someone wanting more, the hints of penny-pinching to an extreme, as well as her father and stepmother's actions, also can be seen in a slightly dark light as well. Still, Ricci does a great job of portraying a woman trapped who has either cracked from the pressure or will crack, and showing the way things played out that lead to the disturbing murders double-homicide in the house, as well as the oddness of the accounts and what could have happened.

While there are some discrepancies to the accounts, (again, see the Buzzfeed Unsolved thing), I always like a good period piece and MURDER story, and the build-up to the actual murders is done very well, as is the aftermath and the bloody images, recreated from the crime-scene photos (go look those up, if you dare). The drama beyond it is well done for a made-for-tv movie and how do I always end up with these? Well, at least it's not Syfy movie.
I mean, it's a Lifetime Movie, those have their own issues...

Either way, an interesting thing to watch if you enjoy murder mysteries or period pieces, but overall you're not missing much by avoiding it.

The Void

(2017)****1/2

Just wow! Lovecraft meets Hellraiser meets The Thing, meets The Crazies, meets zombies! Blood, guts and scares all rolled up into one!
I was really tired while watching this and it kept me awake until the end, and that says a lot.

Members of  small town get trapped into their local hospital when a local cop finds a bloody man who stumbled out of the forest and transports him there. A father and son show up armed looking for this man, a woman is having birthing issues and a med undergrad is annoyingly dumb-all under the same roof. After trying to unarm the father and son duo, the cop runs into these people that are surrounding the hospital and realize they won't be allowed to leave.

A nurse goes crazy, killing the guy that ran out the woods and she turns into a monster that resembles The Thing. Cop has hallucinations after shooting the nurse thing and tries for back up. Everything goes downhill for the small towns people after this! Definitely worth the watch!

The Void trailer

Video Game Review: Corpse Party

Corpse Party (Nintendo 3DS/PC Version) - Team GrisGris, XSeed, Others
****1/2

After a school festival, a class decides to do a simple charm to promise they will remember each other forever, to help a friend who is moving away the next day. The charm is called "Sachiko Ever After", which is basically a Creepypasta Ritual, only without the warnings that tend to come with those.

Created originally with an RPG maker back in 1998, Corpse Party underwent a few changed until it reached the current version I'm playing, that of the PC version, which follows similar rules to the PSP and Nintendo 3DS version. I originally played this game on 3DS, after my boyfriend offered up a choice between the third game in a trilogy I liked, or Corpse Party, stating that if I was to play it, it should be at night and with headphones in.
The game did NOT disappoint, and though I wanted to play the 3DS version again, it was on Steam so...PC version it is!

Please note that with a few exceptions, there are minimal changes to the general story, with much of it being to the artstyle added in - for the characters 'puppets' as they talk, or for any scenes. In the 3DS and some of the mobile versions, there are images that come up, while with the PC, you rely more on the descriptions and sounds. Which makes some of the changes in sound all the more jarring when you get there. If you want one good game to play with headphones in the night, and have a few hours, I suggest playing it.



So, for the purposes of not spoiling anything, this is the Sachiko Ever After Game. Play at your own risk:

This is a ritual centered around a folk legend from Tenjin, in Japan. There, a young girl named Sachiko disappeared. It is said that her spirit still wanders the Earth, having been given powers to grant wishes and ease the worries of others.

This ritual is intended to induce communion with Sachiko's spirit and, if performed correctly, Sachiko will pass through and grant the chanters her blessing, and bind everyone involved in the spell together as true friends for all eternity. 

A note of warning: do NOT perform this ritual incorrectly, no matter what your thoughts on rituals. Performing it incorrectly will only anger Sachiko, and trouble will find you quickly.

Requirements: Between two (2) to ten (10) participants

A Sachiko Paper Doll (as seen above) - printed on white paper and completely blank

Instructions: Gather everyone in a circle around the paper Sachiko doll, and everyone must grip the doll firmly, similar to as seen above. Once this is done, invoke Sachiko by chanting in your mind, "Sachiko, we beg of you" in Japanese (Sachiko-san onegaishimasu), one for each participant present. After chanting, everyone holding the doll pulls it apart, leaving each person with a paper doll scrap. Keep the paper on your person at all times, such as in your wallet, an ID holder, or similar.

Succeeding in this ritual will cause nothing to happen, save for the aforementioned linking of everyone as friends forever. However, perform the ritual incorrectly, and you will be dragged down to the cursed Heavenly Host Elementary School.

If you find yourself there, do not despair, and keep your scrap of paper with you. It is your only way out. You must appease specific ghosts within the School, and perform the ritual correctly, in order to escape the School. If you lose your piece of paper, you cannot leave, and if you perform it incorrectly in the School, you will find yourself in a far worse place than before...

An added warning: make sure you include everyone participating. Each one, and ensure the number is right. Don't forget...Sachiko is there too, waiting...