(2007) ***
I recommend reading the thoughtful reviews from Landshark and Crystal Math before proceeding. The concept of vagina dentata opens up a slew of possibilities and this film stimulates dialog about men’s fear of a woman’s sexuality, science vs. religion in the classroom and the dangers that young women face during adolescence. Teeth is also a pointed criticism of the intrinsic evils of the old fashioned "family values" in heartland America. Like many teenage girls, Dawn has difficulty reconciling abstinence education with the biological temptations that accompany puberty. Fortunately (?) her toothy mutation serves as a built in defense mechanism against unwanted penetration. This genetic trait would undoubtedly fail on an evolutionary level (what gene could prevent reproduction more than a penis crusher?) but it’s an excellent launching pad for a satirical horror movie.
And it works quite well on a horror level. Sure, the guys who feel the fangs first-hand all get what’s coming to them but I bet I’m not the only fella who recoiled in sheer terror after hearing the sound of that first crunch.
The one criticism I have is fairly large. Every single male character from boyfriend to doctor to old man offering a ride is depicted as either a pervert or a rapist. I’m not playing the “we poor oppressed men!” card but I feel that the film would have had a lot more “bite” (heh, get it?) if there was just one guy capable of keeping his willie in his pants to counterbalance the rest of the scoundrels.
First rule of Horrorthon is: watch horror movies. Second rule of Horrorthon is: write about it. Warn us. Tempt us. The one who watches the most movies in 31 days wins. There is no prize.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
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Malevolent
2018 ***1/2 It's 1986 for some reason, and a team of paranormal investigators are making a big name for themselves all over Scotland. ...
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I’m sure none of you except for JPX knows that I’m a bit of a germ-a-phobic. It’s annoying, but manageable. Though, since I met JPX and list...
3 comments:
One change I would make is changing the wording from "penis crusher" to "penis CRUNCHER" because that's exactly what it's doing. *chomp chomp chomp*
A-freaking-mazing review, JSP! I'm glad to know you and can recruit you from time to time to proofread my shit. I totally agree with your point about all the men in Teeth either being perverts or rapists (but, does a rapist exist who ISN'T a pervert?) -- it works well as a feminist critique of patriarchal society penetrating the minds of youth to keep themselves ignorant of female anatomy, but it DOES have its faults (and the one you pointed out is the big one).
"Every single male character from boyfriend to doctor to old man offering a ride is depicted as either a pervert or a rapist." ~ Exactly my feeling as well, this one flaw drops the rating down on what would otherwise be a 4 star film.
Interesting. I'm reminded of movies that dictate "this is how high school works" at the outset.
That is a rather hefty defect, but I can see how the concept kind of dictates a pretty specific course of action, biting off any new directions the story might have.
(Snicker)
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