Churchgoing, lonely, most likely borderline, Ingrid lives with her creepy uncle Carl on a farm. Someone is raping women and there are no shortage of suspects including Carl, townie Fonzie-like Frankie, and some new guy who just rolled into town. Adding to the town’s difficulties, the sheriff just learned that Frankie knocked up his underage daughter. Oh yeah, and Ingrid experiences periodic flashbacks about her mother, who apparently killed herself after having sex with a strange man, a situation she walked in on when she was 5-years old. The identity of the man remains a mystery throughout the film, *cough, *cough*, uncle Carl, *cough*. Ingrid spends most of her screen time either taking off her clothes (don’t worry, she’s very careful not to show any nudity) or being attacked. She is raped by Frankie, but also assaulted a number of times by a mystery assailant. Or is she.? People die, or do they? Is Ingrid being abused or is she fabricating reality due to the loose grip she has on her own. The film never really answers these questions and, quite frankly, I would care more about the outcome of a Nascar race than the resolution of this “mystery.”
Why, why, why do I do this to myself every year? Why do I watch movies that I know are going to suck? Sigh. God I couldn’t stand this movie. Ingrid’s constant screaming didn’t make me sympathize with her it just annoyed me. After a while I wanted to beat her with a bag of doorknobs. Completely unlikable characters, a boring redundant plot, ugly locales, bad music, and an unnecessary, nonsensical twist makes Haunts about as riveting as a timeshare sales pitch.
8 comments:
But JPX, if you didn't watch them, we wouldn't have nearly as many laugh out loud reviews!
Well I suppose it is a dirty job...
"Why do I watch movies that I know are going to suck?"
Because every now and then you find a She-Demons! Or was it She-Devils? Nope, I was right the first time, She-Demons.
...and let's not forget The Sadist.
I've found The Crawling Hand and a decent TV movie called The Day the World Ended, starring the finally-starting-to-age Natassja Kinski. And a couple others.
It's like mining for gold, except you have to take the dirt to the bank to try and spend it, and often it's thrown back in your face.
I have a weird feeling I saw Haunts back in the Video Connection days.
Video Connection was our family's first video store back in 1983 or so, which sucked even by the early standards of the time. The woman who ran it would let her obnoxious 10-year-old son run stuff behind the counter, and he loved to yell "out!" before you'd even finished saying the movie title you were after. Little punk.
And that lady had the worst haircut EVER!
...AND I think she wanted to date our Dad...(shudder)
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