
BZZZZZZZ!!

Peaceful way to go or utterly terrifying?
Wheeeeee!
Burning to death can't possibly be fun.

Old age?
First rule of Horrorthon is: watch horror movies. Second rule of Horrorthon is: write about it. Warn us. Tempt us. The one who watches the most movies in 31 days wins. There is no prize.



I wasn't going to do this during the day because I didn't want to drop a post over Haiku Hump Day, but Whirlygirl's sudden entrapment in a Brown University basement leaves me a window. I love doing Best Ofs at the point at which I've finished all my reviews, and of course I didn't do that until last night, so... here goes.
1. Favorite: Ravenous. This movie possesses all-around greatness. Robert Carlyle as a cannibal makes perfect sense.
2. Hidden gem award: Let the Right One In. Everything you want out of a horror movie, sent as a snow-covered sneak attack from Sweden.
3. Most disturbing: It's Alive III: Island of the Alive. Not disturbing in the usual horror movie sense, but disturbing in the way the actors were allowed to hold the movie's hand and lead it wherever they felt like, replicating the feeling of a fever dream for the viewer.
4. Scream Queen: Autumn Beeser in Lost Boys II: The Tribe. Cute as hell, even when covered in blood. Admittedly she had little competition last year. If not for Autumn I would've had to go with Julia Stiles in Omen 666 -- who I think is cute, but she wasn't really working "babe" in that movie.
5. Worst: Legend of the Chupacabra for being cheap without charm. The Masters of Horror entry Dreams in the Witch House also had a generous helping of suck.
6. So Bad It's Good award: The first It's Alive: vintage 70's paranoia and dread set among vintage '70's wallpaper and dread.
7. Goriest: Shallow Ground. Looking back, I didn't watch too much super gore last year, so I'm giving it to the bloody naked boy. There was a decent amount of spatter in Lost Boys II as well.
8. Most memorable death: The poor dude in Pan's Labyrinth who has his face unexpectedly caved in by this guy. Ouch.
9. Best looking monster: Beast from 20,000 Fathoms, baby! Classic Ray Harryhausen sculpture.
10. Scariest: War of the Worlds, for its grand scale depiction of the systematic extermination of the human race.




(2006) ****
Our heroine is Ofelia, who suddenly finds herself in touch with strange, mystical forces that interest her more than the tense situation that is her real life. Her father has died, and to save the family her mother has married a captain in the Facist Spanish military.
This bastard. He's on duty trying to rout a bunch of rebels out of the woods somewhere, and hauls his sickly, pregnant new wife and his stepdaughter out there to hang out with him.
Not that fantasyland doesn't have its own share of danger.
I didn't see that coming, because I was anticipating a sour reaction like the one I had to elements of The Orphanage. That is, the fantasy world in Pan's Labyrinth is only accessible to children, so it leaves you the viewer with a choice to believe whether any of it is happening outside of Ofelia's head. As I noted in my review of The Orphanage, sometimes that really honks me off. I prefer the magic to be actually happening, and as such I scanned Pan's Labyrinth for hints that it was. And there are a few: certain magical objects do seem to have a real life effect on Ofelia's mother's health. But against that there's a scene in which an adult is watching Ofelia talk to a magical creature and for him the creature doesn't exist. The movie wasn't making it easy for me.
(1999) ****
The GPN is a collective of various Godzilla nuts who pool their talents to figure out where the big guy's going to surface next, and then gather data. And it's a "collective" in the purest, most guerilla-charming way, because basically it's this guy above and his young but savvy daughter.
Where the caption says "mobile unit," it really means their van, in which they drive around chasing the world's most famous atomic lizard. The GPN headquarters is their house, and only twice do we see other members besides these two: guys working on their computers in their respective houses miles away from where any of this is happening.
But in this movie they do the same thing, and it actually works! The father-daughter scientist duo is just the best idea. They're tooling around in the rain with all this science stuff, they're really good at their jobs and see Godzilla a lot. Their geeky friends are a great touch. In a world where humongous monsters wander out of the ocean and stomp on stuff, it makes perfect sense.
That's not to say the movie doesn't have it's share of silly. There's a girl reporter character who tags along with the GPN (you can see her hand back there), and some low-level comic relief is to be expected. The special effects have a notably wide range in quality, from cheap-but-servicable to downright laughable.
Later, I named the Lego robot on the left "Superguardian Robot One" to honor this moment of cinematic foolishness.
Here's the good guys tracking the G-man from across a river.
And the shot turns as the road curves, and we get here. They still remembered to distill Godzilla to his essence: something big and dark that towers above the horizon and is going to do whatever it wants to. But they tweaked it nicely.
Sometimes, if you're lucky, all he wants to do is cross the street behind you. I loved this shot. I might be wrong, but I feel like I haven't seen a shot quite like this in any other giant monster flick.
And I would call no Godzilla movie worth your time* if it didn't feature a knock-down fight between two huge rubbery monsters. The flying saucer turns into this for about five seconds...
And then it turns into this.
And then Godzilla's all like "oh NO you DI-int!"A narrow win, but Pa Kent remains the Gold Standard for Comic Dads. Pa Kent represents the notion of nurture-over-nature, as his (and Ma's) warmth and strong values serve as the strongest influence on the worldview of Superman.
(2004) ***
(2008) ****1/2
Isn't that cute? With the little Shazam and everything?
All this is woven together with a chilly little horror movie that's got a good nasty bite. I really can't recommend it enough, if you would please ignore the fact that I waited 332 days to say so.



Happy Halloween everybody! Julie's working late and the boy doesn't have school tomorrow so he's heading to one of those crazy f...