“Captain Zoom!” shrieked a voice from across the crowded dance floor.
Zoom turned. Ah, Miffy. The always-a-bridesmaid younger daughter of the mayor. She never missed these things. It was her older sister that always seemed to have something better to do…
“Hello there, Miffy. Are you enjoying yourself?”
“Oh boy, you betcha, Captain Zoom! Even though this is the 432nd time we’ve celebrated you escaping certain death at the hands of Dr. Cool, and rescuing my sister from one of his nefarious traps, it just never seems to get old!”
“Yes, Miffy,” Zoom answered in his distinctive baritone. “But there’s something about Cool’s last gambit that has me positively…chilled.”
Miffy’s eyes grew wide. “Oh my! Captain Zoom, whatever could you mean?”
Zoom slowly turned his head to face her, piercing her gaze with narrowed eyes. “You know what, Miffy? That’s just what I thought you’d say! Zoom OUT!”
And with that, Zoom leapt off the ground, taking flight in what he knew was a very dramatic moment for the party. The truncated conversation with Miffy would spread like wildfire among the gossip vultures and media celebrity jackals.
“But Captain Zoom!” Miffy cried. “You didn’t answer my question! You just kind of flew off!!!””
In midair, Zoom muttered to himself. “Yes, that’s right, Miffy – I just kind of flew off. Much like I will fly off the handle when I get to the bottom of what Dr. Cool has planned. To the Gonga Science Institute! I must get to their Time Transporter at once!”
Meanwhile, back at the Deep Freeze Fortress…
[Okay, gang – this is an introduction into a whole creative work that has been gestating among myself, JSP, and our friend Jay for years now. I’ve always envisioned it as being directly inspired by the 40s action serials, a la Rocket Man, Flash Gordon, Green Hornet, et al. It’s set in the future, obviously, but I envision everyone behaving as if the craft of acting (and by extension, living) had frozen in time in the 40s, and everyone was either coming from or about to go to one of those elaborate dinner parties that everyone in the 40s seemed to go to. Some thematic images to set the tone:
And Google might be evil, but the Images Search turned up this total hottie:
This is a new introduction to the overall world that already exists in my Word Document folder; I can’t wait to see where the Brain Trust on the blog might take it. “Captain Zoom,” as a name and a phrase, has been used by a number of different production incarnations over the years, but this stuff is obviously completely different (and was conceived with NO knowledge of any other versions…), and is also the most important and the most funny. I’ve included the obligatory Short Story Intro, as well as a Dramatis Personae to help flesh out the world. You can use those parameters, or ignore them completely. And don’t steal this shit. I haven’t copyrighted it yet. :)
And here, in a Horrorthon exclusive, is some original Handsome Stan artwork, which may or may not help visualize what I’m getting at:
And now, the Players:
Captain Zoom: Resident hero of Moon City, adored by the general public but frequently embarrassed by his barely-under-control drinking problem. Standard catchphrases include “Great Frehley’s lightning!” (surprise), “By Morpheus’ beard!” (surprise, again), and “Zoom way out!” (taking flight). Superpowers include super-strength, flying, and flying really fast. Alter ego: Chuck Wincely, mild-mannered usher at the Moon City Multiplex.
Christine S. Green: shapely blond daughter of the mayor of Moon City. Has an unrequited crush on Captain Zoom, based on the fact that she has been rescued from certain doom by him nearly 500 times. She doesn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing any of this, however. Currently dating Chaz Von Crotty, son of the biggest industry magnate on the Moon.
Miffy: younger sister of Christine, has an even bigger unrequited crush on Zoom, and doesn’t disguise it at all.
Dr. Cool: Arch-nemesis of Captain Zoom, wants absolute control of Moon City, has spent a lifetime arranging elaborate traps for Captain Zoom, only to have them constantly thwarted. Moves about in a levitating La-Z-Boy, brandishes a pistol that fires freeze rays, accompanied by numerous catchphrases of Dr. Cool’s own design: “Chill, bitch!”, “Freeze, sucka!” and “I got your ice cube trays right HERE!"
Chickenman: oddly named henchman of Dr. Cool
Malcolm Buttpants: backup henchman of Dr. Cool
Good Figure Man: another champion of justice in Moon City. Would normally be teaming up with Captain Zoom to fight crime, but is constantly thwarted and distracted by the exploits and nefarious activities of Bad Figure Man.
Bad Figure Man: just a total evil dickhead. Wants to kill a lot of people all the time, as well as kill Good Figure Man.
Table: recent newfound friend of Captain Zoom. Owner of a local table store. Possesses the sole superpower of being able to morph his body into a dining room table. Not a very big one, either. Accompanies Zoom on missions, comes in handy about 30% of the time.
Good luck, everyone.
22 comments:
Here's something I forgot to post:
Moon City is the enormous, domed capital city of the state of Tranquility, the first state of the colony of the Moon. Technologically, it is at the forefront of any other city, however, the football team is just no good, as the lower gravity makes the entire team’s bones as brittle as balsa wood. They are the perennial underdogs of the NFL. The city itself is rife with crime, and the citizens live in constant fear of a criminal takeover by Dr. Cool and his army of henchmen. The corrupt police force is of no help, and the only hope for the people is a masked adventurer named Captain Zoom…
I hope that helps.
Haha, this is just awesome... and very challenging. I fear that a week isn't enough time! But I'll give it a shot! (Not gonna go anonymous 'cuz it's pointless.) I hope others aren't intimidated.
Also, I can honestly go either way on the Anonymous postings. Whether you want to divulge your identity or not, I'm okay with it. Taking nothing away from both JSP and Cat's last gambits, I welcome both the admission of identity, or the shroud of mystery that one can create here.
Bring it on, either way.
i'm laughing already.
no doubt i should be intimidated by the fearsome sweatpants, but there's no time for fear. moon city needs us.
I didn't mean intimidated by me AC, I meant intimidated by the elaborate setup. Of course now that you mention it...
my apologies young sweatpants!
i for one find the setup very helpful, because it sets some constraints within which to work, plus it is quite different from the other challenges to date.
What's this about Google being evil? They earned a reputation of being one of the most benevolent companies on the planet.
That was hacker irony. Their corporate slogan is "Don't be evil."
However, they are now becoming so big and so pervasive that the same vultures that circled Microsoft are now circling Google, or so Wired is leading me to believe.
But that chick is hot, right?
I picked up another cool serial at Wondercon a few weeks ago - The Phantom. It's awesome.
“'Captain Zoom,' as a name and a phrase, has been used by a number of different production incarnations over the years, but this stuff is obviously completely different (and was conceived with NO knowledge of any other versions…)"
Ok, the real truth (as opposed to Stan's "fake" truth) is that we first heard the name Captain Zoom when we purchased a custom happy birthday cassette at Toys R Us for our friend Tom Mullen (who lived a few houses down from Octopunk and the Brain). I think we were 15 at the time and thought it was the funniest goddamn thing ever conceived.
"My name is Zoom
And I live on the moon
But I came down to earth
Just to sing you this tune
It's your birthday today!"
The hook was that it sang the moon themed birthday tune to a specific person. So it ended with "Hey Thomas! You're the big star... today!" It's gayer than gay and has been a running joke for years. (I sing it on Jay's voicemail every year.)
Handsome Stan - if you go to the website, you can get custom wedding songs. We've GOT to do it for Jay & Jenn.
This should have no bearing on the Finish It Friday at hand mind you, I just had to divulge 'cuz it's funny as hell.
JPX - thanks for re-posting.
JSP - I always forget the lyrics to that damn song, and how it really was the basis for everything. Thanks for the hilarious reminder.
I'm working all day is this horrible, horrible rain, so I won't have results until tomorrow. I know you're all waiting until 2:59 PST to post anyway...
I'm sorry but I'm not going to be able to finish it friday with the attention that this deserves. I still fully intend on contributing but I ran out of time and I'm headed to Monterey 'till tomorrow night. Obviously judge without me.
Meanwhile, back at the Deep Freeze Fortress, Dr. Cool was ordering his henchmen around in a furious, high-pitched voice. “I’ll teach them not to invite me to their cocktail parties! Go find Christine S. Green, kidnap her, and bring her to me! That will surely lure Captain Zoom into my clutches!” he chuckled evilly, wringing his long, thin hands together. He was so excited at the prospect, he neglected the controls of his levitating La-Z-Boy, which nudged a lab table loaded with beakers of colorful fluids, Bunsen burners, and several glass globes with static electricity crackling inside. The lab items toppled slowly to the floor in a noisy, smelly, smoky crash, infuriating Dr. Cool once again. “Go, before I freeze your ass hairs off!” The henchmen obeyed in a hurry.
Meanwhile, back at the outdoor patio of La Lune Restaurant, Chaz was gazing deeply into Christine’s eyes, his slicked-back hair shining in the candlelight. “It’s so good to finally have some quality time together” he said sincerely. “You’re always being snatched away from me, only to be rescued by Captain Zoom, bless him!” Fortunately Christine couldn’t see that Chaz was digging well-manicured nails into his palms at the thought of his rival. “Now, would you prefer Red Moon Wine or White Moon Whhhhhah?” Before Chaz could finish his sentence, up swooped Chickenman and Malcolm Buttpants on their matched, levitating ottomans. Each henchman grasped Christine expertly by a shapely, exposed arm, and they swooped away with her into the night. Chaz shrugged, pulled out his Moon phone, and dialed a number swiftly. “Hello Gretchen? Say, baby, my Tranquility State University frat brothers didn’t come to town after all. You free for dinner?”
Meanwhile, back at the Gonga Science Institute, Captain Zoom was stepping into a large cylinder of brushed steel, affixed with numerous glowing buttons and dials. “This will buy me the time I need!” he announced to Table, who was patiently holding up china and cutlery as several white-lab-coat-wearing Gonga scientists dined on him, unaware he had switched to table form as part of the most recent adventure (#432) and couldn’t switch back without losing his secret identity until the scientists finished their meal. Captain Zoom placed the Time Dial to the maximum: five minutes into the past. “Between this extra five minutes, and my fastest flying speed, I should arrive at Deep Freeze Fortress just in time to discover Dr. Cool’s most recent chilling scheme!” he stated as he closed the door of the Time Transporter behind him. There was a whir, a clunk, and a bright flash of light, and out burst Captain Zoom, scattering startled scientists and their meals in every direction. “Zoom way out!” he cried as he flew away from the Institute at top speed. So fast did he travel that he was crashing through the walls of the Fortress just as the henchmen arrived with their fair prize.
“Save me, Captain Zoom!” cried Christine bravely yet femininely.
“Never fear, Christine!” he boomed at her.
“That’s where you’re wrong!” giggled Dr. Cool. “Let’s have your lady friend… chill out for a while!” and the evil Doctor blasted Christine with a freeze ray, while a gigantic, complicated, expensive-looking apparatus slowly descended from the ceiling to enclose the helpless maiden.
“Great Frehley’s lightning!” ejaculated Captain Zoom.
“This is my Certain Death Machine!” shrilled Dr. C delightedly. “As soon as I’m done thoroughly explaining my nefarious plan to you, I’ll throw this switch, and the temperature within the apparatus will drop to absolute zero! When you go to save Christine, I’ll drop the other Certain Death Machine on you! And then there will be nothing to stop me from taking control of Moon City! There is no escape this time!” he chortled, throwing back his head and laughing maniacally. Chickenman and Malcolm Buttpants laughed too, but uneasily, not taking their eyes off Zoom.
Zoom thrust his large, manly chin forward. “Not so fast, Dr. Cool!” he shouted, and with that he sped toward the surprised Doctor, commencing to pummel him and the two henchmen. Hordes of fresh henchmen poured into the room, and the air was soon filled with THWAKs and KPOWs, not to mention numerous henchmen in various stages of disrepair bobbling slowly around in the low gravity. Once the beaten men ceased resisting, Captain Zoom tied them up in a gigantic bunch with his Moon Lasso and left them with stern instructions to contemplate the error of their ways. Zoom bounded over to the Certain Death Machine and shattered it with a single megapunch. He then flew around and around the icy, still figure of Christine, warming the air molecules surrounding her, until the color returned to her frozen cheeks and her eyes slowly opened.
“Why Captain Zoom! Once again you have saved me from certain death! How ever can I thank you?” she inquired, batting her eyes at him adoringly yet reservedly. Of course, given the low moon gravity, she wasn’t wearing a bra, and Captain Zoom needed all his superstrength and then some to keep his eyes meeting hers.
“All in a day’s work” he rumbled, holding his feelings deep inside where they belonged. “Now, hang on, and I’ll return you to your father!”
The cocktail party was still in full swing as Zoom entered with Christine on his arm. All eyes turned toward them, and Miffy rushed up excitedly. “Don’t tell me, did we miss adventure # 433?” she asked. Zoom looked at the floor in false modesty. “That’s right, Miffy!” announced Christine. “Captain Zoom has just saved me- again- from certain doom at the hands of Dr. Cool and his evil henchmen!” The crowd applauded loudly. “Hip hip hurrah for Captain Zoom!” cried Miffy. “Now how about a glass of champagne to celebrate?” “Well…” Zoom hesitated, visions of former drunken debacles flashing through his brain at lightning speed. “Well, I suppose one glass couldn’t hurt.”
Oh, the genius of it all, NJSP! Excellent work! Should the show ever see production (I always wanted to do an animated short, but animated in the style of black and white serials from the 40s), I will make this one of the first episodes of Season 1. With a full writer's credit, whoever the hell you are :)
I hope others find the time. I'm inclined to wave the deadline, and just give everyone the weekend, but then that backs the whole thing up to just Finish It Friday.
For now, the deadline stands, but I may be in bed early, so I won't look TOO closely at the timestamps as I'll be reading (hopefully) more on Saturday morning...
I'm so sorry Stan, I truly meant to submit here but my week was a train wreck and I just never found the time to write.
I just read NJSP's entry and I have to say that it's magnificent. Had I written one I'm sure it would have paled next to such great writing. Excellent! Now I feel a little better about not writing :)
Oh, Cat, Cat, Cat - what am I going to do with you?
That's fine, seriously. I'm off to see the Sox play the Mets in NY this afternoon, so I'm going to pretend that I haven't had time to check the blog yet.
Meanwhile, back at the Deep Freeze Fortress, Dr. Cool floated into his private chambers, brooding. Settling his chair into its usual spot, he looked around to make nobody could see him. Then he got up, put his hands on his bony hips and arched his back for a vigorous stretch.
"OHHH yeah!" he groaned, tilting his head back, "that's the stuff!"
He then flounced back into the recliner and considered the three computer sceens before him, each displaying a potential scheme. His Moon Science Division had nearly worked out how to free Dark Zoom from his prison at the moon's core, so that had promise. But the Genetics Division had already turned in their mutating formula, ready to be secretly fed to the beasts at the Moon City Zoo. On the third screen was another kidnap scenario, to be performed in tandem with whichever scheme he chose.
Dr. Cool nodded to himself. He pictured the wretched Zoom stuck in the maw of a giant, slavering Marsosaur. "Yep, that's the one" he said out loud.
The sound of his own voice made him realize he'd only been halfway paying attention to his own thoughts. Something was nagging at him, some detail about this last caper... it was Christine. She'd been behaving unusually, and he couldn't put his finger on it. The whole time she was in his clutches, she was detached, she didn't seem to care, she just kept asking questions about...
"About the Time Transporter!" He whipped his chair around, instinctively facing the direction of the Gonga Science Institute. He was about to bark "ready my ship!" into the speaker, when... everything... changed
Zoom looked at the curved horizon of Moon City, resplendant in the sunlight filtered by the dome. "My city," he thought, with a smile on his lips. He would use the Time Transporter to go back long enough to hide himself somewhere inside the Gonga Science Institute. From there he could watch his last showdown more carefully, and catch whatever clue it was he had missed.
This would be the fifth time he had used this gambit, and it worked well. He was always extra careful not to interfere with the past, lest he change his present. "Besides," he said with a smirk, "it's not like I needed the help the first time, heh heh!"
His smirk vanished as the city beneath him was suddenly shrouded in a murky grey nothingness, and then everything... changed
"Wincely!"
"Wincely!"
Chuck Wincely shook his head and looked across the Multiplex. Hadn't he just been flying?
"WINCELY!"
"Uh, yes boss?" Suddenly he noticed the stiff confinement of his usher's uniform, feeling uncomfortable in a completely new way.
"Look, either sign on for another shift, get the hell out of here, or buy a ticket! Your shift is over! Scram!"
Recovering his composure, Chuck made a beeline for the side door. This must be the very scheme he was hoping to undo! Gaining the alley next to the theater, he looked around, grabbed the scruff of his own shirt, and leapt from the ground. Changing costume while taking off was a stunt reserved for a top-flight emergency, and this certainly qualified.
CRASH! For several seconds, Chuck sat on the garbage-strewn ground, unable to process what had happened. This was even stranger than finding himself suddenly at work. Eventually it dawned on him: he wasn't wearing his Captain Zoom uniform beneath his usher's uniform -- that's why it felt so oddly uncomfortable. But worse, he couldn't fly!
"I can't fly?" he said, despondent. "But what about? OWW!!" He had instinctively punched the brick wall, expecting to put a fist-sized dent in it. He rubbed his fingers as he staggered from the alley, utterly crestfallen. In his awful state he didn't notice the haggard man selling pencils until he knocked right into him.
"Oh, I'm sorry." he said, still too thunderstruck to bend down and help the man. Suddenly a shadow covered them both, and Chuck looked up to see a burning hover truck careening straight towards them both.
Without Zoom's reflexes, it seemed he was stuck in amber. He bent down to pick up the pencil-seller, and even as he stooped he knew they weren't going to make it. He ducked his head and grit his teeth...
And nothing happened. He then looked up to the worst sight he'd seen during this whole crazy day.
The tanker truck was being held aloft by two flying women, outfitted in costumes that were variations on his own now-nonexistent one. Despite their masks he recognized them both instantly as the Green sisters.
"The Zoom Sisters!" someone yelled from the crowd. Miffy afforded the public a loving, smiling look, her gaze sweeping past Chuck and not stopping for even a moment. Then she looked back at Christine. "How about it, Zooma? Should we take out the trash?"
Chuck felt no surprise as he looked down the street and saw a giant, lurching robot. Shellshocked, he looked at Christine.
"You know it, Zoomina!" And with that, they hurled the blazing truck down the street, aiming perfectly so that the explosion blasted the head off the humongous bot. It clanged to the street, and the robot's body followed suit, collapsing on its ass like a baby learning to walk. Where the head used to be was none other than Chaz Von Crotty, decked out in laboratory whites, silver goggles, and crackling power gloves.
"It's not over yet, Zoom Sisters!"
Chuck could take no more. He plunged through the doors of Moon Moe's Bar, right next to the Multiplex, ordered a shot of scotch, and knocked it back in an instant, relishing the sweet, familiar rush of relief that would soon follow.
Thirty seconds later he was on his hands and knees on the sidewalk, dry heaving and spitting. His powers weren't the only thing gone, so was his tolerance. "Weak" he said desperately, "I've become weak in every way that counts."
"Ah, so you remember too." Chuck looked up into the sardonic grin of the pencil-seller, and recognition dawned.
"Dr. Cool!" he said, scrambling to his feet, fists clenched. "I knew you were behind this!"
"Behind this! Look at me!" Dr. Cool gestured to has shabby clothes. "I don't even have my chair! It's that chippy of yours, Christine. During our last caper she must've got the idea to rewrite history!"
"She only got that idea from you!" screamed Chuck, redfaced.
"Too true, too true. But without you to thwart her, she succeeded far beyond anything I've ever done. Look at us both! Reduced to the sidelines while she, her sister and her rich boyfriend have all the fun!"
Suddenly, the sense of betrayal swept over Chuck like a wave, and he felt himself on the verge of crying. "But why would she do that? And why do we remember?"
"She did it because she's sick of you, obviously!" sneered Dr. Cool, "sick of us both, I suspect. Kidnapped hundreds of times, saved hundreds of times. No progress. Women like things to go forward, you know. As for your second question, I think we remember because of The Case of the Time Ghosts, do you remember?"
"Yes! The versions of ourselves from the future gave their lives to save Moon City!"
"Correct. And you and I, in secret, have lived in a time zone that wasn't really ours ever since. We thought a five minute difference wouldn't matter, but I guess that can make all the difference, hmm?" He looked at Chuck and noticed the was hardly listening, his watery eyes focused on some point in the distance. "But ENOUGH!"
Chuck snapped out of his miserable reverie "what do you mean?"
"I mean we've got to set things right! What say you to your strangest team-up ever, Captain Zoom?"
Chuck looked down at Dr. Cool's extended hand...
TO BE CONTINUED
Scenes from next week!
DRINKING! (Chuck downs a swig of Moon Wine Cooler, keeps it down, grins widely)
DOUBLE CROSS! (Dr. Cool, dressed in outlandish civilian attire, looks up at the Zoom Sisters just after an apparent disaster thwarting)
Dr. Cool: Ladies, I must warn you! There is a young man in town determined to undo all your good works!
WISH-FULFILLMENT! (Chaz Von Crotty staggers against a bank of glowing dials, his face bloody, Chuck Wincely approaches him, rolling up his sleeves.)
THE MOON! (Static shot of the moon. Sound of crickets.)
TUNE IN!
Octo/Evil Arm/Cross - did you just accidentally reveal YOUR secret identity? I'm hoping against hope more people find the time, because as it is even with only these two stories, it's gonna be torture selecting the winner. Well done, people!
God, I totally did. And I only just realized it about two minutes ago. Sigh. It's so hard being evil.
Worse than that, I just noticed this:
"Suddenly a shadow covered them both, and Chuck looked up to see a burning hover truck careening straight towards them both."
Can we just assume I did another round of editing and axed one of those "both"s? Otherwise I'll have to use the Time Transporter
Your secret is safe with me. I'm working tonight until 9 or 10, so I'll have results hopefully a little after that. West Coast People and Male Model Moms, you know who you are - the clock is ticking!
Meanwhile, back at the Deep Freeze Fortress, henchmen Malcolm and Chickenman busily tied Christine S. Green up to a pole in a quick and efficient manner. This was the ninth time in as many days that they performed this very task and they did it with resigned, dishwasher-emptying looks on their faces. In the background Dr. Cool levitated comfortably in his Lay-Z-Boy, seemingly deep in thought.
"If Captain Zoom finds out about this you'll..." Christine was promptly duct-taped into silence and the evil mastermind and his two cronies breathed a collective sigh of relief. Dr. Cool pondered for a minute. His last four hundred thirty two schemes were very clever indeed but each one failed in unexpected, demoralizing ways thanks to his sworn nemesis. He was thoroughly out of ideas and he desperately needed a nap but with a reputation on the line and an awkward silence to break he announced:
"Anyway as I was saying earlier, the best way to kill people is to poison the water." He tried to present his latest plan with inspired mad genius enthusiasm but no one was buying it, not even himself. It was hardly groundbreaking - Bad Figureman attempted a similar genocidal attack only three weeks earlier but was promptly thwarted and is now serving a triple-life sentence at South Moon City Low-Risk Correctional Facility. (If his good behavior continues he'll be back on the streets mid-May.) He continued, "That's why I concocted this deadly Space Powder! When mixed with water and ingested, it freezes the esophagus causing the victim to die or some shit."
Malcolm was quite impressed and he nodded his head in admiration. "See? That's why I love this guy. He's always three steps ahead." Chickenman stared blankly and then realized that the others expected a reaction.
"U-S-A!" was the only thing that came to mind so he shouted it. Dr. Cool and Malcolm were noticeably disappointed by this but carried on.
Cool continued, "So the way I see it, we should break into the Moon Water Supply Factory and psst psst psst..."
CUT TO Happy Hour at the Gonga Science Institute Bar and Grill. Captain Zoom is in the middle of an anecdote and has the full attention of the surrounding barflies.
"No wait, it gets better! So right before Indestructible Guy exploded from my moon rocket I quipped 'Guess you're not so indestructible after all, are you?' And then - KA-BLOOIE!" He made a hand motion while he said this to punctuate the point and it was very well received. While the crowd shared a hearty laugh and clanked glasses, Captain Zoom ordered another shot of tequila and admired himself in the mirror behind the bar. He thought "Goddamn, you're good looking."
Big Louie the bartender looked somewhat concerned and felt it was his moral duty to say something. "You've been drinking a lot tonight, chief. Even more than usual. Maybe you should chill out and drink a glass of water before the next round?"
The gears in Captain Zoom's superhumanly intelligent mind suddenly sprang into action. "Chill... water... Of course - GREAT FREHLEY'S LIGHTNING! The Water Supply Factory! ZOOM OUT!" And with that he skyrocketed out of the window, leaving his admirers to argue over who's going to pay for his bar tab this time around.
CUT BACK TO Deep Freeze Fortress.
"Are we almost ready? I feel like we're forgetting something. Did you remember the sandwiches?"
"Yup, I've got the cooler and the trunk's packed with the Deadly Space Powder but there's a bunch of leftover crap in the passenger seat from last night. Give me five minutes to clean it out and we'll be good to go."
Captain Zoom suddenly flew into the room like a man on a mission. He stood front and center with his hands on his hips for a few seconds to give everyone ample time to appreciate the moment. Then he walked over to the pole and removed the duct tape from Miss Green's. As much as he enjoyed saving the curvy mayor's daughter from danger, the whole duct tape to the pole thing was getting old.
"Christine!," he shouted, alarmed. "You're wearing the same dress from last night!"
Christine was embarrassed. "That's right Captain Zoom. They were waiting for me in the closet when your dropped me off after the whole Death By Monsters crisis. Somehow they escaped the Moon Police buggy and beat me home!" Zoom stopped listening after the first sentence and was busy surveying the room, carefully picking out which ass he was going to kick first. Malcolm made the first move and threw a beaker of space acid directly at his face. He managed to deflect it and save himself from serious harm but it gave Chickenman the opportunity to tackle him to the ground. The two rolled around and punched each other's faces repeatedly. Before long Zoom gained the upper hand and threw Chickenman through two tables. While the Captain shook himself off and admired his work, Malcolm grabbed him from behind and applied a headlock. All the while Dr. Cool levitated and worried from a safe distance.
Zoom quickly broke the headlock, flipped him over then and kicked Malcolm through a wall. "Hahaha! Omigod, did you see that Christine? He must be so pissed!"
"Look out!" Christine warned. Chickenman was back on his feet and angrier than ever. He charged with full force. Captain Zoom dodged without breaking a sweat and the thug plowed head first into the giant computer with the oversized buttons. The combination of smoke, flashing lights, malfunctioning sounds and screaming created a spectacle that even Dr. Cool could appreciate.
Zoom turned to Christine with shameless self confidence. He could not WAIT to share the witty punchline that popped into his head. He cleared his throat and began "I suspect their 3 year warranty doesn't cover... " but Malcolm interrupted with several square jabs in the jaw. He was back and more focused than ever. A fierce roundhouse knocked our hero to the floor. Before he could get up he was frozen solid by Dr. Cool's patented freeze gun.
"Freeze sucka!" said the cool and aloof evil mastermind. "Sorry it had to end like this Zoom but I can't let you stop me again. Now if you'll excuse us, we have an entire population of good intentioned citizens to murder." Dr. Cool chuckled as he pushed the "Fortress Self Destruct" button and levitated outside.
Zoom was helpless. He could barely muster enough strength to make his final point. "That gun... is so... unfair... you'll pay for this... Dr. Cool..."
Within 30 seconds, the fortress exploded, imploded and was then covered in lava from a nearby volcano that coincidentally erupted at that precise moment. Even though Captain Zoom is a resilient crime fighter that has survived countless similar situations, there's no possible way he could ever have escaped certain death this time around.
NEXT WEEK: The Martian Cannibal's Rebuttal!
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