Caption Contest Hijack!

I'm not telling you who won the caption contest! Take that!

My purpose is singular: I'm hijacking Wednesdays and all the other days for Horrorthon-related discussion and contest-type thingies. I'm gonna get that post going shortly. This is just the post in which I fire a machine gun into the ceiling and tell you what's what. But since I'm not a jerk, here are the strips with the words restored.

Marvin
Hey JPX! More poop jokes!

Spider-Man
What a doofus.

Family Bleahbleah
Notice how I greened out the Back To School sign? I practically wrote photoshop, dawg!

Garfield
I wish to God that fish had been a character that talked and joked before Garfield ate him.

Wonder Woman
Think expository thoughts, Diana!

Netflix Splitting Into Two Companies, Netflix For Streaming, Qwikster For DVDs & Games

Grom geekology, Because everyone was all, "oh no you di-in't!" when Netflix announced their price-hike, the company has decided to split into two parts in a feeble attempt at damage control. The streaming company will still be called Netflix, but the DVD-by-mail portion will now be known as Qwikster, and will soon incorporate a video game upgrade option but NOT a price downgrade option. No word if they plan on rolling out a "curtained back of the rental store" porn service, but I'm not touching those discs if they do. Well, not without my gauntlets on anyway.

Nic Cage vampire picture will set you back a cool million

From WWTDD, Though it seems to be down this morning, a seller on ebay is asking for 1 million dollars to buy a picture he claims is proof that Nic Cage is some sort of undead vampire.

“Personally, I believe it’s him and that he is some sort of walking undead/vampire, et cetera, who quickens/reinvents himself once every 75 years or so,” the seller — who’s asking $1 million for the photo — writes on eBay. “150 years from now, he might be a politician, the leader of a cult, or a talk show host.”
The seller, who goes by the name Jack Mord and has 100% positive feedback, insists the photo is the real deal and has not been manipulated in any way to make it resemble Cage.
“Any serious potential buyer will be allowed to have a photo expert of their choice examine the original photograph before any money changes hands,” he adds on eBay.

Wow. One million dollars for a picture of someone who vaguely looks like Nic Cage. That sounds like a good deal. I could get the exact same picture here with a right click-save as, but this auction thing sounds a lot easier. I don’t have all day to be moving my mouse back and forth and hitting all kinds of buttons.

Burger King dethrones the King

From usatoday, [excerpt] In the first of many steps to reinvent itself over the next year, the struggling fast-feeder Friday will announce that it's dethroning the creepy King character — and other wacky, teen-targeting stuff — and refocusing on a customer it had all but forgotten: Mom.

[JPX] I just wanted an excuse to post that picture.

Again I ask, what happened to Sinead O'Connor?

Fox Considering Creating "The Simpsons" TV Channel

From worstpreviews, During a recently Media Communications and Entertainment Conference, News Corp COO Chase Carey revealed that 20th Century Fox Television is considering creating a TV channel completely dedicated to "The Simpsons."

He said that the animated show has "no signs of slowing down" and the network believes that this would be a new way of generating revenue outside of syndicated repeats and DVD sales.

Carey mentioned that this likely won't happen for several years since there are plenty of syndication deals in place that will need to expire.

It's not clear what will air on this channel, but it sounds like it will just show non-stop episodes of "The Simpsons." If the show finally comes to an end after its 500th episode and since each episode is 22 minutes, that means that there are a total of 11,000 minutes of footage. Since there are only 1,440 minutes in a day, the channel can run the animated series 24-7 for more than a week before repeating an episode. And if there are commercials, which there likely will be, that stretches out to a whopping 11 days without a single repeat.

"Happy Gilmore" and "Seinfeld" Actress Frances Bay Dead at 92

From worstpreviews, Frances Bay, the actress best known for playing Adam Sandler's grandmother in "Happy Gilmore" and ruining Jerry Seinfeld's father's election chances after Jerry stole a marble rye from her on "Seinfeld," has passed away on Thursday after being ill with various infections. She was 92.

Bay has appeared in more than 50 films and 100 television shows, but was also popular as a stage actress in local theaters. Her right leg was amputated below the knee after she was struck by a car in 2002, but returned to acting, appearing regularly as Aunt Ginny in the ABC sitcom "The Middle."

She was also a regular character actress for director David Lynch, who cast her in "Blue Velvet," "Wild at Heart," "Twin Peaks" and "Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me."

Bay's husband died in 2002, and their son died when he was 23. She has no immediate survivors.

Because George likes to make changes...

[via geekology]

This trailer for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is blowing my mind

It's all about the brilliant cover of Led Zepellin's Immigrant Song by Trent Reznor. Great imagery, great editing, but that fucking song! I recommend watching it big.

What is your superhero name?

[via buzzfeed]

[JPX] I'm "Green Mouse"

Friday the 13th

(2009) ***

And my roundup of remakes plodded on in 2010. You may recall that I bitched mightily about Rob Zombie's Halloween remake, but I felt no such ire at the rebooting of the Friday the 13th franchise. People will say (not so much people here, but some other people) "O why bother making a remake?" But I ask you: with this particular bucket of beans, why not? We're talking about a series that already racked up eleven movies -- eleven! -- that ended with a goddamn horror movie franchise crossover event a la Dracula Meets the Mummy -- which only sounds crazy until you remember that by that point they had already sent their killer woodsman to New York, Hell and freakin' outer space. Friday the 13th was already a knockoff in 1980 and by Freddy vs. Jason the franchise had already autosodomized itself every possible way. A reboot makes perfect sense. All they have to do is stick to the four Ts: Trees, Tits, Tachetes and Tockey Tasks.

I do have some gripes about some of Jason's behavior. In the first volley of murders he keeps one girl alive and imprisons her in his lair because she looks like his mom. Whuaah? Jason doesn't imprison people, he kills them. And later on he sets a trap by stuffing a girl in a sleeping bag and suspending it over a fire; when her boyfriend runs in to save her, he steps on a bearclaw trap. For me, that's way too much dipping into The Hills Have Eyes's bag of tricks. He's not one of those damn cannibalistic, psychologically bullying hillbillies, he's a big 'ol walking pile of murder. I dimly recall these deviations really honking me off when I watched it, but 11 months later they seem like minor complaints. (Who writes movie reviews eleven months after they watch a movie? I mean, seriously, who does that?)

It may be hard to say what, if anything, the 2009 Friday the 13th adds to the world, but I feel we here at Horrorthon Ltd. will never miss the value of a few more pretty pretend corpses added to the pile. There's even some great opportunities to yell at the movie, like the final stinger scene in which Jason returns from the dead to springboard another sequel. You'll yell because this happens when the surviving characters take Jason's body to the dock to dump it in the water. Why? Whyyyyyy??? Why would you not save it for the cops? Why would you bother carrying that heavy dude all that way? You idiots.

Hee hee hee...