Quantum of Solace

2008 ***

I though this was worth another look, but alas my opinion is unchanged. Casino Royale was an exciting, game-changing achievement for the James Bond franchise that shut the mouths of anyone skeptical of Daniel Craig or this newfangled (back then) idea of the "reboot," my mouth included. But if they'd led with Quantum of Solace instead, there probably wouldn't be any Bond franchise anymore.

After a brilliantly promising opening car chase, Quantum just turns to flat, fizzy soda and stays that way. For me the lifeblood of any Bond flick is the action sequences, and there are the requisite amount -- they're just marked by some bad visual communication. They're not quite as bad as the shaky-cam/jumpcut/Uwe Boll faux action meatloaf I often gripe about, but there were multiple times a killing blow was struck (to a plane, boat, guy) and I squinted, said "huh?", rewound for a second viewing and still came up empty. Perhaps getting the director of Monster's Ball has something to do with this deficiency.

I've read that people have found the plot confusing, but I suspect that's because they don't realize the truly underwhelming place it gets to. The story shoots for relevance, as the villainous cabal is a bunch of amoral rich people, but the cinematic punch of their master stroke isn't really a punch at all. "We are now THE Department of Water for all of Bolivia! And we will DOUBLE your rates!" I'm not sure if there's anything actor Mathieu Amalric could have done to beef up his villainy; he was excellent in Munich so I give him the benefit of the doubt. But ultimately he's written not so much evil as just rich and entitled, and that doesn't cut the bad guy mustard outside of a John Hughes movie.

"If Blaine goes to the prom with that poor girl I will just SHIT."
Finally there's the matter of what could be the most ridiculous setting of a Bond climax ever. It's a super-fancy hotel for super-rich people that for no reason at all is located in the middle of the desert. It's basically a supervillain lair that you rent out, and I know I'm right because it comes complete with a self-destruct device. There's one tossed-off comment about the hotel's fuel cells, and then shortly afterwards a jeep crashes into the wall in the parking garage and without any further help THE ENTIRE HOTEL CATCHES ON FIRE. Can you imagine if there was a building -- no, excuse me, a hotel-- with such a ludicrous, lethal flaw? It's like putting the Death Star exhaust port in an enclosed space with a bunch of drunk people and several SUVs.

To be fair, Daniel Craig and Judi Dench are always great and the character arcs are worthwhile. I tease French James Spader up there, but he and the rest of the cast all hold up their ends. I would never suggest skipping it, because I love James Bond movies and of course you gotta see all of them. But tonight I kept waiting for the happy surprise and it never showed.

ParaNorman

2012 ****1/2

Luckily enough I was working on the upcoming season of Robot Chicken the same week this movie came out, and Stoopid Buddy Stoodios bought a ticket for everyone. (The stop-motion world being as tiny as it is, we had a couple of the movie's animators with us on staff to boot.)

I was looking for a trailer with a nice plot summary so I didn't have to do one. This trailer fails on that note, but it does capture the mood and the rather striking visual style. Norman is an outcast kid cursed/blessed with the Sixth Sense sense, and it really is heartbreaking seeing his neighbors watch him walk to school every morning. How could they not shake their heads, as he politely ducks, dodges and cheerily greats a streetful of people who aren't there. But they are, they're just dead. Then his visions kick up several notches and he learns it's down to him to protect his town from a centuries-old curse.

The story is not epic in scope, which is why it works as well as it does. It's small, but nearly perfect. And the technical aspect of this movie is unmatched; these are some of the best puppets and stop-motion animation I've ever seen. Recommended for everyone (although it's not out on dvd until November, dang it).

I will now make a general observation: while there is an inherent spookiness to the sight of stop-motion, many of my friends in the industry bemoan the fact that it's locked in to the goth/horror mode. That might sound funny coming from me, here, but I know I'm right. Can you imagine a goofy Flash Gordon style sci-fi adventure done this way? I can.

"Morgan Freeman dead!" declares Facebook "Fuck All Y'all" declares Morgan Freeman

(From TheWrap.com) Breathe easy, Morgan Freeman fans - the internet has once again failed to kill off the "Shawshank Redemption" star, despite its best efforts.

Freeman was once again the victim of an online death hoax this week, after a Facebook page announcing the 75-year-old actor's demise amassed more than 842,000 "likes."

"At about 5 p.m. ET on Thursday, our beloved actor Morgan Freeman passed away due to a artery rupture," the page reads. "Morgan was born on June 1, 1937. He will be missed but not forgotten. Please show your sympathy and condolences by commenting on and liking this page."

That truly would be sad news, if there were a shred of truth to it. However, the actor's spokesman told TheWrap that Freeman is, in fact, alive and well.

Rumors of the actor's demise, meanwhile, seem immortal. In late 2010, the actor was the victim of another prank claiming that the actor had died in his home.

Freeman has also been the target of perhaps nastier scuttlebutt over the years. Media reports that the actor planned to wed his step-granddaughter E'Dena Hines became so ubiquitous earlier this year that he was forced to issue a public statement to the contrary.

Biggest Bacon Number

Sorry to knock down His Supreme Monkey Face, but I felt this was relevant. I don't understand how Chris Evans doesn't rate a Bacon number and this guy does, but I think it's interesting that the degrees pass through two real presidents and ends on a movie about a fake president. I mean a fake movie about a real president. I mean, it's a real movie, but... um... oh, forget it.

Now I have to stare at the Lesula's face to relax. Ahh...

Don't worry, the Lesula isn't here to judge.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D trailer

From horroryearbook, One of the most rebooted horror franchises is getting another reboot!

Lionsgate has created a new sequel to Tobe Hooper’s original 1974 horror classic. If you’re keeping score: There are two originals The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) and Platinum Dunes remake in 2003, one prequel, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006), two kinda-reboots, Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990) and Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994), and now two sequels, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre II (1986), and Lionsgate’s Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D (2013).

I know Leatherface was called part 3, but it was basically a reboot, which attempted to make Leatherface the new Freddy, who “died” in 1991. I have no explanation for The Next Generation, and it hardly seems like a sequel to the first three. Anywhoo, that’s a lot of fucking reboots. Check out the official description and trailer for the second sequel, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D, which will hit theaters(?) on January 4.


Lionsgate’s TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D continues the legendary story of the homicidal Sawyer family, picking up where Tobe Hooper’s 1974 horror classic left off in Newt, Texas, where for decades people went missing without a trace. The townspeople long suspected the Sawyer family, owners of a local barbeque pit, were somehow responsible. Their suspicions were finally confirmed one hot summer day when a young woman escaped the Sawyer house following the brutal murders of her four friends. Word around the small town quickly spread, and a vigilante mob of enraged locals surrounded the Sawyer stronghold, burning it to the ground and killing every last member of the family–or so they thought.

Decades later and hundreds of miles away from the original massacre, a young woman named Heather learns that she has inherited a Texas estate from a grandmother she never knew she had. After embarking on a road trip with friends to uncover her roots, she finds she is the sole owner of a lavish, isolated Victorian mansion. But her newfound wealth comes at a price as she stumbles upon a horror that awaits her in the mansion’s dank cellars…

Bacon Number

(Feel free to bump this lower, I just think it's hilariously awesome)

From theguardian:

Google builds Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon  into its Search System

It is the party game beloved of cinephiles everywhere, one which rewards detailed knowledge of the career of one of the finest actors never to receive an Oscar nomination. And now it is even easier to play: Google has built Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon into its search system.
Devised in January 1994 by a trio of students at Pennsylvania's Albright college, the original game was based on the idea that it is always possible to connect every movie actor in the world back to the Footloose star in no more than six associations. A website, board game and book later emerged and an initially reluctant Bacon eventually embraced the phenomenon by launching his own site, SixDegrees.org, to foster charitable donations.

To use Google's system, the user simply types in the words "Bacon number" followed by the name of the actor. By way of example, typing "Bacon number Simon Pegg" reveals that Bacon and the British actor are linked by Tom Cruise, because the latter appeared in 1992's A Few Good Men with Bacon and in 2006's Mission: Impossible III with Pegg. Pegg therefore has a Bacon number of two, indicating two degrees of separation.

[DCD - I've spent the last twenty minutes typing actors and actresses names into google.  Almost every single one has been either a 1 or a 2 degree separation. We found one actress that was a 3. It's pretty wild. And I have to laugh thinking about the people who got assigned this job at google.]

You can read the entire article here

The Possession

(2012) **1/2

A father in the midst of divorce purchases a strange box for his daughter at a yard sale. Unfortunately the box contains a nasty Jewish spirit who yearns to possess the child.

What can I say, there was potential but they missed pretty much every opportunity to make this film actually scary. Like so many recent films it was totally reliant on special effects and startling noises to try and get a jolt from the audience. Sorry dudes, that shit is just not cutting it anymore. However, the popcorn was fresh and buttery so the night wasn’t an entire waste.

Horrorthon awaits! Let's practice!

You guys gave me such a great reception when I did my ten days of Horrorthon pregame last year, I was intending to come in earlier this September and whip up some hype. Earlier, even, than this random "17 Days to Go!" post you're reading now. But real life kerfuffery has been getting in my face (more on that later), and I've not got around to it.

Therefore I'm delighted that Cat and Crystal have gotten the wagon rolling and I think we should all hop on. I propose a cluster bomb of mini-reviews. I'm going to spit out a short post for anything I can think of that I've watched in the last couple of months. If any of you have time and do the same, I promise I'll comment. That way we can flex our postin' and conversatin' muscles.

And just to keep this announcement relevant I'll keep it on top of the blog; see BELOW for my subsequent posts. I'll stop when somebody else posts something.

Horrorthon!

Wrath of the Titans

2012 **

I know this didn't come out this summer but I just Netflixed it a few weeks ago. As with the Clash of the Titans remake, what seems like a can't-lose setup (guy fights monsters!) quickly proves itself about as fun as playing with a wet, gray dishrag. And I don't choose that simile lightly; one of the constant fails of this movie is the bleached-out aspect of the visuals. I suppose it's meant to be gritty or something. The disappointment is thorough enough that I noticed it as it happened. "Gosh, there's Pegasus flying over a rocky landscape with some old Grecian buildings and it's all silhouetted agains the distant sun and YAWN how did they fuck this up so bad?"

Also, I am convinced that Sam Worthington is just NOT the guy; he will never truly occupy the A-list action niche which the key players in The Expendables created. I doubt we'll see much of him after the Avatar franchise has run its course (and we won't be actually seeing him in that anyway, ha ha).

The story should have stuck closer to the movie posters, more monster fight-y and less quest-y. And there's a lot of stuff in the movie that the trailers wisely ignored: the Russell Brand-like actor playing the "comic relief who redeems himself" son of Poseidon or the crappy CG cyclopses clumsily ruining an already tepid sweeping aerial shot of our heroes plodding through a forest. There are some decent monster scenes at the beginning and the end, so you may want to tune in for that. If you do, brace yourself for one of the most awkward, by-the-numbers ending kisses in the history of cinema.

The Raid: Redemption

2011 **** (general rating) ***** (action movie rating)

50PageMcGee and I saw this when it was still showing in LA, and all I can really say is watch that trailer and know that every punch is a promise and every promise is kept. Like John Woo's Hard-Boiled or The Matrix, watching this movie feels like the action genre just gained something genuinely new, which is incredibly rare. For a good laugh, check out the full cast and crew list on imdb. Most of it is broken down as "drug's lab guard #1, drug's lab guard #2" and so on, all the way up to twenty. If you like clown cars but wish instead that the car is a twenty-foot length of hallway and the clowns are knife-wielding maniacs, your day has come. I urge any fan of over-the-top mayhem to check this one out.

Director Gareth Evans is Welsch, but has apparently made it his mission to popularize the Indonesian martial art silat, the formal name for the ass-kicking you see above (not the part with the guns, obviously). I was so impressed by The Raid I Netflixed Merantau, Gareth Evans's earlier valentine to silat, which even stars some of the same asskickers. Unfortunately I do NOT recommend it. It's a decent first effort and there are good fight scenes, but it's pretty boilerplate fare and at times quite slow and annoying. Skip it and go straight to The Raid.

Punch punch whack!