Bipolar-Borderline-Thief and Big Ol' Mess

By Kat GiantisSpecial to MSN Entertainment

The Britney Spears Meltdown Watch, Part II, has officially gone from entertaining to alarming. In recent days, we've chuckled at the bygone popster's undies-clad swim with the paparazzi. Pointed and laughed at her increasingly calamitous coif. Shaken our heads over her reported estrangement from her mother, her manager and her publicist.

Now, we're just sighing heavily over Brit's ill-fated July 19 photo shoot and interview with the usually up-with-celebrities OK! magazine, which was so shocked by her bizarre behavior it decided to tell all.

The cover story, much like her disastrous gum-chomping, décolletage-heaving sit-down with Matt Lauer last year, was designed to "set the record straight about all the rumors surrounding her much-talked-about private life."

Instead, it's a "heartbreaking" chronicle of "a young girl who is desperately in need of help," according to the mag, which says Britney's breakdown came with plenty of collateral damage, with some pricey couture paying the ultimate price.

Let's start with the pink silk gown she reportedly used as a napkin during a chicken-and-vegetable lunch feast. The wardrobe coordinator, rightly fearing the worst, asked her to remove it while she noshed.
"Brit dismissively refused to take it off, and after consuming her meal, stood up and rubbed grease from her fingers into the front and back of the dress," says the mag. "It was ruined!"
Moments later, her newly acquired, PETA-criticized Yorkie puppy London decided that a $6,700 Zac Posen dress was the perfect item on which to poop, leaving a steaming present that Spears ignored.

"Neither Britney or her assistant bothered to clean it up until the coordinator demanded it be taken care of," says OK!, adding that her gofer eventually grabbed a tissue and disposed of the mess.

Meanwhile, in a move that explains a lot about Britney's uncanny ability to look as cheap and tacky as possible, she apparently told the stylists that their "high-end selection of clothing just wasn't sexy -- the items weren't short enough or tight enough." The wardrobe experts were dismissed and her assistant assumed fashion duties.

Brit also nixed having trained professionals attempt to tame the tangled tragedy that is her store-bought mane and paint her oft-puffy face, demanding they leave "so that [her] friends could do the job, using the equipment brought in by the pros."

After all that, recounts the magazine, the photographer only managed to snap four test shots (which aren't being published) before Britney abruptly stormed out, a hasty and unexplained exit she made while sporting thousands in borrowed clothing and accessories.

Among the pilfered items: $12,000 in jewelry (including two diamond rings), a $974 Vera Wang dress, $380 Lanvin shoes and a $281 Pucci scarf. Add in the defiled dresses and an ensemble her assistant purloined and the total comes to $21,267.

The magazine may have gotten off cheap: Because the interview turned into a total fiasco, it won't be ponying up the $1 million it planned to pay Spears, according to the New York Post.