"He's more machine than man now - twisted and evil."
Obi-Wan's words could not have been more appropriate to describe what happened to George Lucas himself. A major theme in ANH was to not succumb to a dependence on technology. "Stretch out with your feelings," switching off the targeting computer, hokey weapons and ancient religions vs. a good blaster at your side, etc. etc. Recurring message: technology's good to a point, but you can't let it consume your life.
Concurrently, the production of the movie itself was limited by the scope and scale of what was technologically possible at the time. Lucas was forced to bring the ideas in his head forward with very limited means. That meant real, intricate detailed models of giant spaceships that looked real because they were. That meant eight different human being puppeteers running various parts of Jabba, infusing him with a character that a computer can't create. Not instructing forty eggheads to make Han Solo step over Jabba’s friggin’ tail. Bottom line: technology consumed George's life. Lucas IS Vader, or even Palpatine, and he created his own soulless, technology-driven Empire.
Furthermore, in all of the prequels, every time any CG creature has to screech or roar, it’s pukingly obvious that the sound has been overprocessed and computerized. Compared to the primal, real-sounding Chewie roar, which (in my understanding) was a combo of an actual lion and bear roar, these Playstation beasts don’t measure up.
Admittedly Sith is a vast improvement over the other two in terms of story and overall entertainment. Ewan McGregor tries his damnedest with the impossible task of making it look like Hayden can act. (It’ll take more than furrowing your brow, flaring your nostrils and rolling your eyes behind your head to convince me that you’re seriously contemplating the dark side.)
But did it really deliver on the promise of adding any real substance to the original trilogy? It should probably come as no surprise to learn that my opinion is that it most certainly did not. Let’s take a closer look at how this trilogy made us “rethink” the originals:
1) As I already stated very eloquently in my Episode II rant: the Stormtroopers turn out to be nothing more than a bunch of lousy clones
2)Boba Fett, the most intriguing character in Empire, is also a lousy clone.
3)The federation deserved to live in fear under the death star as they voted to give supreme power to a mincing pedophile… on Jar Jar’s request no less.
4)Luke and Leia’s mother was an insufferable bore lacking any trace of what could be deemed a personality.
5)Vader was lured to the dark side with the promise of saving the woman he loves. Yawn.
6) James Earl Jones actually says the word "Padme." Lord help us all. This meant that his dialogue in the trilogy, sequentially, goes, "How is Padme?" followed by "Nooooooooo!" and then, "Commander, tear this ship apart until you've found those plans, and bring me the passengers! I want them alive!"
Case closed.
Take away the flashing lights, bells and whistles (or more accurately - synthesized sounds inspired by bells and whistles) and you’re left with a topical morality tale that’s preachy, spiritually nauseating and will not stand the test of time.
And what’s with General Grievous coughing? Give me a break. I’m aware that it’s a reference to the Clone Wars cartoon but honestly… Exercise a little restraint George. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
Once more thing – not enough Chewie!
All the best,
Johnny Sweatpants
Further reading: Attack of the Clones is an Embarrassment , Phantom Menace is a Disgrace
11 comments:
I'm going to refute your arguments so hard it will make you cry for your mama, later, but for now I'll just point out that the original trilogy stormtroopers are not clones.
How do I know? Because Lucas put Jango Fett's voice over Boba Fett in Empire, but left all the stormtrooper dialogue ("Is this another drill?" "Look, sir! Droids!" "You rebel scum" etc.) alone.
Lucas, in the great SMaking of Star Wars book I just read, stated back in 77 that some of the stormtroopers are women.
I can't wait for Jordan to blast that snotty Johnny!
My point is that the very idea of the clone troopers poisoned the original trilogy. An entire planet is devoted to the production of clone soldiers. Said planet is controlled by the diabolical emperor. Why the tits would they need individuals to fight their battles anymore?
I'm totally tickled by the term "lousy clone." But I agree with the majority here, I don't think the OT Stormtroopers are meant to be clones.
I could argue the speculative math of the situation, but the real argument is that drafting its citizens is what autocratic societies do. Why would the Empire be any different? It's got a galaxy's worth of able-bodied citizens that it demands tribute from, it makes total sense that they'd use those people rather than say "relaaaax, we've got clones!"
On the other hand, I must admit I find all three of the trilogies, Sith included, to be disappointing -- although Sith has moments that genuinely touch the grandeur of what I would've wanted. The slaughter of the Jedi is very effective. Anakin's seduction, not so much. Deception is one of the Sith's core values, but Palpatine's lies are just so lame. "Oh, I didn't say I could defeat death, I just knew about a guy who did." Or the capper, "you killed Padme," -- which Darth doesn't even believe! "I couldn't have, she was alive, I felt it" and then we skip to the legendary Nooooo. The story of the Republic's downfall and Skywalker's seduction just derserved to be so much better.
I was also disappointed in the opening space battle. It's something I could go on an on about (and likely will someday), but my main point is that all the good stuff gets pushed into the background so we can watch both Jedi watch Artoo fight a buzz droid. "Yeah, you got him!" "Great, Artoo!"
Again, the closest thing we got to a real movie, but it should have been so much more.
Octopunk said: "The real argument is that drafting its citizens is what autocratic societies do. Why would the Empire be any different?"
Very simple: because they have access to a clone-making planet.
Pretend you are the emperor of the galaxy as well as a complete bastard obsessed with maintaining absolute control. What would you do with the clone-soldier making planet? You would keep making clones. You'd send them to every corner of the universe with weapons to mercilessly rule and co-opt whatever natural resources you so desired. You would then use these resources to make more clones and more weapons!
IT ALL BREAKS DOWN BECAUSE OF THE CLONES DAMMIT!!! I'm sorry to shout like that but I can't understand why none of you are willing to concede this point.
I've kept silent for too long. The debate has been spirited, but fruitless.
I siomply must jump in: When Princess Leia refers to "the Clone Wars" in her holographic speech, as a first-time kid viewer you are magically given the sense that this story is a whole lot bigger than you previously imagined.
What were The Clone Wars? What the hell happened during them? And what did Ewan MacGregor do to help Jimmy Smits in them?
Well, far from an epic battle involving cloned soldiers vs. Republic guards vs. Jedi vs. Mandalorean supercommandos, far from that, the Clone Wars basically boiled down to what seems to be a 20-minute period across the entire known Galaxy where Stormtroopers got Order 66.
THIS is the Clone Wars? As far as the prequels have led us to believe, this is the "hunting down" of Jedi that Obi-Wan hinted at.
Jedi that have previously shown remarkable adroitness at cutting down blaster fire with their lightsabers are systematically cut down...with blaster fire.
God forbid the "Clone Wars" actually be a conflict with some thought put into it.
Sure, you can keep the cloners on Kamino, and (grudgingly) you can keep the fact that Jango Fett is Clone #1. But for God's sake, do something important with them. Not use them to fight Battle Droids that communicate with each other by actually fucking saying "Roger Roger."
When you come right down to it, why was any of this actually called "The Clone Wars?" The term "Wars" implies two clearly opposed sides in an ongoing, protracted battle, and as near as I can muster, what "The Clone Wars" actually was was a basically a one-sided, incredibly swift beat-down-slaughter of a handful of people.
"Years ago, you served my father in the Clone Wars." No, he didn't.
"Attack of the Clones"? More like Bore-o-phyll!
Dude! Chime in more often! You're hilarious.
Agreed! Good to have you on board, Mr. Stanley. Apropos of your comment, I repeat my earlier one:
"Did the clone plot point come up just because Leia says 'Clone Wars' in Ep IV? And if so, why call them that? Why not 'War of the Separatists' or the 'Galactic Civil War?' We don't name wars after the tools you used to fight them. We don't call WWI the 'Trench War' or 'The War of the Biplanes."'
Okay, Senor Pants, I actually busted out my copy of AOTC to check this out (thanks Jordan). In doing so I had to speed-watch the Anakin/Padme romance, so you have that to answer for.
When Obi-wan arrives the Kaminoans have 200 thousand clones ready and another million on the way. I don't know how vast the SW galaxy is, population-wise (I'm sure someone does), but I doubt that's nearly enough bodies for galaxy-wide oppression. Doesn't somebody say a thousand worlds have joined the Separatists at some point? The thing is, while it seems maybe I've found yet another flaw in the logic of the prequels, the numbers argument doesn't really refute what you said above, so whatever.
What does kill your point is the time it takes to make the clones. Not a full life time, granted, but "half the time." I just watched that part and that's what the lanky fish-man says. Since the order was placed ten years earlier and they're just finishing the first batch now, that means about ten years. As Obi-Wan is taking off, lanky fish-woman says "go ahead and order more clones, but it will take time to make them."
Sure, there's a time lag between Eps II and III, and even more time between Eps III and IV, but since your point is about a guy who'd be stupid not to use the resources at his disposal, it would be the king daddy of stupid moves not to use the billions of potential draftees that are available right now, who aren't a bunch of fetuses circling around in a stack of jam jars somehwere or rows of bitchy kids playing combat video games in matching pajamas.
Let's take that in again.
BILLIONS.
RIGHT NOW.
Now let's look at some of the other stuff you haven't directly refuted.
Jordan's first comment here:
"Lucas put Jango Fett's voice over Boba Fett in Empire, but left all the stormtrooper dialogue ("Is this another drill?" "Look, sir! Droids!" "You rebel scum" etc.) alone."
My comment from your AOTC post:
"The Imperial army by Star Wars etc. isn't made up of clones but rather draftees. Luke talks of heading to the Imperial Academy (flight school, assumedly) and Biggs mentions that he wants to join the Rebellion before he's drafted."
Of course I share your opinion about the prequels more than some of our cohorts here, but I think it's pretty clear that your extrapolation that the OT Imperial army is a bunch of lousy clones is just plain wrong wrongity wrong wrong.
Moreover, what's the big deal if they are? They're always the bad guys in the original trilogy, so where's the loss of heartbreak or emotional connection if the guy who went "Aaiieee!" and fell down that inexplicable bottomless pit in the Death Star docking bay is a clone? The character Commander Cody from Sith, a known clone, is shown to have developed some iota of personality far beyond the portrayal of any single OT stormtrooper. I mean really, so what? I respect your anger over the situation but I don't really get it.
Anyway, all that said, I think you've maybe inspired me to watch the prequel trilogy myself so I can trash it (and in some places praise it) on my own terms. But don't anyone hold their breath.
Over the past week I watched the original trilogy again, thanks to all this banter, and now I'm in the middle of the awesome Sith.
That's right, I said "awesome", want to fight about it?
Alright, I give. I'm satisfied that the Stormtroopers aren't clones. Thanks for doing the legwork Octopunk. The fact that the clones are now noticably absent in IV-VI is more than a little peculiar but I'll give it a rest... for now.
Handsome Stan - excellent work.
Also, it just dawned on me how funny Octo's previous observation is: "I imagined an Ed Wood style "Cut! Great! Print it!" attitude about all the live acting, while meticulous attention was given to Yoda's "widowmaker" shot with "begun these clone wars have."
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