Piranha Part Two: The Spawning

(1981) ***

Before the couple in the opening scene gets attacked by piranhas, they engage in a little scuba sex. Except they strip their tanks off, too, which actually made me more nervous than the imminent devouring. Can’t complain, though, we’re five minutes in and we’ve got nudity, blood, and that cute whirring sound from the first movie that declares "piranha frenzy."

Next we’re introduced to our cast, including “not quite Adrienne Barbeau,” “not quite Parker Stevenson,” and actual Lance Henriksen. We spend a whole bunch of time meeting the guests at Piranhafood Resort, and are these people a pack of freaks. Not a particularly attractive group, they’re played in a sharp caricature mode that makes you think maybe you got a John Waters movie by mistake. I guess they were just modelled after real vacationing Americans. I got through it because I knew that later on, some of them get eaten. Also later on, there's a pair of naked girl pirates.

The kicker in this story is that these piranhas fly around. Their genes were spliced with those of the flying fish “so they can survive in any environment.” (Yeah, I just saw a flying fish sitting in a tree outside. Those things are everywhere.) The flying piranhas are the most endearing badly-made monsters I’ve come across since those toothy slugs in Deadly Spawn. They look laughably fake when they fly, but you can’t help like the little buggers. And their aim, jeez Louise! One second they’re flopping into piles of coiled rope or batting themselves like moths against a window frame, next second they’re at your neck. They never miss the neck!

Afterwards, they tear chunks from all over the body, resulting in some pretty good gore. Add that to a healthy dose of boobage and you’ve got yourself a perfectly good Beach Horror Movie.