Summerisle's Summary

1) Best: Hostel, by far.

2) Hidden Gem: Ravenous. This was likely off of my radar because of the fact that it's a period piece and the characters wear funny hats. But the movie was terrific, particularly Robert Carlisle. Also, I didn't really make it clear how much I enjoyed the Hearse but that one also ranks high because of its overall atmosphere.

3) Disturbing: TCM The Beginning. The movie that made me sick to my stomach. If I were asked to summarize it in one sentence I could only say "Four teenagers get tortured for two hours... and then killed." My mock review was only half in jest. What good comes out of watching something this vicious? So you can say "Well, I guess my problems aren't so bad after all." I don't know, but I do know that won't ever watch it again as it offers ZERO satisfaction. And yet I cannot ignore its gruesome achievements. Cannibal Holocaust finally has some competition for the most disturbing movie I've ever seen.

4) Scream Queen: The girl from the original Hills Have Eyes. Because you see, I love her and have a strong suspicion that she has feelings for me too. I must also acknowledge big breasted Jenifer from Jenifer.

5) Worst: Return of the Living Dead 2. There's a laundry list of reasons for this choice but it mainly has to do with the annoying punk kid that never felt fear. That smug little bastard...

6) So Bad It's Good: The Beast of Yucca Flats. 100% RIDICULOUS.

7) Memorable Death: I have to say that the one that sticks out most for me is the cat in Willard who finds himself in the hopelessly dire predicament of being trapped in Willard's rat-infested basement. Though he clearly had no chance, he puts forth an inspired escape effort before succumbing to the inevitable. Runner up would be Christopher Lee's overly indulgent death sequence in Rasputin the Mad Monk. It was about 1/5 of the movie!

8) Scariest: TCM:TB. Particularly whenever R. Lee Ermey said or did ANYTHING.

9) Best Lookin' Monster: The big fat blob in Slither, only because I haven't seen anything like it before (or after). But I still didn't much care for the movie and they damn well should have called the military.

10) Goriest: TCM:TB. What could they possibly done to have made this movie more painful to sit through? Rape. Thankfully they didn't go there but they might as well have.

JPX Horrorthon picks

1. Favorite: By favorite I’m assuming we mean, “favorite we hadn’t seen before”, otherwise The Ring or Halloween would be listed here. It’s a close call this year because there were a lot of fine discoveries. Although I don’t generally go for the “torture” films, I would have to go with Hostel, with Texas Chainsaw: The Beginning, The Hills Have Eyes (remake), Wolf Creek, Saw III, and The Last Man on Earth (now being re-made with Will Smith, boo!) also in the running. Hostel also boasts the most satisfying ending of all the films I watched this year.
2. Hidden gem award: The Last Man on Earth. This is a great Vincent Price vehicle based on the Matheson novel. It’s violent, bleak, and has one downer of an ending. Excellent.
3. Most Disturbing: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: the Beginning. Imnotmarc has the perfect quote, “There isn't a single moment in this entire movie that isn't permeated with misery.” By time I left the theater I felt like I had been punched in the gut.
4. Scream Queen: The creepy girl from Hard Candy. This chick is your worst nightmare. Not only does she tie you up and taunt you for hours on end, she doesn’t offer any relief. If you find yourself with this chick, it’s too late for you.
5. Worst: Slashed Dreams. A woman is raped and the rapists are [lamely] chased off. The end. This film had more padding than an NFL linebacker. Also, if you’re going to put Freddy Kruger in a movie, don’t make him the wuss.
6. So Bad It’s Good award: Why Bloodlust, of course! Come on, what’s not to like here? Mike Brady and some other “teens” must survive the most dangerous game. It’s a duel to the death. On one side you have a rich bastard chasing everyone with his cache of guns and on the other side you have Mike Brady telling him why it’s not a good idea.
7. Goriest: I’m starting to believe that Texas Chainsaw: The Beginning is the goriest film I’ve ever seen. Evil Dead might be on that list as well. TCTB wasn’t just gory, it was downright disgusting. Submerging oneself in a pool of blood and entrails automatically makes this film a winner [see also, The Descent].
8. Most Memorable Death: Any of the deaths from Saw III including the woman who sticks her hand in a jar of acid and the chick who is iced to death.

9. Best Looking Monster: Although it’s just a low-budget rip-off of the monsters from Alien and Predator, this creature from Feast still looks pretty damn cool!
10. Scariest: I didn’t see many good “ghost” films this year. Rather than “scary” movies I watched a lot of “unsettling” movies. For me it’s a toss up between Hostel and Texas Chainsaw: The Beginning. If forced to choose I’d go for Hostel since TCTB has been made 5 times before.

Hannibal Rising, now in German!

hannibal rising trailer

Underdog is underwhelming

From Iwatchstuff, "When a live-action adaptation of the '60s cartoon Underdog was announced, I'd foolishly assumed this would be live-action to the degree that Rocky & Bullwinkle was, with live humans and cartoon animals. It now looks to be (and IMDB confirms) more of an Air Bud, with a standard dog putting on a little outfit and pulling off amazing feats.

What really annoys me about this isn't that it's breaking the sanctity of Underdog canon. It's that I imagine these changes are being made to somehow make it more feasible to the American public. Some studio guys were probably pitched the idea, they talked it over, and came back with a note something like this...

MEMO: Love the idea of remaking something--people love to remember things over having new thoughts--but have some changes. Not sure audiences will buy the concept of an anthropomorphized dog who shines shoes and rhymes. Superman Returns was hot this year, so what if it's just that with a dog? (Is that dog from Frasier available? Seen the show, seems like he may already have superpowers. Look into.) Instead of shining shoes, make dog's name Shoeshine, and the story is of his friendship with a young boy. Idea: could we just buy My Dog Skip and CGI a little costume for the dog, put out a new poster? Please make changes discussed here, making sure it's too dumbed-down for either adult or child to find absolutely anything redeeming in it outside of just seeing what a dog looks like in a costume. Add a baby. Another idea just came to me: he should have a puppy at the end so we can use a new dog for the sequel, in case this one starts making too many demands. Thanks!"

On a side note, they were filming this in Providence, the movie destination of the world, all summer long.

The Hills still have eyes

The Hills Have Eyes 2 Trailer

Spins a web, any size

After rumors that the symbiote in "Spider-Man 3" was going to be manufactured during a scientific experiment, Tobey Maguire has confirmed that this won't be the case.

When talking about the Venom character in an interview with The Los Angeles Times, Tobey said, "He has the same kind of attributes that Spider-Man has, but he's just stronger, faster and more vicious than Spider-Man. And it comes from this goo that comes from outer space, so first the goo comes and gets hold of me."

Meanwhile in an upcoming article in Premiere Magazine, Harry Osborn is referred to as the "New Goblin" and his glider is called the "Sky Stick". Also director Sam Raimi talked about a potential fourth film, saying "I'm sure they'll keep making Spider-Man pictures. Amy [Pascal, Sony cochairman] told me that she would. I love 'Spider-Man.' And I love working with Kirsten, Tobey, James. I don't know if Thomas and Topher will be around in the next one, but probably Bryce will be".

What would draw him back? "I have to make sure that when I'm done with this picture I'm really still fascinated with the charater. At the this moment I'm fascinated with him. Whether or not I will be in six month when the movie's done I couldn't say. And I absolutely would not have anything to do with the picture unless I was hungry to tell the story".

Call him Bruce

Live Free or Die Hard (Die Hard 4) Trailer

Tarzan returns to the big screen

From Dark Horizons, "Warner Bros. and producer Jerry Weintraub are bringing "Tarzan" back to the big screen with a new take on the Edgar Rice Burroughs-created character.

Guillermo del Toro is in negotiation to direct, whilst John Collee ("Master and Commander", "Happy Feet") is in talks to pen the screenplay.

Del Toro feels that the classic themes are still compelling, and that there is new ground to cover in the Tarzan mythology by turning back to the original Burroughs prose.

"I'd love to create a new version that is still a family movie, but as edgy as I can make it. There are strong themes of survival of a defenseless child left behind in the most hostile environment" Del Toro told Variety.

The loincloth-clad character has headlined dozens of live action and animated films, radio and TV shows. The likes of Johnny Weissmuller, Lex Barker, Gordon Scott, Jock Mahoney, Mike Henry, Ron Ely, Miles O'Keeffe, Christopher Lambert, Casper Van Dien and Travis Fimmel have portrayed the role."

First Look, Pirates 3

By Thomas K. Arnold, Special for USA TODAY
Reports of the death of DVD are greatly exaggerated, if sales of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest are any indication.
Disney's Dead Man's Chest— the top-grossing movie of the year — sold 10.5 million DVDs as of Monday, the end of its first week in stores. It was the biggest DVD debut this year, the studio reports. Pirates, starring Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom, arrived in theaters in July and grossed $423 million.
With 20 million DVDs of Pirates shipped to stores and more than a week till Christmas, the Pirates sequel could be on track to be the top-selling DVD of the year. The year's current top seller is The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, which has sold about 14 million copies.
The biggest-selling live-action DVD ever is the first Pirates movie, The Curse of the Black Pearl, which ultimately sold 18 million units.
Bob Chapek of Buena Vista Worldwide Home Entertainment, Disney's video distribution arm, says the showing makes it "evident that the home entertainment industry continues to flourish."

Grindhouse!

I'mnotmarcbutmyboyfriendis's Best of Horrorthon 2006

1. Favorite: Dawn of the Dead 2004. To all of the indie-snobs who turn their noses up on spec at remakes I say, "FACE!" Easily the most exciting movie I watched for the thon this year. Dawn04 managed to reach a level of sheer panic unmatched by its lurching ancestors.
2. Hidden gem award: Bad Dreams. If Dawn04 hadn't come around and kicked everyone square in the teeth, this one would have snagged my #1 overall spot. It stomped all over its big moments (the ventilation system spray scene -- glorious) and mustered up the tenderness for its subtler moments as well (the interlude flashback of the hippies sharing their dreamy thoughts about their upcoming demise is quietly chilling). Special mention to Trick or Treat. It wasn't scary in the slightest, but had a friendly script and a good heart. Honorable mention: Habit
3. Most Disturbing: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: the Beginning. I have kind of a synesthetic moment when I think of this movie: I can almost smell carnage on the air. This movie luxuriates in gore and grime like a pig in fly-covered shit. There isn't a single moment in this entire movie that isn't permeated with misery.
4. Scream Queen: Katheryn Winnick from Satan's Little Helper. Today we salute you, Satan's Little Helper Costume Designer for squeezing her curves into that eye-popping Renaissance outfit. According to the story, that was her mom's outfit the year before. Amanda Plummer in the same outfit? Let's just hope they never decide to make a prequel.
5. Worst: Memorial Day (doesn't deserve to be underlined. ptoooey.) If Satan's Little Helper can be held up as an example of the right way to make a straight-to-dvd b-level movie, then Memorial Day is its doppelganger. Awful in every category. Acting, lame. Script, lame. Bad Guy, lame. If you're going to make a really stupid horror movie that goes nowhere and chooses the most boring road to get there, the least you can do is cast people that are more fun to look at. Frump City. "honorable" mention: My Bloody Valentine, Lep3
6. So Bad It's Good Award: Leprechaun in Space. It's the tight-mouthed Austrian scientist that sealed it for me. Whenever I'm sad, whenever I feel like the burdens of this world are too heavy and my future is cast in shadow, I think of his face and the sun shines in. Also, Ice-T managing a straight face while pointing a gun at a warty midget was almost enough to make me pick Lep5, but Austro-power won out in the end. Honorable mention: CHUD 2
7. Goriest: Different kinds of gore, but TCM:B and Dawn04 can duke it out for this particular crown all the live-long day. And who's going to be the winner? Why, us!
8. Most memorable death: The first girl to get her ticket punched by the Slick in Creepshow 2. You can almost taste her pain as her skin sizzles away. It's kind of like lime and burning. Her death was like a delicious mexican meal. Also, if the guy who lost his legs in TCM:B had died from his wounds, he'd have won. Honorable mention: the chainsaw death in Dawn04
9. Best-looking monster: Richard Lynch in Bad Dreams when he's all face-melty. I also liked the old lady who becomes the first proof that zombie bite equals zombie in Dawn04.
10. Scariest: Dawn 04 and TCM:B can duke it out for this crown as well. Two different kinds of fear at work here. Dawn's was more like getting stabbed with a shiv. TCM:B's was more like getting thokked with a sledgehammer.

Note: the Shining, Creepshow, and the Wicker Man -- I didn't include these. I've seen them too many times and their original impact has been muted over time. Doesn't mean they're not great, and on an evenly balanced list, they'd have vied for any number of these.