Sunday, December 17, 2006

Summerisle's Summary



1) Best: Hostel, by far.

2) Hidden Gem: Ravenous. This was likely off of my radar because of the fact that it's a period piece and the characters wear funny hats. But the movie was terrific, particularly Robert Carlisle. Also, I didn't really make it clear how much I enjoyed the Hearse but that one also ranks high because of its overall atmosphere.

3) Disturbing: TCM The Beginning. The movie that made me sick to my stomach. If I were asked to summarize it in one sentence I could only say "Four teenagers get tortured for two hours... and then killed." My mock review was only half in jest. What good comes out of watching something this vicious? So you can say "Well, I guess my problems aren't so bad after all." I don't know, but I do know that won't ever watch it again as it offers ZERO satisfaction. And yet I cannot ignore its gruesome achievements. Cannibal Holocaust finally has some competition for the most disturbing movie I've ever seen.

4) Scream Queen: The girl from the original Hills Have Eyes. Because you see, I love her and have a strong suspicion that she has feelings for me too. I must also acknowledge big breasted Jenifer from Jenifer.

5) Worst: Return of the Living Dead 2. There's a laundry list of reasons for this choice but it mainly has to do with the annoying punk kid that never felt fear. That smug little bastard...

6) So Bad It's Good: The Beast of Yucca Flats. 100% RIDICULOUS.

7) Memorable Death: I have to say that the one that sticks out most for me is the cat in Willard who finds himself in the hopelessly dire predicament of being trapped in Willard's rat-infested basement. Though he clearly had no chance, he puts forth an inspired escape effort before succumbing to the inevitable. Runner up would be Christopher Lee's overly indulgent death sequence in Rasputin the Mad Monk. It was about 1/5 of the movie!

8) Scariest: TCM:TB. Particularly whenever R. Lee Ermey said or did ANYTHING.

9) Best Lookin' Monster: The big fat blob in Slither, only because I haven't seen anything like it before (or after). But I still didn't much care for the movie and they damn well should have called the military.

10) Goriest: TCM:TB. What could they possibly done to have made this movie more painful to sit through? Rape. Thankfully they didn't go there but they might as well have.

6 comments:

Johnny Sweatpants said...

I didn't include Dawn '04, Re-Animators, Evil Dead, Lost Highway for the same reasons Marc stated.

This is the first year I didn't watch the Wicker Man since JPX and I started the competition. I actually started it close to midnite on Halloween but never followed through.

I did watch one more movie called Maniac, an oldie mad scientist flick from way the hell back when. I didn't review it because I just couldn't and a total of 41 movies vs. 40 had no significance in the contest. Also, I started another one called the Indestructible Man. It looked promising but I ran out of time. I often had 3 movies going at once so I could watch something based on mood.

JPX said...

Great and hilarious summary! I actually watched 2 more than I posted reviews on; Panic and The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, however as Summerisle noted, what difference does it really make? After all, I kicked major ass and didn't feel it necessary to kick your asses further out.

Octopunk said...

I can't remember what the girl in the original Hills looks like...and so I'm imagining she looks like Michael Berryman. Eeeew, you're sick!

Excellent wrap-up, I love that your fave death was a cat. And kudos to you for sticking to your guns on Slither, despite your thorough and utter wrongness.

Octopunk said...

JPX, I'm disappointed you didn't review Cabinet of Dr. Caligari; I thought you'd be pleased with the dead-on accurate portrayal of psychiatric methodology.

JPX said...

Caligari is one of those films that I'm supposed to like but I gotta admit, I couldn't get into it, at all. Although I love old films, I do have problems with the silent stuff, mainly because the "dialogue" takes you out of the picture.

JPX said...

By the way, Summerisle, that picture of you is hysterical.

Malevolent

 2018  ***1/2 It's 1986 for some reason, and a team of paranormal investigators are making a big name for themselves all over Scotland. ...