For too long I've kept my mouth shut regarding Episodes I-III out of respect for Lucas, the Star Wars franchise and my fellow Star Wars fanatics. After Jordan's recent How-to-watch-Star-Wars post, I decided to give the prequels one last chance before finally speaking my mind. After all, I'm not the kind of guy who likes to stir up trouble but when common sense is under fire then I cannot back down. My suspicions were confirmed and my stance is now official: Episodes I, II and III have no more credibility than the Ewok Adventure, the Droids cartoon or Bea Arthur pouring drinks in the '78 Holiday Special. It would serve us best to ignore their very existence.
I know what you're whining right now; "But Lucas envisioned the series as a whole!" Bullshit. I'm sure he had some vague notions of the lore but frankly this claim is dubious because his integrity has been wholly compromised by the recent trilogy. To suddenly decide that what was in his head all along could NOW be brought forth is absurd. I find it absolutely IMPOSSIBLE that, as a geeky sci-fi grad film student at USC, the one and only George Lucas sat in film class dreaming of a day when he could generate a spindly, klutzy, half-gay-and-black, googly-eyed CGI character with a learning disability named Jar Jar Binks. And don't tell me that Attack of the Clones didn't evolve from the negative response to Phantom Menace. (Exhibit A: Jar Jar's diminished role.) Clearly Revenge of the Sith was a last ditch effort to appease the cranky fans who didn't get what they wanted out of the first two. Like Bob Dylan, Paul McCartney and countless other visionaries, George Lucas had it – then he lost it. His creative juices dulled and eventually drifted off into the abyss. The spark of inspiration was replaced by sterile studio wizardry.
Before I tackle these 3 insults to our intelligence individually, I'd first like to address the inherent evils in the word "prequel". Prequels by definition stifle rather than capture the imagination. Part of the magic of the original Star Wars was being dropped into the middle of a saga. It wowed us with spectacle but still inspired the viewer to formulate the backstory. Divulging my own (far superior) origin of Darth Vader misses the point: Lucas gave us a beautiful gift, only to take it back like a bastard 16 years later.
THE PHANTOM MENACE IS A COMPLETE AND UTTER DISGRACE
I'm assuming I won't get any (legitimate) opposition to this claim. In retrospect we should have seen it coming. 20 years of being worshipped and declared a genius would have an adverse effect on most people. In George's head he could do no wrong. There was no need to cloud his vision by seeking the approval of others. For better or (much, much) worse, George decided to let his movie live or die on its own merit.
The result? The creation of the most overbearing, obnoxious and atrocious looking fictional character of all time – Mr. Jar Jar Binks. Blinded by his obsession to stun the audience with the first fully CGI character, George failed to see the dangers of creating a character geared towards 3 year olds. I won't waste too much time skewering this detestable Gungan because every word he ever uttered and every idiotic expression he ever made has already been mocked. (Alright one more dig – it's impossible to come up with a more irritating name than Jar Jar Binks. Try it – Mish Mash Spatula? Not even close.) And after all, his legacy of ruining Phantom Menace is grossly exaggerated. The truth is that there are many reasons this movie fails and Binks is not the cause, only a result of Lucas's over-eagerness to pander to drooling pre-schoolers.
Other atrocities in Phantom Menace include Jake "Are You an Angel" Lloyd, the complete squander of the only exciting character - Darth Maul, the opening scroll that has the nerve to include the words "trade embargos" and well, everything that's not Ewan McGregor. But we all know this. Let's move on.
9 comments:
Wow, your essay is akin to poking a beehive with a stick! I want to comment on this when I have more time (e.g., when patients blow me off) but I will disagree with you on one of your major tenets, that Lucas didn't envision all this back in the 70s. In fact, I'm in the middle of an excellent book called, The Making of Star Wars: The Definitive Story Behind the Original Film (go here to see, http://www.amazon.com/Making-Star-Wars-Definitive-Original/dp/0345494768/ref=sr_1_4/002-0044415-6896803?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1186585482&sr=1-4) and it is quite clear that Lucas indeed had this entire story in his head as early as 1973. This is supported by original notes provided in the book. I'll have to take some notes from the book to quote later (the damn thing is as heavy as a coffin and difficult to lug around), but believe me, you're not giving the guy enough credit. Sure,Jar Jar and some of the other aspects of the prequels are things he though up more recently, but the story of Star Wars has always been a story about Darth Vader. Lucas realized that he couldn't film his entire epic at once so he took a chance and decided to star with A New Hope with the intention of making the other movies if it made any money. I agree that Episode 1 is unwatchable, but I have no problem with AOTC or ROTS (which I think is the 3rd best installment).
Jordan and I have been on opposite sides of this debate for quite a while, and by my own principals of movie enjoyment I have to give him his due credit for being able to discern the nuggets of the SW magic that are actually available in TPM. The production design, for instance, is still fantastic.
My "principals of movie enjoyment" aren't written down anywhere, but the relevant point here is: If you go see a movie with your friend, and your friend hates the flick and you manage to find some fun in the experience, on some level you win. Of course there's a lot more to it, but I do think that's important. My favorite movie of 1997 was The Fifth Element, and as such I can ignore the terrible moments of humor that threaten to scuttle the whole thing. If I meet someone who hates that movie because Milla's awesome karate fight is capped by a moment of Jerry Lewis slapstick, I will shrug my shoulders in understanding, but I'll definitely feel that I won that round.
Jordan also deserves credit for his efforts to communicate the merits of the prequels to me, because he's met with a difficult amount of purple-faced "yeah, maybe, but what about all the SUCK!" It's hard for me to notice, for example, that the vistas of Coruscant and Naboo are basically exactly the visual vibe of the old Amazing Stories covers that I like so much, and therefore exactly the sci-fi vibe I've been hoping Hollywood will unroll for us. I have trouble seeing that match-up as anything but tragic, given the other abysmal pitfalls in play.
That said, instead of trying to tackle those myself I refer you to the excellent site 78 Reasons to hate The Phantom Menace. It's a pretty well-written breakdown of a lot of the numerous problems. I also see he's added some reasons to like it, which I haven't read yet since I want to crank out this comment before someone else comments and makes my comment look old and I have to write another comment referring to the stuff I didn't comment on.
As for my own input, I submit the following two points:
Prequels might just be a bad idea: I'm with JSP on this one. Devotees of comic books -- the smart ones anyway -- have noticed that origin stories tend to be pretty tired things, which might not even be so bad if they weren't puffed up as something that we've all been waiting for. In her famously bad review of the first Pirates of the Caribbean, Lisa Schwartzbaum says "we never find out why Captain Jack Sparrow behaves the way he does." To me this is the most pathetic dodge a stupid critic can take, fabricating a defect where none exists because you can't actually find a substantive flaw. Unfortunately prequels, by their very nature, take that silly indictment and turn it into a philosophy that really has nothing to do with good narrative and everything to do with making more money.
BUT, even though the SW prequels spawned this new culture, the initial idea of making them is excellent. If Eps 1-3 hadn't been so disappointing, everything I just said about over prequelization would still be true. However Darth Vader's story, in the abstract, is one that always deserved to be told. There are a few good comic book origin stories after all, like Dr. Manhattan's or the amazing revisioning of the Swamp Thing titled The Anatomy Lesson.
My second point about the prequels, and this applies to all three of them, is they possess that eerie disconnect that actually makes you unsure you're watching a movie. This is almost completely a function of Lucas's half-assed attention to his actors. I didn't take the time to find the quote, but the 78 Reasons guy aptly refers to this feeling as embarrasment. Nobody's looking at you, but you see these things on the screen and the stiff delivery and the clunky lines result in a sensation of discomfort and confusion. Events move along, but they seem to be happening on some paper-thin surface level, and it's disconcerting. Other examples of this phenomenon are: the Moaning Myrtle scene in the second Harry Potter movie, in which her mincing manner will have you pulling your hair and saying "what's going on?" and also any episode of Celebrity Deathmatch. The two announcers would say their lines, the audience roar would sound in the background, but these parts never connected to each other, never gelled. I used to ask if the two announcers recorded their lines separately and were edited together later. I bet if you listened to the dialogue during the "Qui-gon comes to dinner" scene you might feel the same way.
"It's hard for me to notice, for example, that the vistas of Coruscant and Naboo are basically exactly the visual vibe of the old Amazing Stories covers that I like so much, and therefore exactly the sci-fi vibe I've been hoping Hollywood will unroll for us."
It seems like you're talking about two different aspects of "enjoying" a film; on a technical level and on a storytelling level. I don't give it a pass because ILM is amazing at what they do. If I measured my enjoyment of PM by the sophisitcation of the FX then, yes, I would "enjoy" it. When I think of "enjoying" a Star Wars movie I think of how excited I became while watching it. I wasn't excited by PM because of the many flaws everyone has discussed to death. Quite frankly for me it begins and ends with Jar Jar; that character simply ruined any enjoyment I could've had. I enjoyed the opening, the pod race, and the Maul fight, but little else.
I play both sides of this debate, however, because I liked ATOC and I loved ROTS. This prequel trilogy does not dampen my love of the original trilogy. I was watching A New Hope last night and I am still thrilled by it.
I've covered this, but I wanted to say I really like reading all this material. Nobody's going bananas either direction, which is a relief.
I just want to add one minor point: Star Wars is the only movie series where everyone KNOWS they're going to finish it regardless of critical and box-office reaction. Meaning, no matter how bad Phantom Menace is, they KEPT GOING with two more movies anyway. That never happens! Some studio exec pulls the ripcord.
So you've got this crazy situation where it sucks but it gets sequels anyway. (The Hulk is kind of going through this right now, too, for some reason). Imagine a "Daredevil 2," a "Mystery Men 2," a "Buckaroo Banzai 2" in which they had a chance to actually fix what everyone was complaining about. (I'm aware that that's a very mixed bag of examples). The result is AOTC and ROTS in which he really tried to fix everything that we complained about, as fast as he could.
I understand the whole Fifth Element perspective and completely agree. I guess it comes down to everyone has the right to enjoy any movie for any reason. However, the Star Wars prequels deserve much more scrutiny and criticism because the old trilogy is such an integral part of our childhood and it feels like he disfigured them. So my natural (and equally justified) reaction is to dismiss them. I'll go into this more when I attack Clones.
I like that description of the feeling of embarrassment.
I mean, my point is, he TOOK JAR-JAR out, completely and immediately. He HASTENED to fix everything that was wrong, twice in a row. (He kept his mouth shut; no "mea culpas", but he made the changes as fast as he could). He gets a lot of credit for that, in my opinion. I've made this point before: HE'S SERIOUS about what he's doing and wants to make the best possible Star Wars, and when he makes mistakes he has no problem fixing them.
That's the issue Jordan. I know I can't have it both ways - either Lucas follows his vision completely or allows it to be manipulated by popular opinion. But that doesn't stop me from complaining. Episodes II & III definitely improved linearly but at what cost? (Rhetorical)
Aww. I still think you should post them. The prequel trilogy will always involve a clash of fun and hatred, it's just nature's way.
Post a Comment