Thursday, September 25, 2014

You're Welcome

This Mom Is Rewriting 'Harry Potter' to Replace the Witchcraft With Christianity

An excerpt (via Mommyish):
“What is a Christian?” Harry queried innocently; and scuffed his shoe on the shaggy, yellow carpet which had not been vacuumed in quite some time.
“Christians are people who want to be good,” Hagrid explained wisely; and crouched down so he was on eye level with Harry. “We want to go to heaven after we die. Do you know what heaven is, Harry?”
Harry shook his head; and his big eyes were wide and curious.
“Heaven is a beautiful place where we can be with God.”
Aunt Petunia smacked her hands over Harry’s young ears; and her voice was sickly sweet when she said, “Thank you very much for your concern, sir, but he does not need your religion, he has science and socialism and birthdays. Haven’t you heard of Evolution? I have a very good textbook on Evolution that I could give you on it if you would like to learn things.”
Hagrid laughed wisely. “Evolution is a fairytale. You don’t really believe that, do you?”
“Yes, I do!” Aunt Petunia screeched.
“Well then prove it!”
Aunt Petunia could only stare at him; and her big mouth hung open dumbly. Here she thought she was so educated; and always demanded that Christians prove what they believed in; but she couldn’t even prove her own religion. It was then that Harry knew who the smart one here was!
Hagrid then proves that God exists (which seems kind of not-the-point, right? Aren’t you supposed to have faith that God exists even though you can’t prove it? Anyway...) and they pray their way to Hogwarts (which is kind of like the floo network! Kinda).


Landshark said...

Do fundies not celebrate birthdays?

JPX said...

Just one more example of how religion poisons everything.

Octopunk said...

I know Jehaovah's Witnesses don't do birthdays, but that was weird just now. I didn't know of the evil science/socialism/birthday trio.

"Prove evolution! Ha ha, you can't!" And then she calls it a religion. Some people don't know nuthin.

Catfreeek said...

Yay just what we needed another self righteous hyper Christian whack job sticking her fingers where they don't belong!

DCD said...

Jeez, now we've gotta root for Aunt Petunia?