AAARGGHH!!! I apologize for the delay. I composed a thoughtful wrap up but didn’t save it, lost it, and now I’m pissed. Firstly thank you all for participating in last week’s competition. Board games are very near and dear to my heart. I wish I could award everyone with the victory but alas, just like a game of Risk, there can only be one supreme leader of the world and everyone else must be vanquished.
I'll list the honorable mentions in the comments section. It came down to Octopunk vs. Handsome Stan.
From Octo:
Monopoly's goal
Play until all players bored
Throw money in air
Played chess with Yoda
"You checkmate, or checkmate not
There is no trymate"
From Stan:
Naval strategy:
Find the invisible ships
Just bomb at random
Mah Jong and Cribbage
Games at the front of death's door
What the fuck. Really.
I had to go with Stan because of an inside joke that's been running well over 20 years now. There's absolutely no way to dissect or convey the humor stacked in this haiku but trust me, it's hysterical:
Wrestling figure chess
Earthquake: fattest Queen ever
Sarge don't pay taxes
Congratulations Stan! Sorry for the short notice. Now think of a topic!
7 comments:
I must also say that you should all be ashamed of the sloppy haikuing There was a total of 5 errors (2 from 50P, 2 from Stan and 1 from Catfreeek). For shame!
Honorable mentions:
From Whirly
Sister liked to cheat
at our family games of Clue
Called her "Rubber Neck"
JPX
It's Operation
Yep, the 'wacky doctor's game'
Shockingly stupid
Catfreeek
Seven letter word
but there's no place to put it
my life for an E
Stop distracting us from the problem! Which I've forgotten...
Congrats, HandsomeStan. Your winning haiku makes no sense, yet your talent shines through. You jerk.
I'm honored, and still just as stumped as I was last week when I saw that my one killer topic was now gone. My head is sore from six days of scratching.
Anyway, so we'd play chess with wrestling figures, with the "Bad Guys" comprising one side, and the "Good Guys" on the other. The wrestlers were accorded positions based on their relative merits either from real life or their inherent awesomeness as figures. (As an example, Tito Santana was ALWAYS a pawn.)
Earthquake, a giant fat wrestler, pretty much had the Bad Queen position locked up for a long time, but I believe Mr. Perfect and Yokozuna also filled the position. Hulk Hogan was the de facto Good Queen. (A stranger sentence I've never written...)
So during the game, whenever one piece took another, you'd bring out the wrestling ring and improv a match between the two pieces, knowing of course who the victor would be (an interesting commentary on the "fixed" outcome of pro wrestling. We were pretty accidentally smart.)
At one point, one of JSP's Bad Guys, Irwin R. Shyster (the bad accountant wrestler, note the initials) took one of my Good Guys in a forgettable match. I.R.S. taunted the crowd beforehand, accusing them all of being "tax cheats." In my subsequent move, I took I.R.S. with my bishop, Sgt. Slaughter. Prior to the match, Sarge pointed at I.R.S. (the fact that his figure has one hand frozen in a pointing gesture only helped) and bellowed to the crowd, "I...DON'T PAY...MY TAXES!!!" (big ovation)
Well, anyway, I'm honored. (I really had 2 errors?)
This was another fave of mine from JPX:
I don’t like poker
My great aunt tried to teach me
She was such a bitch
congrats HS.
pants, i read your post and thought, "no way," and i went back and checked -- sure enough, two lines of haiku fell short.
tell me -- did you count all 60 haikus to check?
nerd.
Yay Stan, I knew it had to be you. Hit us with something good tomorrow ;)
congrats stan! don't worry about a big fancy intro, just give us a nice juicy topic we can sink our fangs into!
I have to admit, the story behind that haiku is epic hilarious. Especially because it contains phrases like "I.R.S. taunted the crowd beforehand" and "(big ovation)."
You guys are a riot, but you guys as youngsters... I can't find the words.
Post a Comment