Monday, October 12, 2015

Teenage Caveman



(2002) **1/2

In a post-nuclear holocaust world, our species is reduced to cave-dwelling barbaric tribes. Teenage caveman David is sentenced to death after murdering his rapist father, but is rescued by friends. Banished, they all head towards an abandoned city where they meet a couple who are immortal due to genetic experimentation. The couple introduces them to a hedonistic world of sex and drugs. The couple then try to pass their immortality on to the gang (it's sexually transmitted), but if it doesn't "take" then the human explodes. Oh, and one of the downsides of being immortal is that you occasionally turn into a raging green hulk-like creature. Sure it sounds laughably crazy but I'm giving you the abbreviated version, so just accept it, ok?

Director Larry Clark also directed the worst movie I've ever seen on a date, ever - Kids (about a teen who purposefully spreads HIV). He also directed Bully (a movie which I loved starring Brad Renfro about a group of teenagers conspiring to murder). With Teenage Caveman I feel he pigeon-holed himself as a director who solely specializes in shocking depictions of the youthful.

While imaginative, it is also a terrible, unconvincing world riddled with bad acting. The tribe leader has to be the shittiest, most uncharismatic cult leader I've ever seen. It's like watching Paul Reiser play Jesus.

5 comments:

Catfreeek said...

Wow, this was a brave venture. The cover alone is off putting enough for me to opt out.

JPX said...

I never saw Bully but I HATED 'Kids'. It sounds like you had a painful double feature with these two 'cavemen' films. Thank you for taking one for the team!

Octopunk said...

Ha ha Paul Reiser your hypothetical Jesus sucks!

I remember Larry Clark’s controversial debut but I never saw it. I never guessed he (or anyone for that matter) would remake Teenage Caveman. I actually thought this was a review of the original until you mentioned sex and glanced up to check the date. I’ve seen the MST3K of course but I’m not overly familiar with it.

Trevor said...

Wow. Kids actually received a lot of acclaim. He did this just a few years later??? That's disappointing.

I think we should take a poll - what's the worst movie you ever saw on a date? For me, Fargo. Good movie, awful for a first date.

AC said...

Both versions sound very much to be missed.

My worst (also a first date) date movie: the color purple! Probably it's a good movie but I have been too traumatized to watch it since.