Family Goddamn Circus
Spider-Man
Archie
Gil Thorpe
Unnamed comic by Windsor McCay
Make me LAHF, you silly people!
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Salem's Lot 1979 and Salem's Lot 2024
Happy Halloween everybody! Julie's working late and the boy doesn't have school tomorrow so he's heading to one of those crazy f...
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(2007) * First of all let me say that as far as I could tell there are absolutely no dead teenagers in this entire film. Every year just ...
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Spider-Man
Panel 1
MJ: How do you like my new bikini, Tiger?
Peter: Quite frankly you look fat and I would be embarrassed to be seen with you in that suit.
Panel 2
Peter: Yes, I told you, you're returning the suit.
Peter: Furthermore, you called me "Tiger" again. I'm sick of you calling me by your old boyfriend's nickname.
Unnamed comic by Windsor McKay
"I don't hear anything, why do you ask?"
Spiderman
Panel 1
“Will you buy this bathing suit for me, Peter? I want to look good at superhero beach volleyball tournament.”
“Sorry babe, I’m strapped for cash. I simply cannot afford designer bathing suits with my newspaper salary.”
Panel 2
“But surely there are other ways you can make money. You’re the fearless webslinger after all!”
“I think I just slung some web in my pants.”
Unnamed
“Great, first I spilled Dr. Pepper on my new trousers and now I have a papercut. This has to be the worst day ever.”
Family Circus
"Look Mommy, I figured out if I position my toys just so, then fart continuously from this precise position, my kite will fly indoors!"
"Oh Billy, you certainly are your father's boy!"
Spiderman
Panel 1
"So Peter, what do think of my new tiger skin bikini?...Peter?...Peter!!"
"Huh? You say something MJ? This nature series is so engrossing."
Panel 2
"MJ, are you wearing Aunt May's purple sweater again?"
"Oh man, it smells just like fresh baked cookies and Ivory soap. I'm so turned on right now."
Archie
Panel 1
"Damn Arch, your dog has gotten really fat! He must shit out ten pounds a day!"
Panel 2
"Say, what do you do with all that shit anyway?"
"Hah! Help yourself, it's piled up over there in the corner."
Panel 3
"You know, it doesn't taste half bad."
Unnamed
"Dammit Doc, you should have stuck with the Delorean! Now look at the mess we're in!"
Gil Thorpe
Panel 1
"This is so exciting Gil, I never catered a gay athletic rally before."
"Well Sally, my coming out has gotten the boys all worked up."
Panel 2
"Just looking at all those healthy young bodies, makes my heart go pitter pat."
Panel 3
"You know son, when you bend over that way you kinda look like Adolph Hitler."
Gil Thorpe
Panel 1
Narration: Gil Thorpe's confidence and natural charisma instantly won Stephanie's affections.
Stephanie: Omigod, it was so great talking to you! We should totally be Facebook friends!
Panel 2
Narration: Unfortunately Stephanie was blissfully unaware of Gil's darker, deeply disturbing side...
Panel 3
Gil: That's a firm, tight ass you got there Bruce. Would you be interested in coming over to my condo later and dressing up like Kirk Cameron circa 1987?
Family Circus
"I swear to God I'm not shitting you, Mom! Not Me trashed my bedroom, let the dog out, dunked Jeffy's head in the toilet and mailed anthrax to Principle Miller! He's fucking crazy I tell you!"
Gil Thorp
Panel 1
“Ooooooh, I just love this annual tradition, I have goose bumps!”
Panel 2
Narration: “Gil organizes his boys and gets them into proper position”
Panel 3
Gil: “Turn that frown upside down, Billy. This is going to hurt you more than it’s going to hurt me but it will make you a better football player.”
The Family Circus
'Not Me' trashed my fucking room, mom!
Archie
Panel 1
Jughead: “Arch, you think I’m lazy? Just look at Hotdog!”
Jughead: “He hasn’t moved all day!”
Panel 2
Jughead: “Seriously, have you ever seen such a lazy dog?”
Archie: “Yeah, Hotdog sure is lazy!”
Panel 3
Jughead: “I would appreciate it if you didn’t make fun of my dog, Arch”
Archie
Panel 1
"Well if it wasn't me and it wasn't you then clearly Hot Dog was responsible. This wouldn't be the first time he ruined a dinner party."
Panel 2
"It smells like a clogged toilet at Big Moose's house."
"It smells like a rotting buffalo."
Panel 3
"Why are we still standing here? Let's continue this conversation outside."
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