Rock ‘n’ Roll High School

(1979)**1/2

It’s 1980 and Vince Lombardi High School has a new principal, Principal Togar, a tough as nails bitch who intends to rule the school with an iron fist. Actually this is exactly what she needs to do given the school’s inability to keep a principal due to student unrest. The students, you see, only want to listen to rock ‘n’ roll and dance in the hallways. The leader of these frequent student uprisings is Riff Randall, who is also the chick that shows her boobs in Halloween.

“Hey, ya see anything you like?”

Riff also happens to be the biggest Ramones fan and she must find a way to skip school so she can be the first person in line when tickets go on sale. Her goal? Riff wants to meet Joey Ramone in order to give him a song she wrote for the band called “Rock ‘n’ Roll’ High School”. After acquiring tickets, and then having them taken away by Principal Togar, Riff, along with her best friend (who is obviously pretty but has her beauty obscured by huge-ass glasses so she can be revealed as pretty at a pivotal point in the film), must find another way to see the big show. Fortunately she almost immediately wins a radio contest and is given the royal treatment.

Following the big show, which is merely an excuse for the Ramones to play way too many tunes, Riff learns that Principal Togar is having a Ramones record burning ceremony on school grounds. Riff, along with a little help from the Ramones come to save the day, and along the way literally reduce the high school to rubble.

Let’s get this straight right away; Rock ‘n’ Roll High School is not a good film. In fact, it’s terrible, Xanadu terrible. The first thing I learned while watching this film is that Joey Ramone might be the world’s ugliest human being. His legs are too long, he looks bad in jeans, and his face is simply hideous. The next thing I learned was that I really hate the Ramones. I can’t stand their music. Apparently they’re credited for bringing the punk scene to America. Bleech.

Yes this is an awful film, but it gets an extra star and a half because it’s so bad that it’s good. I love films about “hip” teenager style that now just looks ridiculous. Oddly enough I ended up siding with the principal. Her demands for decorum were not unreasonable in the least. The students were out of control in a manner only seen in the movies and their anger towards her desire for civility was unfounded. On another note, if the climax of the film occurred in real life the main characters, including the Ramones, would be headed off to the ACI. If you like bad movies that are fun to watch, catch Rock ‘n’ Roll High School, everyone else avoid it like the plague. Perhaps we should have a mini-Rockathon at some point?

“Rock, rock, rock, rock rock ‘n’ roll high school, rock, rock, rock, rock rock ‘n’ roll high school…”