Mary Worth
The Phantom
Momma
Mark Trail
Demotivational Poster
I threw in the last one to shake things up a little. You've all seen these "Motivational" posters - a single word or phrase like "Leadership," with a longer phrase just below it to enhance the picture's message. Of all the "demotivational" parodies out there, one of my favorites has always been "FAILURE - When your best just isn't good enough." (Usually the picture is of a skier horribly wiping out, or a runner coming in second, etc.) I figured, as long as we're captioning stuff, let's see if we can demotivate ourselves as well.
Happy captioning, everybody!!!
30 comments:
Demotivational Poster:
HELL
The road to it is paved with good intentions. And also horrible, horrible fire.
Demotivational Poster
NATURE
Because fuck you trying to get to work
The Phantom
Panel 1
Lady: I can't believe they're bringing more people to this horrible "vacation in the gulf." Nothing but lousy oil rigs...
Panel 2
Off-panel voice: Evening ma'am! I've got your popcorn shrimp-- AUGGH!
Demotivational Poster
AGORAPHOBIA
Because you won’t get killed by lava if you stay home (unless you live on a volcano).
Mary Worth
Panel 1
Mary: "So Martha, I asked you here to discuss your productivity. As I'm sure you already know, you've become the least popular girl at the house, and I think you already know why."
Martha: "Look Mary, I'm good at what I do and if the clients can't overlook one tiny flaw, then to hell with them!"
Panel 2
Martha: "I'm tired of all this demand for perfection! I'm a real live woman, not some Barbie doll!"
Mary: "Just shave your damn nipples already."
The Phantom
Panel 1
"Ooooooh sweet Jesus, that felt so good. I've been holding that mother in all night long. I thought I'd never get a moment alone to release it."
Panel 2
"Wha...?...Who...?...! No witnesses! No witnesses! *BLAM BLAM* No one will ever hear me fart and live to tell about it."
Momma
Panel 1
"How about now Momma? It's getting really hot and the water looks so refreshing. Can I go now? Pleeeeeeeeaaaase?"
Panel 2
Momma: "A shark will eat your penis if you go now."
Francis: "I'm tired of you controlling my life! I'm 36 years old, I have no friends and women think I'm a joke! I don't need your permission to go swimming, I'm going whether you like it or not!"
Panel 3
"Go ahead, probably the closest thing to a blow job you'll ever get anyway.
Mark Trail
Panel 1
Jack: “Damnit, Jim, I’ll try your invention but there better not be any side-effects!”
Jim: “Don’t worry, boss, this is the greatest invention since sliced bread!”
Panel 2
Jack: “Damnit, Jim!”
Jim: “How do you think I feel, I’m a donkey!”
Mary Worth
Panel 1
Mary: I knew was well liked but did you ever expect me, Mary Worth to be nominated for Senior Citizen of the Year? And you can imagine my look of surprise when Channel 5 News asked to feature me in a piece about common sense and compassion!
Dawn: You, you, you! It’s always about you, isn’t it Mary?
Panel 2
Dawn: Just once I would appreciate it if you asked me how I’m doing! Where did you get the idea that the whole world revolves around you?
Mary: I’m… I’m Mary Worth!
The Phantom
Panel 1
“Ahhh.. there’s nothing like showing off my perfect ass while letting the ocean breeze caress my slender legs. Not wearing panties feels so liberating!”
Panel 2
“Stop ogling me, pervert! How dare you objectify me?”
Demotivational Poster:
KRAKATAU
Not just any vacation, this one's permanent.
Mark Trail
Panel 1
Mark: "Mmmllaaah...mmmfff...moooooowfff."
Steve: "heeeyaaaw....eeeeeeyaaaaw..brrrrrrrrppppplllt."
Panel 2
Camel: "Well Steve, I think the brain transferrance was successful."
Mule: "Yup, but tranferring back is gonna be a bitch. How do we work the controls with these hooves?"
Tha Phantom
Panel 1
"Finally I'm alone. I've needed to fart all evening."
Panel 2
"Hey there, no farting on the deck!"
Mary Worth
Panel 1
Mary: “Why yes, I have lost weight recently.”
Jane: “You simply must share your secret! I haven’t been able to shed my post-pregnancy weight”.
Panel 2
Jane: “Please tell me, Mary, your secret is safe with me!”
Mary: “I eat a bowl of flowers every day.”
Momma
Panel 1
Francis: “How long to you reckon we’ll be shipwrecked here?”
Panel 2
Momma: “You needn’t worry your pretty little head about such matters.”
Francis: “Why not, momma?”
Panel 3
Momma: “When the food runs out I intend to eat you.”
Demotivational Poster
LAVA
Nature's barbeque pit and a cannibal's best friend.
mary worth
panel 1
"how do you like the tea, dear? it's an old family recipe."
"delicious! i love the almond flavor."
panel 2
"mary, something's wrong... can't breathe... my chest is tight!"
"that'll teach you to fuck my men, dear."
demotivational poster
THE END IS NIGH
so everyone, mark your calendars!12/21/2012
DEDICATION: Not even a lava flow prevents you from getting to work
mark trail
panel 1
"sorry about the stench, but i just can't stop eating nachos for lunch!"
"i'm so tired of the complaints though... maybe i'll give out noseplugs all 'round for christmas."
panel 2
"hey baby! you know what they say, big snout, big..."
"yeah, yeah! get lost, creep!"
momma
panel 1
"momma, why do i have the smallest junk on the beach? or for that matter, anywhere? my penis is virtually invisible!"
panel 2
"you SO don't want to know."
"i do want to know! i need to know! i can't go through life feeling less than other men, it's bad for my self esteem! you have to tell me!"
panel 3
"k. you're actually a girl. a skinny, flat-chested, pathetic girl. happy now?"
Momma:
Panel 1
Jack Shepard: "Well, this is certainly the strangest day we've had on the island yet."
Panel 2
Kate Austen: "Shut up for a second. I'm reading this note Sawyer left for us."
Jack: "What does it matter? He's gone! That's him right out there, sailing over the horizon! First, the Smoke Monster turns us into two-dimensional cartoon versions of ourselves, then Sawyer finds the DARPA sailboat, now all you care about is what he WROTE?"
Panel 3
Kate: "All it says is, 'Kate, you REALLY aged poorly. I'm out of here.'"
Mark Trail
Panel 1:
Chief: "Kowalski, I've had it with your excuses! Frankly, I expected better out of my Head Zookeeper. Letting the child play in the Bear Pit was one thing, but leaving the door to the Hyperintelligent Moose Pen WIDE open? God only knows what kind of trouble THOSE two are getting into!"
Panel 2:
Bucky: "So it's agreed. We smash the liquor store at dawn, then hijack the diamond shipment."
Lucky: "My hoof-based AK-47s are loaded."
Momma
Panel 1
Francis: “Hey Momma, I've been thinking about stuff a lot lately and I’m starting to come to terms with the fact that you’re not always gonna be around. Do you believe in life after death?”
Panel 2
Momma: “No, fuck off.”
Francis: “It’s just that… this can’t be all there is, right? Surely our souls will linger on in some form or another. Don’t you think it’s possible that you and Dad will reunite in Heaven?”
Panel 3
Momma: "I actually prefer the idea of you being dead forever one day."
Mary Worth
Panel 1-
"Look Mary, all you have to do in life is show a lil tit"
"I don't know if i want to display my girls!"
Panel 2-
"These are my pride and joy! I'm not sure if I'm ready to lower my standards yet!"
"Look! You do it like this..."
The Phantom
Panel 1-
"This vibrator feels so nice! Seems a little loud though."
Panel 2-
"Hey! Who's there?? Show yourself pervert!!"
Momma
Panel 1-
"Finally some peace and quiet."
Panel 2-
"Hi there!"
"Where did you come from?"
Panel 3-
"This is where I live. I'm a sand granny. Oh and watch out for the little cluster of m's over your head!"
Mark Trail
Panel 1
"They said I was crazy but I proved them wrong by teaching moose to talk."
"Also as you can see, I like to press my butt cheeks up against the window because I think it's hilarious."
Panel 2
"Hey Brenda, look up at the window. Is that Mel Gibson?"
"I'm not falling for that again."
Mary Worth
Panel 1
Mary: I tell you, Sue, say goodbye to old, predictable Mary Worth! It's time this broad to dust herself off and shake some things up!
Sue: It's wonderful to hear you so empowered, Mary. Is this that jasmine tea you were telling me about?
Panel 2
Sue: Ma-MARY! Did you put glue on this cup? It's stuck to my lip!
Mary: It begins!
Momma
Panel 1
Francis: I had a strange dream last night, Momma.
Panel 2
Momma: Is that so?
Francis: It was a beautiful summer day a the beach. I was standing in the water marvelling at the blue sky and the calling birds, when I felt this tugging. Then I noticed that I was holding you under the water and you were struggling; a little at first, but then you really thrashed. But I held you under until you were still and your eyes bugged out, just like all the other times.
Panel 3
Momma: Take your best shot, kiddo.
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