Caption Results!

Octopunk takes Archie.

Panel 1

Archie: Jugbrain, if you want more product you need to get me my fucking MONEY, man.

Jughead: Archie, you gotta help me, man! I'm gonna get sick real soon! Ohhhh, man... I never wanted a hamburger as bad as this...

Panel 2

Archie: Fan out, boys, no business here! Put the word out that Jug's out of charity.

Panel 3

Jughead: Okay, fine! But if you think I can handle getting your money when you leave me jacked up like this, you're--

Panel 4

Jughead: Yeah now this is a perfect example. I have no idea is this is actually happening or not.

It fit perfectly with the pictures and I like the "fan out, boys, no business her!" line.



For me Prince Valiant was all about panel 4. Hence Catfreeek wins:


Panel 1

Narration: Aah the life of a Prince. Beautiful women to cook for you and cater to every whim.

Panel 2

Narration: Oh, those cheeky devils, adding a little love potion to the meat.

Panel 3

Narration: Everyone partakes in the enchanted meal. It won't be long before the whole group is feeling randy.

Panel 4

Narration: Prince Valiant explains to the women, the proper technique for a double handjob.

Panel 5

Narration: After inspecting the women carefully, Prince Valiant takes his pick of the harem and departs to his chambers.

Finally, the orgy is in full swing. Cornelius mounts his woman for a game of chicken, while Sir Vedimir tries to impress with his best bucking bronco manuever.



Catfreeek also took Beetle Baily:

Panel 1

Sarge: "Hey Beetle, how you feeling? Can I get you anything?"

Beetle: "I sure could use a handjob."

Panel 2

*Awkward silence*

Panel 3

Beetle: "Ha! I just wanted to see the look on your face! No seriously, can you send in Miss Buxley, my balls are killing me."



Handsome Stan wins Flash Gordon:

Panel 1

Ant: "Finally, the ants of planet Arcturus will have a new planet to rule! As advance scout, I must find a landing site for our advance fleet!"

Panel 2

Ant: "What the deuce??? It seems our scientists have made a huge miscalculation of scale. How embarrassing."

Flash: "Zzzzzzzz-zzzzzzz..."

Panel 3

Ant: "All is not lost! Your picnics shall be OURS, Eathling!"

Flash: "What a great nap. Time for some potato salad!"



However this week's contest came down to a Mary Worth Showdown between Handsome Stan, who pioked up where he left off last time with Mary's dissatisfaction with the Leprosy Diner.

Panel 1

Mary: "I'm telling you, the coffee here is great! And I know there's an opening for a waitress position. If you just fill out an application - "

Greta: "But (sob) - but with parts of my face just falling off randomly...(sob)..."

Panel 2

Mary: "Dear, if I can live with a lower jawbone dropping into my bran flakes, then you can to!"

Vs. JPX

Mary: “You have to calm down, dear. It’s terrible that T-Bone left you for another woman but you’re going to be okay.”

Friend: “[sob] No man will ever love me again. I’m getting older; I have a crappy job, and two young kids. I carry too much baggage.”

Panel 2

Mary: I know, right? Isn’t it funny that I’m nearly 3 times your age and my life is just dandy while yours is kind of hopeless?”

This one made me laugh hysterically. "I know, right?" is one of those things that's not funny in person but it's just hilarious in written form. Also Mary's insensitive response the exact opposite of what you'd expect her to say. It's pretty damn perfect.

It's an extremely difficult decision but I'm going to give the edge to Handsome Stan for being the first person to advance a storyline on Caption Day. Congrats Handsome Stan!