#3.Spider-Man is a jazz-loving lesbian
As Seen In:
Spider-Man 3
Why It Sucks:
Taken over by an evil symbiote, Peter Parker finds himself doing dastardly deeds we never thought possible, including acting emo, asking for cookies (with nuts in them), and worst of all, playing jazz piano while for some reason looking almost exactly like the lesbian musician K.D. Lang.
The clincher for this sequence has got to be the close-up of Spidey's mouth as he softly whispers, "Now dig on this," followed by snapping his fingers to the beat. It's almost as if Sam Raimi suddenly had a change of heart halfway through shooting the film and decided he'd rather be working on a Bob Fosse Broadway musical. Fortunately, reality kicks back in at the end of the scene when Parker punches Mary Jane in the face, which is something we all can agree she totally deserved for not "digging on" Peter's bitchin' dance routine.
Of course, wonderful moments like M.J. being put in her place don't last long in Spider-Man 3, as proven by Peter's John Travolta impersonation ...
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4 comments:
Great list! I'm pleased that somebody finally took the time and effort to record all of the god-awful Mr. Freeze puns from Batman 4. Here they are (for those who aren't intrigued enough to follow the magic link.)
"You're not sending me to the cooler!"
"I'm afraid my condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy."
"Tonight, hell freezes over!"
"What killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age!"
"In this universe, there's only one absolute ... everything freezes!"
"Cool party!"
"If revenge is a dish best served cold, then put on your Sunday finest. It's time to feast!"
"Allow me to break the ice. My name is Freeze. Learn it well. For it's the chilling sound of your doom."
"Let's kick some ice!"
"Caution. Bridge may ice over."
"Always winterize your pipes."
"Not so fast. Time you cooled your heels."
"Alright, everyone, chill!"
"Cops on the rocks, anyone?"
"Bat on ice, anyone?"
"We aim to ... Freeze."
"I wonder how cold I can get my shower ... Frosty!"
"You're skating on thin ice. My passion thaws for my bride alone."
"Tonight's forecast ... a freeze is coming!"
"Nothing frustrates a man like a frigid wife."
Good God, man! I can't believe that there were this many bad lines. It just reminds me that this is an awful, awful movie.
It's that much more irritating when you read them in the Arnold voice. That movie truly is unspeakably awful, it's amazing the Batman character survived it.
This is the kind of thing that can make you indifferent to a writer's strike, that's for sure.
I agree with all of those except the Juggernaut Bitch line. That was funny enough, and didn't ruin anything.
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