Thursday, October 18, 2012

Predator 2


1990 ***

THIS IS AN EXPERIMENT. I got a job offer yesterday afternoon for a couple of days but they wanted me to start late last night to paint stuff for today. So I was at the shop painting stuff from 11 pm to 5 am and then I went back at about 8:15 to do it some more. We clock out at 8 but I hit the wall 15 minutes earlier, went and played me some Pac-Man. I got ONE HOUR of sleep is what I'm saying.* And somehow I"m stil up na dI'm pretty damn punchy and I thiought hey whynot wirtie a review with your eeyes cloesed? I closed my eyes up ther. Last sentecne. did I say I was punchy? Fuck. I forgot.

So onto the heaping pile of second bananannery thta is >oi?Predator. Okay I opened my eyes to check that and I guess fuck the italics. Danny Glvoer jsays "you're cutting off my dick and fucking me in the ass with it." That'st during the "this is the feds case, dammitQ I know you get reuslts but you gotta play by the rules sometimes! Hey is that a fucking Predator on the roof?"


Bill Paxton is in this and you just want to punch and pucnh hime. And I get why Gary busey has this foloing, bbecau8se he has this werid repellant apppeal, like a clown with coookies. But I'm often just repelled amd tjos os wpme pf tjepse ,pvoes/ A;sp tje {redatpr tirms vosob;e a ;pt.upi lmpw.

Oos holy shit. got off the home row. I'm really not looking, can you tell? Later I'll change the color of those parts or sometigng Man, there's all this awesome food on this shoot. Like baelg chps and hummous with basil and chream cheese with lox and capers .

I gifured wtf jus tgive this three starts. It's dumb but I get it. You have to give action that works credit, or else you're the disco troll. I'm listening to music, too, while I do this. what I was trying to type up there was how the Predator keeps turning visible at random momenhts. Like "doo te doo, I'm bounding across this roof, better turn visible! He totall says that.

In the end there's some more predators and they all turn invisible and take off in thirr ship. And I thoght fondly of all the collisions in the corrdoros across the cold reaches of space. I know they have infrared. I know you're thinnking that beccuaase both people I told that to said that instantely So you're all Predoator expersts now, huh?

Okay this has been real but I gotta go. The reason I said disco troll was that most of the time I've been sitting here I haven't been typing I've been trying to think of what to say next. And I was listing to Yollo. Oh yeah. But I'm serious I really am wastted tired and siitting here with my eyes closed is making me think of sleeping and not wriitng. Yeah I just did it again. Gonna watch some hororr.

[Okay I just added my page breaks where I wanted them but this is pretty much what it says it is. Almost everything after the asterisk was eyes shut. Good night, guys.]

9 comments:

50PageMcGee said...

:) who was the other one?

Johnny Sweatpants said...

I'm groggy myself right now and should be snug in bed as I have to wake up in 5 hours but I'm still overstimulated from an awesome Adam Ant concert. This hilarious review is exactly what I needed. You couldn't have picked a better movie for such an experiment.

JPX said...

This is a perfect review for such a crappy movie - I wouldn't change a thing.

Catfreeek said...

I love it, laughed the whole way through. Please don't change it.

Crystal Math said...

Best. Damn. Review. Ever. You could add another layer to the haiku/caption contests you all do and type blindfolded. Or after five cocktails. Or on 30 minutes of sleep. Sounds like a great experiment, eh?

Johnny Sweatpants said...

I need some closure on the Gary Busey thoughts that turned to jibberish.

AC said...

excellent review, but how could i not know that gary busey was in this? now i have to watch, *** be damned.

DCD said...

I'd rather do the five cocktails then 30 minutes of sleep, Crystal. Hilarious, Octo!! Hope you got some sleep!

Octopunk said...

I believe

But I'm often just repelled amd tjos os wpme pf tjepse ,pvoes/ A;sp tje {redatpr tirms vosob;e a ;pt.upi lmpw.

translates into

But I'm often just repelled and this was one of those times. And the Predator turns visible a lot something, something...