Oh boy! I know it's a good hump day when I can't stop giggling at work and there was much to giggle about this week. JPX liked the caption concept so much that he suggested that it replace our regular weekly poetry slam. I agree that it has a lot of potential and that the poetry thing has has lost some steam. However, ultimately our Wednesday competitions should simply serve as an enjoyable way to pass the time in the middle of the work week. I propose that it should be the responsibility of the winner come up with something that's fun and encourages participation. It can be a haiku contest, a caption contest, a short story narrative like the old "Finish it Friday's" or anything else our little hearts desire. I'd like to hear your thoughts. The evolution of Horrorthon is at stake.
In addition to addressing each comic individually, I'm also going to reveal them in their original form. Let's dig in, shall we?
MARY WORTH
When you think about it, it's pretty remarkable how Mary Worth has the ability to put you to sleep in a mere 2 panels. In a recent experiment inspired by morbid curiosity, I read 3 months worth of The Worth and all that transpired was 1) they flew a kite and 2) they talked about enjoying the simple things in life. That's IT. Who reads this shit? Who, in this day and age, gets all excited to pick up the daily paper to check in on a snippet of cartoon gossip? Crazy old people, JPX and myself, that's who.
From JPX:
Panel 1:
“And then I said to Blanche, ‘Blanche, you have to get with the times, I know it’s difficult adapting to new things, but look at me, if you had told me a year ago that I would be using email I would have thought you were crazy’…”
“Mmmm Hmmm”
Panel 2:
“I know technology can be scary but we have to keep up with it, right? Just yesterday my grandson told me that he wants to teach me how to use Face Book so I can stay abreast of everyone’s busy lives. Harold, can you imagine me, Mary Worth, using Face Book?
“For the love of God would you please stop talking?”
Hahaha! I was ready to declare JPX the winner right then and there but then AC pointed out Mary's missing lower legs:
Panel 1:
"Harold, i've had my legs cut off below the knee, as a gesture of love for you!"
"Where are the legs?"
Panel 2:
"Why, at the hospital, of course!"
"But it's the legs i was interested in."
Winner: JPX by a hair
MARMADUKE
Ahh, Marmaduke, how I hate thee. Ever since Handsome Stan mentioned 'Duke's (assumed) foul odor I've never been able to look at him the same way.
JPX: “Why…didn’t…I…change…the…batteries…in…the…carbon…monoxide…detector…last…winter? Feeling…sleepy…"
AC: "Phil, i think someone's been eating his own shit again!" [Freakin' hilarious]
Whirly: "I think the condom broke!" [I don't get it but I like it.]
Tony: "Do I smell peanut butter?"
Julie: You're a great lover!
Handsome Stan: "Why can't I just masturbate in the living room in peace?"
Octopunk: "It is TIME. I REVEAL myself as your LORD. CLEANSE the neighborhood. KILL them ALL. But first get me some SNAUSAGES."
From yours truly: “Phil, get your big fucking dog out of the living room before I kill him. *sigh* Nothing like waking up from a lovely nap to the sensation of warm, fart breath on the back of my neck...”
Catfreek: "I've been stuck with this smelly dog since 1954, that's 399 dog years! Why won't he die? Whhhhyyyy!!!"
Winner: Tie between AC & Catfreeek
FOR BETTER OR WORSE
A more appropriate name would be "For Better or Worse (But Worse More Often Than Not)".
Whirlygirl:
Frame 1 -
Husband: Woo-hoo the Red Sox beat the Angels 10-1.
Frame 2 -
Wife: You're so insensitive! Don't you care about Little Susie? Look at her sparkling eyes, and cute button nose.
Frame 3 -
Husband: I thought the picture came with the frame?
Octopunk:
Panel 1
My face is a mask of anxiety and hopelessness. I can't change it. Even you, reading your paper, look anxious.
Panel 2
Watch. All I'm doing now is reaching for this picture on the night table, but you look like I might be going for a gun.
Panel 3
Note my despair as I look at this random baby. I look like the face on the album cover for The Wall. What's the big fucking deal?
Catfreeek:
Panel 1
"So John, I was thinking about all the years to come with little Michael."
Panel 2
"I conclude that the bad will outweigh the good. The sheer cost alone will break us, not to mention the aggravation and gray hair."
Panel 3
"Do you think it's too late to put him up for adoption?"
JPX:
Panel 1
“I can’t believe how fast the kids are growing up, I feel like we just got married yesterday”
Panel 2
“I know, sometimes I miss the carefree days before motherhood but I wouldn’t change a thing about our lives”
Panel 3
“Did you fart?”
All four of those were positively delightful but JPX's was perfect. It completely captured the bittersweet sappiness of the comic in the first two frames and then pulled the rug out from under us in frame 3.
Winner: JPX
FAMILY CIRCUS
Family Circus causes brain damage. This cannot be confirmed because everyone who has attempted to prove the hypothesis by studying the comic has suffered brain damage and thus lost all credibility.
Octopunk:
Mom: Well, Jeffy,it finally happened. That imp from the 5th dimension touched Dolly and her brain exploded all over the floor. Oh God, he's leaving the panel now. Jesus Christ that freaks me out.
Jeffy: Holy fuck!
JPX:
"Not Me, who made this mess?"
"Billy did it!"
Winner: Octopunk
CATHY
And finally we reach "Cathy" - the histrionic cartoon role model for unfunny, unattractive women who won't shut up about themselves despite their lack of self esteem. Her antics have been pissing me the hell off ever since I learned how to read.
50 Page McGee's lone submission struck comic gold because of his decision to ignore Cathy completely.
intro -
Cathy's father: Guess what, Cathy? The Lifetime Network just offered to make a TV series out of your comic strip.
Cathy: (nothing but static because 50p is holding his thumb over where cathy is standing)
setup -
C: (static)
climax -
C: (static)
denouement -
Dad: But think how great it will be to meet *the* Jennifer Aniston!
C: (static)
JPX:
“Cathy, look at this old picture I found of your great-grandmother”
Panel 2
“Wow, she looks just like me! I wonder what she was thinking when that picture was taken!”
Panel 3
“She’s so young and so full of life! She looks so happy and optimistic!”
Panel 4
“Stop shouting. Did anyone ever tell you that you sweat a lot?
“It’s a medical condition!”
Winner: 50 Page McGee
And now for The Big Winner. If I may paraphrase the Simpsons - in a way you're all winners. But in another, more accurate way, JPX is the winner. Congratulations on winning a hard fought battle. The ball is in your hands now, brother!
13 comments:
What a perfect morning so far, the sun it up, it's in the 70s, it's the birth of the Easter Bunny (I tip my hat to yee you my floppy-eared Leporidae) and I find out that I won the Caption Contest! Does it really get any better than this? Wait a minute, is that a penny I see on the ground?* Woo-hoo, my day keeps getting better!
I have made no secret of my overall lack of enthusiasm for HHD. After 2 years and hundreds of haikus I just think the idea has played itself out. Over the past few months there has been a significant drop-off in participation (*cough cough*, everyone) and I started to worry that the glory days of Horrorthon are long gone (remember Miko?).
But then something happened, something wonderful, there was the perfect confluence of events. On Thursday morning I had two patient cancellations in a row, opening up two free, unexpected hours. I went on the blog and was surprised to see a new contest (a day late I might add - yes, I'm scolding you, JSP). I quickly looked for the haiku topic and was delighted to see JSP's comic strip contest - perfect! I love contests that force people to revel certain aspects of themselves.
Everyone's personality emerged and I was chuckling about these cartoons for a few days. JSP notes that whoever wins the contest can do whatever they want (e.g. haikus, etc). I'm here to declare that any time I win in the future I will be repeating this contest, which is what I will do for this Wednesday. There are a few others who did not participate at all and I hope to see you guys get into it - it only takes a minute of your time for cryoing out loud (you know who you are!).
Yay me!
*shameless Simpsons reference
congratulations jpx, and awesome new contest concept jsp! much as i love hhd classic, i also love the idea of some winner-dictated variety in the competition each week.
Congrats JPX! I think I will also be promoting caption challenge hump days for the forseeable future.
I'm embarressed to admit I know the difference between the Family Circus brothers (Billy and Jeffy) from a long ago day when I borrowed a paperback of FC cartoons (well before I came of age and realized they sucked, I swear).
AC, I gotta know... have you seen an episode of a British show called The Comic Strip Presents in which someone amputates her leg to be more interesting only to be told it was the leg that interested the people she wished to impress? The ep was called The Beat Generation and was in black and white.
octopunk, maybe it's the diet pills, maybe it's buddha, but yes, i know and love the beat generation... how did you come across it? mr. ac and i were debating whether anyone would get the reference and i thought it highly unlikely.
Great hump day game JSP, I loved it and will continue as well, should I win.
Congrats JPX your enthusiasm for the new challenge shined through.
AC~Your Marmaduke shit caption made me spew my coffee.
Yay, JPX! I'm glad you'll keep the caption contest going...it was tons of fun.
I saw it broadcast on Comedy Central back when Penn Jillette still did voiceovers for their bumpers. They aired it after The Young Ones. I only saw that episode once or twice but it was so funny it really stuck with me.
I only saw one other episode of The Comic Strip involving a guy stealing a band's master tape and managing to sell it as a record, while the real band breaks up and wanders away and basically has no idea. Then the guy has to deal with the fact there's no band to tour and has to keep blowing up the venues they're scheduled to appear at the day before each concert.
"i also love the idea of some winner-dictated variety in the competition each week." Whirly suggested this months ago but people didn't take up on it. I'm happy to have a new contest, I don't think there's a haiku topic that hasn't been covered at this point and the comic strip idead is ripe with possibilities!
Whirly suggested no such thing.
By the way do you support the "one comment per strip per person" rule?
I'm not crazy about "one comment per strip..." Sometimes you write one thing then later you think of something much better. Also it's easier to come up with a caption for one panel strips like Family Circus then for multiple panels.
thanks catfreeek!
octopunk, i've seen a few other eps of the comic strip, though not all; the beat generation was the most compelling by far. and i still love the young ones!
Catfreeek, I hear what you're saying but I like the "one comment" rule because it forces everyone to think long and hard before posting.
The problem with that JSP is that sometimes when you have to think long and hard you never get around to posting;)
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