I'm trying something different for this week's (day late) hump day competition. Since the funny pages have been a (mildly) hot topic on Horrorthon in recent weeks, I came up with this simple challenge. I removed the inane dialogue from the following comics. Your job is to fill in the word bubbles with something hilarious. It can be sarcastic, overly dramatic, completely random, just plain dumb, satiric, ironic, supersonic or gin and tonic. You can make the strips form a story together or you can treat them as 5 different gags.
Take a quick glance at Cathy, For Better or Worse, Family Circus, Marmaduke and Mary Worth:
I'm only allowing one submission per person, per comic strip - a maximum of 5 comments for each person. Here's an example of an acceptable submission (referring to the Mary Worth strip directly above).
Mary Worth
Frame 1 -
Mary Worth: Harold, I haven't gone BM in several days.
Harold: I'm Sorry to hear that.
Frame 2 -
Mary Worth: Do you think it has something to do with the pot luck?
Harold: Please stop talking about it.
I'll accept entries through Saturday night and I'll post a winner Sunday before noon. I expect everyone's best.
35 comments:
Marmaduke
“Why…didn’t…I…change…the…batteries…in…the…carbon…monoxide…detector…last…winter? Feeling…sleepy…
Family Circus
"Not Me, who made this mess?"
"Billy did it!"
For Better For Worse
Panel 1
“I can’t believe how fast the kids are growing up, I feel like we just got married yesterday”
Panel 2
“I know, sometimes I miss the carefree days before motherhood but I wouldn’t change a thing about our lives”
Panel 3
“Did you fart?”
Panel 1
“Cathy, look at this old picture I found of your great-grandmother”
Panel 2
“Wow, she looks just like me! I wonder what she was thinking when that picture was taken!”
Panel 3
“She’s so young and so full of life! She looks so happy and optimistic!”
Panel 4
“Stop shouting. Did anyone ever tell you that you sweat a lot?
“It’s a medical condition!”
Mary Worth
Panel 1
Mary Worth
“And then I said to Blanche, ‘Blanche, you have to get with the times, I know it’s difficult adapting to new things, but look at me, if you had told me a year ago that I would be using email I would have thought you were crazy’…”
Harold
“Mmmm Hmmm”
Mary Worth
“I know technology can be scary but we have to keep up with it, right? Just yesterday my grandson told me that he wants to teach me how to use Face Book so I can stay abreast of everyone’s busy lives. Harold, can you imagine me, Mary Worth, using Face Book?
Harold
“For the love of God would you please stop talking?”
marmaduke
"phil, i think someone's been eating his own shit again!"
cathy
1
"cathy, what's in the enclosure?"
"oh no! it's my test results... i have gonorrhea!"
2
"no fair... i didn't know i could get gonorrhea from anal!"
3
"and to make matters worse, it says i have to notify all my recent partners so they can be tested!"
4
"so... is that a lot of people?"
"umm, pretty much everyone at the office."
Mary Worth
Frame 1 –
Mary Worth: Harold, I think you’re finally old enough to hear this. Do you remember that Irish milkman…what was his name…Fritz…oh no, Fritz was the German electrician. Ah…his name was…Mickey, no, that’s not right either…well, it’s not important. Anyway, one day the Irish milkman came over with his delectable bottle of strawberry milk. It was the creamiest dairy I’d ever seen. You know the kind Harold, the kind that makes you feel all CRAZY! Is it hot in here?
Harold: Errrr
Frame 2 -
Mary Worth: Where was I…oh yes, that luscious bottle of milk. Oh how I couldn’t wait to feel its smooth texture sliding down my throat. So I rushed the Irish milkman in with his big strawberry and I quickly downed it. It was like nothing I’d ever tasted before and I had to have more and more and more of it, I had to have all of it until it made me scream. I was sure that your father…well…ah…my husband would come rushing down from his study to see what all the commotion was for, but he didn’t. Anyway, Harold, you know how you’re the only one in the family to get a sunburn, and how your locks show flecks of ginger in the sun, oh and let’s not forget those unfortunate freckles on your bum that you attempted to scrape off with a brillo pad. Oh Harold, what I’m trying to say…what I’m trying to tell you sweet Harold, is that-
Harold: Shut up, mother! I’m not going to listen to this "I’m not your son" bologna just because I wouldn’t take you on that Disney cruise.
Family Circus
Bullshit not you! Your father was right. We should have kept the wrong baby when the hospital accidentally switched you at birth. I wonder how that other child is doing? He probably gets good grades, is studying to be a concert pianist, on his way to winning the Welch Award in Chemistry, and one day maybe even becoming the President of the United States.
Marmaduke
I think the condom broke!
Cathy
Panel 1:
“Cathy, based on your compatibility survey, we comprised a list of men who would are interested in taking you out to dinner on Friday.”
“ Wow, thanks Bill!”
Panel 2:
“Friday, wait that’s tomorrow! What on earth am I gonna wear? Do I have time to get my hair done? How will I know if he really likes me or if he’s just like all the other men?”
Panel 3:
“Even worse, what if dinner is going great and we really hit it off but then I accidentally say something that comes across as desperate? I SWEAR ON MY LIFE THAT I WILL BEHAVE LIKE A PERFECT LADY!”
Panel 4:
“Seriously Cathy, for once in your life just shut the fuck up for like 5 minutes.”
“I’m gonna die sad and lonely, aren’t I?”
Family Circus
“Ok, fess up. Which one of you took the jar of pubic hair by my bedside table and sprinkled it all over the kitchen?”
“Mom, that’s nasty!”
Marmaduke:
"It is TIME. I REVEAL myself as your LORD. CLEANSE the neighborhood. KILL them ALL. But first get me some SNAUSAGES.
Marmaduke:
“Phil, get your big fucking dog out of the living room before I kill him. *sigh* Nothing like waking up from a lovely nap to the sensation of warm, fart breath on the back of my neck...”
For Better or Worse
Panel 1:
“John, I have every intention of indulging your fantasy of partaking in a threesome.”
Panel 2:
“I promised you on your birthday and a Patterson always keeps her promise.”
Panel 3:
“But wouldn’t you agree that this one is a tad on the young side?”
Mary Worth
Panel 1
Mary: Why Harold, did you put almond extract in this tea? It's delicious!
Harold: It's cyanide, actually. I've had enough.
Panel 2
Mary: Harold Worth you silly goose! You know you can't kill me with poison.
Harold: It's not for you, you Hell bitch. You didn't get what I meant by "enough."
Marmaduke
"This manual air conditioning unit really stinks!"
Family Circus
"Look you little shit, I draw the line at picking up rabbit turds strewn about on my carpet! Say not me one more time, just one more fucking time and Imma go all Susan Smith on your ass! I brought you in this world and I can take you out!"
cathy:
intro -
Cathy's father: Guess what, Cathy? The Lifetime Network just offered to make a TV series out of your comic strip.
Cathy: (nothing but static because 50p is holding his thumb over where cathy is standing)
setup -
C: (static)
climax -
C: (static)
denouement -
Dad: But think how great it will be to meet *the* Jennifer Aniston!
C: (static)
Marmaduke
I've been stuck with this smelly dog since 1954, that 399 dog years! Why won't he die? Whhhhyyyy!!!
From Tony
Marmaduke
Do I smell peanut butter?
For Better or Worse
Panel 1
"So John, I was thinking about all the years to come with little Michael."
Panel 2
"I conclude that the bad will outweigh the good. The sheer cost alone will break us, not to mention the aggravation and gray hair."
Panel 3
"Do you think it's too late to put him up for adoption?"
Family Circus
Mom: Well, Jeffy,it finally happened. That imp from the 5th dimension touched Dolly and her brain exploded all over the floor. Oh God, he's leaving the panel now. Jesus Christ that freaks me out.
Jeffy: Holy fuck!
Mary Worth
Panel 1:
“You see Harold, KISS had to take the makeup off in order to stay relevant. They lost a lot of fans after The Elder and not even Creatures of the Night was able to dig them out of the ditch.”
“Lick it Up kicks ass.”
Panel 2:
“You’ve got that right, mister. You know what song doesn’t get enough credit? “Fits Like a Glove”.
“Oh yeah, don’t get me started. I love the part when Gene’s like “…a hot knife through butteeeerrrrrrrr…”
mary worth
1
"harold, i've had my legs cut off below the knee, as a gesture of love for you!"
"where are the legs?"
2
"why, at the hospital, of course!"
"but it's the legs i was interested in."
For Better for Worse
Frame 1 -
Husband: Woo-hoo the Red Sox beat the Angels 10-1.
Frame 2 -
Wife: You're so insensitive! Don't you care about Little Susie? Look at her sparkling eyes, and cute button nose.
Frame 3 -
Husband: I thought the picture came with the frame?
family circus
"who spilled all the witchetty grubs? and now what are we going to serve our aboriginal dinner guests?"
Mary Worth
Panel 1
Mary: You know, Harold, at my age, that many consecutive hours of anal sex should be exhausting.
Harold: That's why I put some Red Bull in your mug of Courvousier.
Panel 2
Mary: You remember when my legs were behind my head? But when I still managed to get THIS hand on your scrotum?
Harold: I told you I needed more lube.
Marmaduke:
"Why can't I just masturbate in the living room in peace?"
Family Circus:
"I don't give a shit who broke my glass bong. One weekend a month is too much with you little tyrants. Back in the cardboard box! I'm taking you back to your father's!"
For Better Or Worse:
Panel 1
"Are you reading the police report again? There's no way that the Ice-Pick Rapist is our little Johnny."
Panel 2
"I mean, sure the pictures are similar, but the one they have is a little blurry - "
Panel 3
"OMIGOD. He's got the same mole on his nose! I've got to got throw up..."
Cathy
Panel 1
"Cathy, here's a picture of me on vacation last year in Cozumel."
"But...you're not wearing any bathing suit!"
Panel 2
"In fact, you seem to be twirling your Speedo on one finger, while cheerfully sipping a margarita! And WHY are there naked CHILDREN in this picture? WHY would you show me this???"
Panel 3
"I'm going to have a nervous breakdown! I am severely traumatized!"
Panel 4
"Well...what did you think NAMBLA stood for?"
"...erp."
"
These are from Julie, who didn't sign in and is now falling asleep with Zack
Cathy
Panel 1
Irving: Order anything you want
Cathy: I want chocolate
Panel 2
Cathy: Ack!
Panel 3
Cathy: Ack!
Panel 4
Irving: So what are we doing tonight?
Cathy: Maybe a blowjob
Marmaduke:
You're a great lover!
Family Circus:
Mom: I wish I never had you
Jeffy: Not Me told me to kill you
Cathy
Panel 1
Lady: Here, Cathy, take a look at this
Cathy: Is that this season's new bikini line?
Panel 2
Cathy: Ack! There's no way I can ever look good in any of these! Ack!
Panel 3
Cathy: This is an unfair standard! Ack! I need to eat some chocolate even though it makes the problem worse! ACK, I say!
Panel 4
Lady: Ooookay. That was a Rorschach test. So yeah, you can commit yourself.
Cathy: At least somebody can commit
For Better For Worse
Panel 1
My face is a mask of anxiety and hopelessness. I can't change it. Even you, reading your paper, look anxious.
Panel 2
Watch. All I'm doing now is reaching for this picture on the night table, but you look like I might be going for a gun.
Panel 3
Note my despair as I look at this random baby. I look like the face on the album cover for The Wall. What's the big fucking deal?
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