Mischief Night

(2013) **1/2

Teenage Emily, who has suffered from hysterical blindness and asthma ever since her mother perished in a car accident 9 years earlier, moves into a remote country home with her overprotective father, David.  It is the night before Halloween and David is reluctantly going on his first date in years.  Soon after he leaves Emily suspects that someone is in her house.  Her worst fears are realized when a man clad in a creepy mask and yellow rain jacket begins to stalk her.  Although she manages to call her boyfriend, father, and aunt, she realizes that she must deal with the immediate threat on her own.

I am in no position to judge how well a blind individual is able to navigate through a large house while being stalked.  However, like Audrey Hepburn in ‘Wait Until Dark’ Emily seems to have no problem eluding her sighted captor as he chases her with an ax.  Stubbing my toe the other night in an effort to walk from my bedroom to the bathroom (8 feet), I am somewhat incredulous about a blind person’s (Daredevil-like) ability to get around quickly without injury.  In ‘Mischief Night’ it makes little sense to me that the killer would stalk Emily while wearing a Halloween mask and yellow rain slicker.  If the point is to terrorize her, a scary costume hardly seems necessary given that she is BLIND.  Home invasion movies are among my least favorite in the horror genre.  Having said that, I am able to enjoy a home invasion story if there is some pipe-in-the-ass payoff at the end.  I hated The Strangers (no payoff), for example, but really enjoyed “You’re Next” (excellent payoff).  In Mischief Night there is no payoff.  Without spoiling the ending I will refer you to The Strangers which has a similar outcome.

Thor: The Dark World

2013  ****

This is, of course, not a Horrorthon review.  50P and I just caught this and it was a lot of fun so I thought I'd sound off.  It's better than the first one, lots of action, really cool weird-ass spaceships, these guys

And it was funny, but not stupid funny.  Maybe a little stupid funny, but still better than the first one.  Once again the weak link is Natalie Portman, not so much in her performance but because it's hard to figure why Thor digs her so.

Edit!  There are not one but two scenes after the end credits start, so stay for all of them.

Go here for the story on that top image.

Jug Face

(2013) ***1/2

Not to be confused with Jughead, Archie’s affable best pal, Jug Face is about a creepy backwoods, impoverished community where rednecks make moonshine and eat road kill while adhering to cult-like religious doctrine.  This little paradise is protected by a strange entity called “the pit”.  While the pit has healing powers it also requires occasional human sacrifice which is determined by whatever visage the town potter carves onto a jug whenever he falls into a trance.

Ada, already having a bad day due to a looming arranged marriage to an ugly oaf and from discovering that her brother impregnated her, learns that she is the next Jug Face.  Stealing and hiding the jug deep in the woods Ada attempts to escape her fate by pretending that it does not exist.  Disastrous results ensue.

This Southern Gothic hillbilly tale is a slow burn with a sympathetic protagonist and a Wicker Man feel.  Like other Gothic tales there are occasional splashes of violence however Jug Face is more about dread and fate than gore.  Like “We Are What We Are”, Jug Face challenges predetermination and our desire for individuation.  

Godzilla vs. Biollante

1989  **

This started out with such promise.  We open with some Godzilla shenanigans from the previous movie and then we cut to a team of government specialists digging through the debris afterwards.  They're looking for Godzilla tissue samples, which thanks to the VHS dub I was stuck with, everybody refers to as "cells."  A guy finds a clump of Godzilla flesh the size of a meatball and he says "Look!  I found some cells!"  I realize that's not technically inaccurate, but I was reminded of the Mr. Burns flashback on The Simpsons in which a worker is hauled off because he has four atoms in his pocket.  My point is, you hear the words "Godzilla cells" in this movie an awful lot.

Everybody wants them, which is depicted right away when a trio of soldiers elsewhere in the rubble bag their own sample and then have to shoot their way out when the government troops spot them.  In several kaiju reviews I have lamented the unfair influence the human characters have on the experience, and for a few minutes I was wicked excited about this flick, with all the machine guns and grenades and running around, all set to overblown rockin' guitar music.  I thought "Yeah!  This is what the humans should be up to!"  I watched gleefully as the mercenaries escaped into the subway, only to be dispatched by a lone trenchcoated assassin, who utters the movie's most memorable line, one of the worst action scene cappers ever:  "Well... (smirks) Thanks, guys!"  (Then he runs away.)

Unfortunately, the movie peaked right there, about five minutes in.  From start to finish, the main focus is the tedious intrigue between the goverment, those other guys, and that other guy.  It's all about "who's got the Godzilla cells?" and later "Who's got the radiation-eating bacteria?"  At one point a scientist mixes some Godzilla cells with the DNA of a rose and his dead daughter, because why not?  It turns into a huge plant that kills a would-be thief, busts out of the lab and slithers outside.  The locals wake up to a colossal plant monster rising out of the middle of their lake.  It's Biollante!  And so the monster action begins!

Wrong!  Godzilla is still dormant at this point and Biollante isn't actually bothering anyone, so the characters turn their backs on the humongous vegetable and go about their lives.  Eventually Godzilla wakes up and Biollante calls him to the lake and they fight for like a minute and Godzilla blows up the plant with atomic breath.

Do I even have to say it?  Not enough monster!  It's the worst sin there is for a monster movie, expecially a Kaiju movie.  Here's a list of what Kaiju flicks are about:

1)  Really big creatures fighting each other and smashing the works of man.

There is no number 2, and if you ask me how much of number 1 a good kaiju flick should have, the answer is too much.  It should feel like when you go back for a third piece of birthday cake, which is why I don't watch too many of them in a short span of time.

Oh, the plant monster comes back and Godzilla fights some tanks and there's this floating remote controlled doohicky called the Super X 2 that flies around and shoots stuff.  I can't say there's a lack of spectacle, but there's far too many cutaways to the peoples' plotlines, whether it be the three Godzilla cellmonger factions, or the scientist, or the girl psychic, or the young soldier who commands the Super X 2.  And it's not a good enough movie to endure all those cutaways, because every time the camera is suddenly pointing at a non-monster your heart dies a little inside.  The ending might be trying to reverse this trend but it fails:  Biollante saves the day and dissolves into a shower of golden light that wanders up into the clouds, upon which we see the face of the scientist's dead daughter, who smiles benevolently.  Ha ha ha, NO, I must be kidding, right?

Ha ha ha, no, I'm not.

Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation

(1990) ***

Eschewing the “Killer Santa” angle from the first 3 installments, Silent Night, Deadly Night 4:  Initiation veers into a completely new direction (think Halloween 3:  Season of the Witch).  Clint Howard (ugly and great as always) witnesses a woman on fire plunge to her death from the top of a tall building.  Although this garners little press, a stubborn reporter, Kim, decides to take it upon herself to explore this story further despite being told by her J. Jonah Jamison boss not to bother (why is every reporter’s boss always an asshole?).

Kim’s investigation leads her to a local bookstore where she befriends Fima, an expert on mythology.  After giving Kim a book about a virgin goddess she invites her to a picnic with some of her (creepy) friends.  During the picnic Kim is slipped a mickey and she begins to hallucinate.  Slowly she realizes that Fima is part of a coven and she has set her sights set on her to be the newest member. Fima reveals that the woman who died at the beginning of the film was her daughter and she wants Kim to take her place.  Escaping the coven is not easy when you have Clint Howard on your tail and weird bugs start showing up in your apartment.

Having absolutely nothing to do with Christmas SNDN4 is nonetheless the best installment in the entire series.  Clint Howard is at his very best as Fima’s pussy-whipped (I hate that expression) servant.  He has the uncanny ability to viciously murder someone and yet seconds later become totally sympathetic in an “Aw, gee, shucks” kind of way.  The film plays like a fever dream where it is unclear whether Kim is witnessing reality or simply having the greatest trip ever.  At one point a large worm is inserted into a woman’s abdomen only to immediately emerge out of her mouth as a much larger worm, eeeeeeew!  There are many gross out sequences like this including some killer pasta – yes, killer pasta.  The Silent Night, Deadly Night films are generally awful but SNDN4 is worth checking out and I have a feeling that it will become a regular part of my horror rotation.

Eraserhead

(1977) ****

Henry lives a bleak and depressing existence in an industrial city.  His life takes on the quality of unending nightmare when his girlfriend Mary X gives birth and Henry passively accepts responsibility for their grotesque infant.

Phew!  Really not sure how to describe Eraserhead other than to say it is extremely surreal, disturbing, twisted, and darkly humorous. Pure David Lynch. Neither Mr. AC nor I had
seen Eraserhead before and weren't initially sure it would qualify as horror, but it totally does.  A great way to wrap up (sniff) Horrorthon 2013.

Dracula

(1931) ****

I find it difficult to rate something that is responsible for both Twilight and Interview with the Vampire. It feels incredible to see Lugosi pave the way for future vampire movies, to watch his every movement and listen to every line, as noted in JPX's review from 2005. I'm also in agreement with Landshark in his '08 review that it feels like you need to do some homework beforehand (or while watching the Lugosi classic) to get the cinematic context needed to appreciate this one. There is a fascinating history to the process of making the movie as well as histories of the character actors themselves if you listen to the commentary (which I'm actually doing right now while writing this review).

Van Helsing, not portrayed here by Hugh Jackman (dangit!)

I personally loved the opening scenes in Transylvania, the eerie aura that Dracula exudes as he escorts Renfield around his castle and goes about his business. Once the Count travels to England and wreaks havoc in London I found it difficult to pay attention or get attached to any new characters, although it provides a cultural bridge between the Transylvania of old and a modern world of London. With this comes new challenges and conquests for Dracula: Van Helsing promises to put a stop to his murderous rampage, while pretty dames sleep with their windows open and working-class citizens are out late walking home at night provide a tasty meal for the Count. Normally watching a film won't inspire me to read the original novel; but here, despite October being over, I can't wait to  dive into it like Lugosi's fangs in a warm pulsating neck.

We Are What We Are

(2013) ****

The reclusive Parker family adhered to a unique fundamentalist religious tradition for many generations, but the most peculiar of their familial observances remained hidden from their small community until the consequences of a flood threaten to bring their secret out into the open.

Thanks to JPX for finding this disturbing and effective film, and for not giving away too much in his review.  The less you know about this one the better.  This is the rare film where the feeling of horror comes not from violence or gore (though there is certainly some of both) but from human behavior.  Sounds like the Spanish original, which Catfreeek reviewed, may be more gory and violent, and I'll have to remember to add it to the queue for Horrorthon 2014.

Gravity

(2013) ****

Dr. Ryan Stone is on her first shuttle mission, accompanied by confident veteran astronaut Matt Kowalski.  When unexpected disaster strikes, the two are stranded in space, with very limited prospects for survival.

Still striving for no spoilers, just in case!

Gravity is a visually gorgeous, heart-pounding thrillride.  I was skeptical of the casting, because Clooney and Bullock are such big stars, and I didn't know how believable they'd be, but both did an excellent job.  The IMAX 3-D was the best use of the technology I've seen. My main complaint (and it's fine if y'all disagree) was Stone's backstory, which felt like more drama than we needed.  The actual predicament itself provided sufficient excitement and concern, and that extra detail felt emotionally manipulative and took me out of the movie a little. But I still recommend it highly, definitely in the theater, and in IMAX 3-D if at all possible.

V/H/S/2

 

(2013) ***1/2

Surprisingly good.  A pair of private investigators get a job to go find a college boy who hasn't been heard from in a week.  They arrive at his place and break in.  They don't find the kid, but they do find a large collection of VHS cassette tapes.  So, they watch 4 of them.  That is the wrap-around plot for what is essentially a collection of short films. Here are the 4 plots, briefly:

Tape 1: New eye implant allows users to see dead people

Tape 2: Guy wearing a GO camera becomes a zombie, and we get first person zombie action

Tape 3: Investigating a cult

Tape 4: Alien home invasion

The wraparound story is kind of weak, and the last tape was boring, but fortunately, it's also the shortest.  The first three stories are really cool.  The eye implant story excels in that, while we're so used to seeing glimpses of ghosts in the background, or some kind of ominous sign to prepare us for the scare, the first-person view shows a different take on being haunted. 

Tape 2 is more fun than scary, even if it isn't intended to be.  In the event of a zombie apocalypse, one imagines shooting, stabbing, and driving over zombies.  This story really shows you that, from the zombie's perspective, and is even ablet to add a little "Warm Bodies"-esque humanity to the zombie.

 Tape 3 was probably the best.  Builds up the tension great with creepy cult types, then lets the gore off the leash in the very fulfilling last act.

I hated the first VHS from last year and had no intention to see the sequel.  Then, i got a text from my brother saying it wasn't bad, and well, I just sat on the porch passing out candy last night and watching this on netflix, and well, it was a lot of fun. 

Detour

(2013) ***

Jackson is having a bad day.  He awakens in his stalled car with the airbag deployed.  Looking out the window he assumes that it is nighttime because it is pitch-black.  With growing horror he realizes that he is not looking at nighttime but rather dirt.  Flashbacks reveal that while on his way to work he was buried in a mudslide at an unknown depth.  Confident that rescue will be eminent he kicks back and relaxes.  However he soon realizes that rescue is not coming and if he is to survive he will have to use every available resource.  The air becomes thin and he becomes awfully thirsty.  Just how long will his car battery last before he is plunged into total darkness?

Detour is the latest in a growing body of predicament stories.  I love a good predicament but I realize that this is a polarizing genre.  Detour mirrors 27 Days and the like in an almost paint-by-numbers manner.  Like its predecessors we follow our protagonist as he takes stock of the random objects he has on his possession which will later be utilized with MacGyver-like intuition.  Water and food sources must be established before a plan for escape can be derived.  Like similar stories we learn more about our protagonist via flashbacks and from the pictures and videos he has on his phone (have you ever noticed that every person in a predicament has touching family footage in their phone?  Me?  Nah, I have footage from the last KISS concert I attended).  Jackson’s flashbacks suggest that he has been too work-driven and neglectful of his relationship.  As he makes his way through the Kübler-Ross stages of grief he realizes that he must make changes in his life if he survives his ordeal.  If you enjoy a good predicament than Detour is a fairly gripping, albeit derivative, take on the genre.  For all others, skip it.