Lazarus died and was entombed for four days, so the story goes, before Jesus Chroist showed up and coaxed him, alive, from his tomb. What most accounts of the story missed is that, when he emerged from the tomb, he smelled pretty much the way you'd expect a man who had been dead for four days to smell. So that's one thing he and Halloween: Resurrection have in common.
First, a brief synopsis: A group of college students is invited to star in a reality show based out of the decrepit Myers house. He shows up and kills most of them. The end.
I watched this movie with subtitles -- My downstairs neighbor is a dick, and I try to keep to a minimum the number of times I have to deal with him. Anyway, there's a subtitle towards the end of the movie when we're down to our last two victims that reads, "[Scary music playing]."
There could just as easily have been a subtitle under Busta Rhymes explaining, "[Busta is explaining his entire thought process on the matter]."
Take, for example, this scene the night before the killings. Busta convinces one of the contestants who is having second-thoughts about the show to stick around. She leaves and he has this to say to himself:
"Ol' Freddie boy, damn you good. Shit you come up with off the top of your head, boy. Why don't you just pat yourself on the back?" [pat, pat, pat]
He's proud of himself for his charisma. Did everyone get that? Busta. Is. Proud. Period.
Still not convinced? Let's take a look at Busta's polished toasting skills in this elegant and informative toast to his wife (Tyra Banks):
"This is to us, for successfully putting together something collectively so ingenious as a team and a duo that we should definitely be able to secure a lot of food on the table for ourselves as long as everything goes as nicely as it's going right now."
Much also has been said of Busta's overuse of the word "Mothafucka!" So I took the liberty of counting them all. There are five. To his credit, though, he manages to only say it twice in the first 1:20 of the movie, and in those last ten minutes or so, he's getting chased by a guy with a knife -- it's Busta Rhymes for pete's sake; of course he'd drop tons of F-bombs if you tried to kill him.
So yeah, totally pointless movie. I did, however, like at least the idea of killings caught on camera in a reality TV show. It's got sort of a popcorn snuff thing to it. And Michael Myers is still an effective and terrifying bad guy 6 movies later. There's an awful serenity in every step he takes. Busta Rhymes encapsulated it perfectly in this taut explanation to a gaggle of TV reporters.
"Michael Myers is a killer. That's all."
HA! Just kidding. I left some words out. Here's the whole thing:
"Michael Myers is not a sound bite, a spin-off, a tie-in, some kind of celebrity scandal. Michael Myers is a killer shark in baggy-ass overalls that gets his kicks off of killing everything and everyone that he comes across. That's all."
He's right. Sometimes I think of baggy-ass overalls and my blood turns to ice in my veins.
5 comments:
The Myers house is HUGE in this one.
You forgot to mention the worst part of this film, the COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY death of Laurie!
Yeah, plot-wise, totally unnecessary. They could easily have had her already be dead before the events of this one took place. JLC took the part so she could ensure that she wasn't going to show up in any more sequels.
I wholeheartedly DESPISE this movie. It almost prompted me to give up the Horrorthon altogether. Luckily I came to my senses.
What kills me about "Michael Myers is not a sound bite, a spin-off, a tie-in, some kind of celebrity scandal." is that Busta's character's mission in this movie is to make MM exactly that. And does he address the media with a sense of guilt at luring several people, including his wife, to their deaths? Does he say "you know, up until about twenty minutes ago I was doing the same thing you guys were"? Nope. Self-righteous sneering. This movie sucks.
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