(1993) *1/2
Sheesh, this one is brutal. Generally, the Horrorthon is one of those things that posits “why ask why?” (Or as I like to say it, in the words of the Sad Clown of Life from that beer commercial that mocked foreign cinema: “porque demando porque?”) Here we have this nutball contest, there we have this amazing supply of bad movies, and sure – you could raise lots of questions about people's motives before you even slide that VHS tape out of its battered box. But what good will it do, really?
Well, you can be as Zen about it as you want, this movie will still have you on your knees like the guy in the Platoon poster, clawing the ground, reaching up to the sky, wailing “what were they THINKING???” the whole time.
We had a party at my house on Friday, which seemed like a good reason to get the three west coast Horrorthonners in one place for a screening. Amid the festive atmosphere, this movie can be fun. But since I didn't actually stay put during that first viewing (only I'mnotMarc and my friend Anne managed that), I had to start it again the next day, by myself. So much less fun I opted to go to sleep. Fortunately, I somehow tricked my roommate and his girlfriend to share the pain later that night. Whew.
A guy comes back from Ireland with a bag of gold to show his wife, who attributes his Leprechaun story to the bottle of Jameson's he just tossed in the yard. I don't know about you, but if someone ever presents me with a real live bag of gold to share, I'll probably keep more of an open mind. Then a gnarled and nasty member of The Wee Folk pops out of the luggage, probably reeking of stale Guinness. The guy manages to trap the ugly bugger in a crate by placing a four-leafed clover on top of it. If he used a little tape, or maybe a pin, he'd save us all a lot of trouble. Instead he has a stroke and ten years later Jennifer Aniston, some dippy hunk guy and the two-man comic relief team have to deal with the consequences.
Like the Terminator, the Leprechaun is scary because bullets only knock him out for a little bit and he can imitate the voices of others to fool you. Also like the Terminator, he's compelled to shine any shoes you throw in his general direction. He's also nuts about various conveyances; in this movie you see him ride a tricycle, pogo stick, miniature car, skateboard, roller skates, wheelchair and some jury-rigged thing he makes in the barn, A-team style, that despite its tiny size can topple a pickup truck. Although he does all this riding, we see him running around so much I felt downright assaulted by all the close-up footage of his little pumping legs in the stripey socks and needlessly tight pants. Why oh why did they dress up a dwarf in high-heeled buckle boots and tight purple pants? Oop, there I go again.
And sure, you can say that this is all tongue-in-cheek and they knew they were making a bad movie, yadda yadda yadadda. That doesn't wash with me. Nobody escapes accountability for this kind of content.
This was made in 1993, but it comes across as an 80's flick, big time. The little kid swears a lot, his moronic buddy (Francis from Pee Wee's Big Adventure) sports this ridiculously loud shirt under his overalls -- even the strategically-placed paint smears on the hero's biceps invoke eightiesness. In the bad way.
In one of Douglas Adam's Dirk Gently books, the title character has an ongoing Cold War style conflict with his cleaning lady: who will be the first to open his disgusting refrigerator, which hasn't been opened in months. The Horrorthon now has a little sub-contest attached to it, and that's which of us is going to break down and stuff ALL the Leprechaun movies into our eye sockets. I'd love to say it'll never be me, but how long can I resist numbers 4, 5 and 6, which are titled respectively "Leprechaun: In Space," "Leprechaun in the Hood," and "Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood."
4 comments:
If anyone is up for the task it's you Octo. You did manage to make it through 7 Howling installments. My god, were there really 7 Howlings?
On Friday I made it through a good chunk of that movie before bowing out, which sucks because I can't count it, but it's okay because I didn't have to finish it or review it.
You're absolutely right about the accountability factor here.
I forgot, what was the end result of the Dirk Gently fridge chess match?
Neither Dirk nor the cleaning lady are the dupes, I think somehow that falls to the two demon-like characters, who are later seen in a vision rowing in the open fridge like it's a boat. Oh, Douglas.
I'd love to hear your take on it, but I'll tell ya: going back to watch this again was like when you squash the garbage down to make more room and some unknown liquid squirts onto your hand.
I intended to watch the entire franchise last Thon but after suffering though this one, which must be the "best" one in the series, I realized that I wasn't up for the task. You should go through them all, Octo, come on, take one for the team.
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