(2006) **
What is it all about man, I mean honestly? How much is too much? Yes, modern horror cinema has now reached a point where they can convincingly show a head bashed open with a sledgehammer, a man getting skinned alive and a chainsaw tearing through human flesh. So now what? Are our senses so dulled that we can only be stimulated by watching our fellow man dehumanized? Will we not be satisfied until we ourselves share in receiving and inflicting suffering? Why don't we just slit our wrists and call it a day?
And with that my friends, I am respectfully bowing out of this year's competition.
Just kidding, of course.
(2006) ****
Well for better or worse, the bar has indeed been raised. TC: The Beginning will be nearly impossible to top in the graphic torture department and I'm not sure if I want to see the movie that does top it.
I guess it was only a matter of time before they got it right. This is after all, the 6th version of the same movie. But this time, not a single mistake was made. No bad acting (original TCM), no cartoonish lunacy (TCM2), no regressing into Friday the 13th slasher crap (TCM3), no Matthew McConaughey (TCM: the Next Generation) and no "meets but does not exceed expectations" (TCM remake). If this movie doesn't get to you then nothing will.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go vomit.
7 comments:
f-ing genius. i totally fell for the two star thing.
I totally fell for it too, you bastard.
***********!!!SPOILER!!!!*********
SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER
I can't believe that no one survived! I know the writing was on the wall but how on earth could they decide to end it without giving us any kind of satisfaction??? Isn't there a rule about that?
Great review gag! I didn't fall for it, but only because I scrolled down too fast. Clever bastard.
Horror movies where none of the good guys survive do risk making the whole exercise seem pointless. You know: "why not have everyone just die in the car accident, you jerks!" I can give this one a pass because the victims do get the upper hand once or twice, which provides a "yay!" even if it's short-lived.
No one could survive. If anyone had survived there wouldn't have been a Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Any survivor would've gone to the police and it would've been all over for Leatherface and his clan.
They could have at least turned into an incoherent mess in a straightjacket!
Ha! Summerisle, it's clear you know the rules of the game. I like to imagine that, were that a conversation, you gave that answer without missing a beat.
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