Picture it, London, 1880. Famous neurosurgeon, Sir Robert Cargrave, is summoned by a former girlfriend to her remote castle in Gorslave. It would seem that she was tricked into marrying the menacing Barron Sardonicus, and she now believes that she is in danger. Mr. Sardonicus sports a Michael Myers mask to conceal a mysterious disfigurement. Upon arrival Cargrave quickly surmises that all is not right in this castle of horrors. For example, almost immediately he hears a maid screaming and finds her chained up and covered with leeches. Sardonicus, you see, is into some weird shit. As the film unfolds we learn that Mr. Sardonicus wears his Michael Myers mask because his face is frozen in a hideous shit-eating grin.
Mr. Sardonicus explains that he suffered this affliction in his youth after digging up his father’s grave to retrieve a winning lottery ticket. For reasons never fully explained, digging up the grave pissed off his father’s corpse, hence the curse of the perma-grin. Mr. Sadonicus forces Cargrave to perform experimental surgery on his face. Although Cargrave initially resists this demand, he quickly acquiesces after Sardonicus threatens to harm his wife. At first the surgery appears to be a success, but Mr. Sardonicus soon learns that his new handsome appearance comes with a steep price.
Directed by William “House on Haunted Hill” Castle, Mr. Sardonicus is fun like, say, House on Haunted Hill. Never scary, but pretty silly, the film will keep you engrossed long enough for the punch line, which is pretty weak. Near the end of the film Director Castle comes on screen and asks the audience whether or not Mr. Sardonicus got off too easily. The audience completed a "Punishment Poll" prior to the start of the movie and apparently flashed their glow-in-the-dark thumbs up/ thumbs down cards at the screen per Castle’s request. After counting up the numbers Castle would reveal Sardonicus’s fate based on audience vote. It’s amusing to think that 1960s audiences were under the impression that the ending of the film wasn’t already predetermined. Idiots.
Director William Castle, bearing an uncanny resemblence to Fred Mertz, asking the audience to vote on Mr. Sardonicus’ fate.
7 comments:
I love that mask! He looks like a mix between Michael Myers and the "suave bastard" from Blue Velvet. The movie sounds cool too.
"It’s amusing to think that 1960s audiences were under the impression that the ending of the film wasn’t already predetermined. Idiots."
I love it! They should have done the same thing at the end of Sith.
This is probably the best movie title we've seen yet this year. It's made me smile each time I've checked the blog this morning.
Mr. Sardonicus. It sounds like a taunt. "Oh, that's very fine for YOU, Mr. Sardonicus."
I know, the whole reason I got this film in the first place is that I love the title! That would be a good blog name.
he sounds like a godzilla baddie. "sardonicus is attacking the city! strap on your anti-smug helmets!"
That guy at the end looks an awful lot John Mahoney - Frasier's Dad...
Wow, you're right, he's a dead-ringer!
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