Memorial Valley Massacre

(1988) *

It’s Memorial Day weekend and Memorial Valley Campground is having some major start up problems beginning with a lack of running water, functioning toilet facilities, and damn, there’s a dead dog in the well (we get a longer-than-necessary look at this surprisingly convincing canine corpse). In a scene plagiarized right out of Jaws and Piranha, Allen Sangster, the park’s chief investor, insists that the park open as planned lest he lose a tremendous amount of income; Memorial Day Weekend is the park’s Super Bowl after all. Allen’s clean-cut, heart of gold, tree-hugger son shows up to pitch in much to the annoyance of park ranger and expert tracker George, who believes that David is just there to make sure he doesn’t screw up. Add to the mix a whole lot of colorless characters including caretaker Deke, an African American Steppin' n' fetchin'-stereotype who makes us all feel better about ourselves (i.e., “He’s funny because he’s black and he says colorful things”) and a bunch of rude vacationers who take every opportunity to bitch about things and lob insults at the park employees. Soon, however, people begin to die in violent ways. Meanwhile Deke relates a story about park ranger George (you ever notice how every movie like this always has a caretaker who knows the mysterious history of the park?). Apparently George’s son was kidnapped 20 years ago in Memorial Valley Park and “expert” tracker George has been looking for him ever since (some expert, huh? I don’t think George could track his way out of Wal-Mart). Why George believes that the kid is in the park is never explained. As you’ve no doubt figured out by now, George’s now-feral kid, who bears a striking resemblance to Willie Ames is the one responsible for all the gruesome murders. Will David and his ragtag crew be able to stop Willie Ames in time? Yes.

You be the judge; feral boy from Memorial Valley Massacre,


Willie Ames,


Sigh, every year I attempt to up my Horrorthon numbers by watching a bunch of these cheap horror films, you know, the kind that come in a 50-pack. The downside to watching shorter, cheap movies is that they end up being a PAINFUL exercise to get through and this one is no different. Made with the cheapest of all budgets, this film is about as rewarding as a cancer diagnosis. The only thing it has going for it is, nah, this has nothing going for it.