The Hamiltons

(2006) **1/2

Francis Hamilton is a teenager struggling with all the nonsense that goes along with the growing pains of those awful years. In addition to the usual teen doldrums he must also deal with his unusual family. There’s moody big brother David, the head of the household now that their parents died under mysterious circumstances and his twin siblings, Wendell and Darlene who cause most of the problems in the Hamilton household. What kinds of problems I hear nobody asking? Little things like murder, cannibalism, rape, incest, and unexpected homosexuality. Adding to this chaotic household is a basement replete with women chained to the wall. Occasionally the women are amputated to keep them in their place. Will Francis follow in his family’s footsteps or will he have the fortitude to make different choices for himself?



Here’s a riddle for you; what do you get when you cross an episode of Party of Five with Leatherface’s family? If you guessed The Hamiltons you’d be correct. The Hamiltons, part of the After Dark Horrorfest, wants to be shocking, and at times it is. However needlessly long conversations about life, spotty pacing, amateurish acting, and an uneven tone ultimately sinks what could’ve been a more effective effort. The Hamiltons is not horrible, it’s just not that good. Another 90 minute film that would work better as a Twilight Zone episode.