They (aka Invasion From Inner Earth)

(1974) *

Jake and his sister Sarah live in a remote cabin in the woods of Manitoba, B.C. Returning home one afternoon following a failed hunting excursion Jake remarks that the woods are silent without any hint of living animal. During this conversation we learn that the two siblings, who reside in this cabin alone, had been playing host to Eric, Stan, and Andy, a trio of “researchers” (we never learn what they were researching) who leave the creepy siblings and pile into their small plane to return to Hightower, a far away town. Later, upon their approach to the Hightower airport, the trio are warned by (apparently the only human being running the airport) to turn around and go back lest they suffer the same mysterious fate of the rest of the world. They learn that in their absence strange things have been occurring and people have been dying by a mysterious plague spread by an alien spaceship using red lights and smoke.


No, this is not a scene from Dawn of the Dead!

Dismissing this warning the “researchers” land and explore the airport. During this time they encounter a strange event while attempting to radio for help from the main office. Weird noises are heard and a red light without a source begins shining around the room. The noises and light ceases after a minute and the researchers agree that they have seen enough and decide to get the hell out of there, but where should they go? Exactly! They return to the cabin in the woods where they hunker down with the weird siblings in an effort to buy themselves some time to figure out their next move.



For what seems like forever, the five hang out in the cabin, bitch about various stupidness and generally get on each other’s nerves. Periodically they receive bizarre messages on their ham radio from a monotone voice requesting information about their location. Eventually the five become four as one of the researchers, no doubt suffering from cabin fever, runs out into the wilderness, steals the plane, and flies off. This proves to be a mistake as a red light shines on the plane and it explodes. Clearly not learning from airplane dude’s mistake, another researcher steals a snowmobile in an effort to seek help. Yep, you guessed it, red lights and blammo! Apparently absent of a learning curve, the remaining three trek out into the wilderness on foot. One is killed by the red light and the last two are turned into children with loincloths. As they walk off into the sunset hand in hand one can only surmise that they are the new Adam and Eve taking the first steps on a new, now unpopulated Earth (?)



“They” is an unremitting exercise in tedium. When you’re not poised to blow your brains out from the non-stop chatter, the brief periods of poorly-rendered fx action will have you reading the ingredients off of a cold medicine box as this Horrorthonner found himself doing. Even the explanation for the alien behaviour is about as boring as it gets, check it out:

Stan: About 8000 years ago, the planet Mars came within very close proximity to the Earth— even closer than our own moon.

Eric: You mean like the comet Kahutec, just passing us by.

Stan: No, no— nothing like that. You see, in this case, Mars stayed close to the Earth for approximately 2000 years. Now it’s just a fact of science that, because of the electromagnetic fields, you just can’t have two immense heavenly bodies in such close proximity like that for any length of time. And so what happened, all hell just broke loose. Now, the inhabitants of Mars, they knew the end was near, so they knew that the only thing they could do was to get out, to make a split. So the obvious place to go was Planet Earth.

Sarah: But weren’t things just as bad here on Earth?

Stan: Yeah, they were. That’s a good question. During that time… well, how does the Bible describe it? The Period of the Seventh Seal. It was during this time the great flood, earthquakes, fire— but you see, this was all irrelevant because the Martians were not interested in the surface of the Earth, because through their advanced technology, they had made scouting probes, and they discovered that the interior of the Earth closely approximated their own atmosphere and was very compatible to them. So in the words of the old master, Jules Verne, a journey to the center of the Earth seemed about the only way out.