Häxan

(1922) ***

I begin with the oldest horror film in the Criterion Collection's streaming service (other than Nosferatu, which I've already reviewed). Häxan is an early silent film from Denmark. More than half of its runtime is devoted to historical commentary on the reaction of the church to witchcraft (confirmed or alleged) in medieval culture, though slightly less than half of the film is devoted to a narrative about one witchcraft Inquisition. So it's a long-short film sandwiched in the middle of a documentary. Totally counts.

Nowadays, we find the Inquisition to be one of the most appalling movements in the history of organized religion, particularly the brutal investigatory and punitive methods of the church at that time. I don't think I appreciated how much our enlightened perspective about how shitty the church used to be (I know, JohnnySweatpants, I know) is not a new philosophical trend. This movie is just shy of 100 years old and Häxan director Benjamin Christensen makes this stance clear throughout: people victimized by the church during times of antiquity were largely just innocent herbalists and hippies, when the accused was even practicing any kind of pagan ritual at all, and not, say, falsely accused of pagan idolatry by their petty next door neighbor.

At the time of its release, it was the most expensive film produced in any Scandinavian country, and it's easy to see where all the money went. Aside from the principals in the narrative, there are hundreds of extras in the cast, the costumes and the settings are ornate and well made, and in their own quaint "yeah, but it's really old; what do you expect" kind of way, the effects are fun and eye catching. It's not as weird as Cabinet Of Dr. Caligari but there's soup made out of people, demonstration of torture devices, and a baby roasted over an open flame, and the last shot is of some people being burned at the stake. So it passes all the necessary Horrorthon tests. It's not riveting -- I stayed attentive mostly because that's what you have to do when you're watching a silent film, but it's not as fun as Nosferatu so I do not award it that coveted extra 1/2 star. I'd say, as Peter Griffin once said, "there: I just saved you two long, boobless hours", but there actually are some boobs in it. So, yay.

Thon's on, sluts