Child's Play

(1988) **3/4

Little Andy really, really wants a Good Guys doll for his birthday. His single mom can't afford the doll, so she buys one from a street person in a back alley. Deep discount. And why? Because the street person found the doll in the burnt out toystore where the Lakeshore Strangler Charles Lee Ray was shot to death. Charles had experimented with voodoo and had been able to transfer his spirit into the doll before the store blew up. Now Charles (aka Chucky) has the perfect cover as he goes about seeking revenge on a former partner and the cop who shot him.

Danged video store! I have a pile of 4 quality horror dvds I'm dying to watch and none of them will work (the DVD player is fine, save your comments). Child's Play was available on demand, and I'd never seen it before, ergo this review. I didn't find the movie especially scary nor especially well acted despite the cast (Brad Dourif is awesome in his short on-screen appearance, the kid is mostly terrible, Chris Sarandon and Catherine Hicks are so-so). The animated Chucky effects were good, but since I didn't care too much about the characters the menace factor was low. If they'd gone with a decent child actor instead of a cute kid who couldn't act, this mighta been a much better movie.

Sleepy Hollow

(1999) ****

Ichabod Crane is a progressive constable in New York city at the turn of the century (19th century that is). To rid him of his liberal ways, the magistrates of NYC send him north to Sleepy Hollow to investigate an odd series of 3 recent beheadings. Upon arriving, Crane learns of the fantasy of the Headless Horseman who kills his victims and takes their heads. The body count rises quickly upon Crane's arrival, which all include the same type of murder - decapitation, with the head never to be found. Meanwhile, a romantic subplot forms between Crane and the wealthy daughter of the town's leader, played by Christina Ricci.

There are a lot of fun moments to savor in Sleepy Hollow. Christopher Walken as the Headless Horseman is fantastic. He even looks like he's having fun...

There's a real whodunit mystery in the film too that is entertaining to watch unfold. The only annoying parts come from the romantic subplot. One has to overlook lines like "Perhaps there is some witchcraft in you after all Katrina." "Why do you say that?" "Because you have bewitched me." Bleah. I expect that kind of dross from an episode of Dawson's Creek, but not this.

Still the imagery is fantastic - think Nightmare Before Xmas, but in real life. And the finale evokes classic horror films - burning windmill and all. To qualify this review I'll say - Tim Burton films are kind of hit or miss for me. I hated Nightmare before Xmas, Mars Attacks, and Willy Wonka, but was very impressed by Edward Scissorhands, Batman, and even Planet of the Apes. This one, while perhaps a bit too commercial by some standards is one of his best.

I've got a headache THIS BIG and it's screaming for excedrin.

JSP & 50P put aside their differences to collaborate on Horrorthon CD

(See comments for details.)

Horrorthon Challenge! (Sorry JPX)

Since my output has sucked this October, I am offering to do what I swore I never would again. I will watch and review The Exorcist, on one condition.
I am challenging all the Horrorthoners to revisit their own personal movie-demons. How about everyone watch and review either: the movie that traumatized you as a child; the most frightening movie you have EVER seen? Of course Whirly, this means you have to join me in revisiting The Exorcist...
Anybody in?

Freaks

(1932)***

Banned for many years and nearly costing him his career, Tod Browning’s (Dracula, bitches!), controversial tale takes place in a traveling circus that boasts a bevy of sideshow performing “freaks” (i.e., real people with tragic medical deformities). Trapeze artist, Cleopatra, and her lunkhead strongman boyfriend, Hercules, conspire to murder wealthy little person, Hans in order to take his fortune. The plan involves having Cleopatra seduce and marry Hans, who has always had a crush on her, and then kill him.



The plan almost works. After marrying Hans, she begins to slowly poison him. However her inability to use discretion foils the scheme when one of the other sideshow performers overhears her discussing dastardly things with Hercules. This doesn’t sit right with the sideshow performers and together they band together to enact some Freak revenge.



Oh what could’ve been! Freaks is terrific until the neutered climax. Apparently Browning’s original cut of the film, which involved among other things Hercules’ castration and the violent mutilation of Cleopatra was too much for 1930s audiences (pussies). As a result, Browning was forced to cut 30 minutes of footage that has never been seen again, which can’t help but impact on your ability to enjoy the only existing version of the film. Still, the “Freaks”, albeit exploited, are fascinating to watch and Browning appears to go out of his way to showcase their ability to function despite serious physical limitations.

The Mutilator

(1985)*

While cleaning his father’s hunting rifle little Ed pulls the trigger and accidentally kills his mother who happens to be in the kitchen making a birthday cake for little Ed’s father, big Ed. When big Ed comes home and finds his dead wife he goes a little crazy, first beating little Ed and then attempting to give his deceased wife whisky (?).

Several years later little Ed is hanging out with his girlfriend and buddies in a pool hall lamenting the fact that they do not have any plans for their fall break (I couldn’t tell if they were supposed to be in high school or college). After a phone rings the bartender informs Ed that the call is for him. How odd. He soon learns that it’s his crazy father, who informs him that he went on another bender and made a mess of their beach house. Although initially annoyed that his father wants him to clean the mess up, he quickly concludes that this might be a way to spend fall break with his friends. Bad idea.

Maybe coming to this beach house was a bad idea

Upon arriving, the kids do what kids do when they have a place all to themselves; drink, have sex, play hide and go seek (I shit you not), and boobs. However, what they don’t know is that big Ed is hiding in the house and has his own plans.

I'm going to kill you all for no apparent reason

Yawn. This movie was just so stupid I don’t feel there is any need for analysis. This is as paint-by-numbers as you can get and you will easily identify who will live and who will die. The Mutilator is an utterly pointless movie devoid of scares and any semblance of fun. I need to stop choosing movies because I like the retro feel of the posters.

Cellar Dweller

(1988) Zero stars

The story begins in the 1930s where we are introduced to the famed comic book artist of Cellar Dweller, Colin Childress, who we find hard at work on one of his horror stories. We quickly learn that he steals his ideas from some old book entitled, “Curses of the Ancient Dead”. For reasons that are never explained, his creature creation comes to life and kills him. Fast forward to the 1980s where Childress’ home has been turned into a snooty New York artist haven called The Throckmorton Institute For The Arts. Moments after new student, and comic book artist, Whitney arrives, the headmistress informs her, “We have no telephones, no ties with the outside world." Boy, I hope nobody gets in a jam. She is also told to avoid going down in the basement, where Colin Childress met his fate. Whitney disobeys this rule immediately, of course, and is delighted to find that apparently nobody ever cleaned up the joint since the 1930s. Begging the headmistress to use the basement as her apartment she is eventually given permission. Whitney begins to take ideas from Colin’s old book and before you know it, bam, the cellar dweller is reborn and he’s pissed.


Come on, I'm scary!

Cellar Dweller is supposed to be homage to those old comic books we grew up with as kids such as Tales From The Crypt and Vault Of Horror. I love those old comic books and have a few bound volumes that I like to pull out on a crisp fall evening as the sun is dipping. Cellar Dweller wishes it could be one of those old horror comic stories. What the writers of the script forgot is that the stories in those old horror comic books were only 2-3 pages long. I knew I should have aborted when the “cellar dweller” made its first appearance 3 minutes into the film. I mean, if this was going to be the story’s source of terror they needed to try harder. How can you be scared of this “monster”? He looks like a WWF wrestler after a hard night of steroids, drinkin’ and broads. Unspeakably awful Cellar Dweller plays like a bad episode of Tales From the Darkside without the meager budget. The only bright spot was seeing a young Jeffrey Combs in the prologue essentially playing Herbert West. This film is part of my poster series of reviews (i.e., movie posters I recall seeing as a kid and always wondered about).

Why am I wearing a lab coat when I'm a dang comic book artist?

Cheerleader Camp

(1987)*1/2

Numerous high school cheerleaders gather at Camp Hurrah where they are competing for the all-state finals. While the teens squabble, cheer, show lots of boobs, and rap (uh huh, there's some rapping), it’s not too long before they start dying. There’s a killer on the loose and in the grand tradition of all 1980s slasher films he/she must be stopped before everyone perishes. That’s it.

I'm the grizzled old man character that is in every 1980s horror film. My job is to cryptically warn everyone about danger.

Wow, this is the second time I came across Leif Garrett in some bad (really bad) horror. Cheerleader Camp is yet another film that I only knew from the distinctive poster. The low budget is obvious from the opening scene when the cheerleaders begin arriving. Although this is purported to be a huge competition there is only one person running the entire thing, one person! Also, there are only like two or three cheerleader squads at the competition and the little we see of their routines are pathetic – no Bring it On here! Perhaps who-dun-its have become more sophisticated, or perhaps I’ve just gotten smarter over the years (definitely the former), but I’m finding it very easy to pick out the killer in these old 80s flicks. Normally I’m terrible at this stuff but I identified the killer almost before the opening credits stopped rolling. This is an awful film with a marginally cool poster.

Humongous

(1982)**

Eric and Nick borrow their father’s yacht and along with their annoying little sister take their girlfriends for a weekend trip. As night descends and thick fog settles in, the insufferable brats hear a male’s voice pleading for help. After a little searching they stumble upon a shipwrecked fisherman whom they take aboard and nurse back to health. While recovering the fisherman spins a tale about a nearby island where an old recluse lives alone caring for her killer dogs. Of course it’s not too long before the brothers start vying for the alpha male position and before you have time for a pee break they crash the yacht, yep, you guessed it, on the crazy lady’s island. It’s not too long before the jerks begin dying by an unseen menace. Will the mystery of the island be resolved before it’s too late? Yep.

Vinnie Vincent does not recommend Humongous

Slightly better than it has any right to be, Humongous becomes entertaining about halfway through the film when the remaining brats figure out what’s really going on with the crazy old lady and her killer dogs. I liked the weird Casio keyboard music and there are a few gory moments. My chief complaint about the film is that it is shot so darkly that it’s difficult to ascertain what the hell is going on a lot of the time. This is another film in my new category entitled, “posters I remember seeing in movie theater lobbies in the 1980s”

Happy Birthday to Me

(1981)**1/2

Virginia is a student at Crawford Academy, a prestigious college in upstate New York. She is part of a group called “The Top Ten”, apparently the ten richest (snobbiest) elite at the college. Essentially The Top Ten = “We’re better than you”. Life is grand for Virginia until her friends start dying in horrible, violent ways (take that, snobs!). Over time Virginia begins to believe that these deaths are somehow connected to her murky past, a past she cannot recall due to a traumatic brain injury she suffered in a car accident. With the work of a shrink she begins to recall repressed traumatic memories. How are the current deaths of her friends related to different pieces of Virginia’s past; a car accident, a birthday party, mom’s mental illness, secret research…


I couldn’t quite give this 3 stars although it is certainly better than a lot of the 80s slashers. The budget looks slightly bigger and there appears to be some attempt at cinematography. Although this is a who-dun-it that will keep you guessing, there were too many red herrings and plots twists. By the time all is explained I said, “Huh?” loudly and had to rewind to try to understand what the hell was going on - truth be known I’m still a bit confused. The big reveal is a bit of a cheat along the lines of the Mission Impossible film series. Despite my utter confusion over the final act, there is enough gore to keep this horror hound happy.

Night of the Hunter

(1955) ****

Another noir here, though this is a strange one, with equal parts melodrama and expressionism. It's the only movie ever directed by Charles Laughton

Robert Mitchum plays Harry Powell, an evil travelling preacher with LOVE and HATE tatooed on the fingers of each of his hands. He travels around finding widows to marry, rob, and then murder. After being thrown in jail for a different minor crime, he meets a guy on death row who talks in his sleep about the $10k he stole and hid. So when Powell gets out, he goes to the town, marries Shelley Winters the widow, and starts terrorizing her two young kids who know where the money is. The kids take off in an old skiff boat, and Reverend Harry goes after them on horseback. He eventually finds them taken in by Lilian Gish, playing the "good" Christian who takes in wayfaring children and defends them from evil.

If that sounds like some kind of morality play, it should, as this is clearly not a realistic slice of Southern life in any way. The characters are all intentionally overblown "types" that give this a fun weirdness that you'd more expect in a Coen Brothers or David Lynch flick. The elderly cafe owner lady (Shelley Winters' boss) is my favorite of these strange side characters--she goes from cliche spouting Southern busybody to torch wielding lynchmob instigator over the course of the film.

Mitchum's creepy Harry Powell is the center of the story--it's amazing to think how this nasty scripture-quoting preacher would have gone over in mid-50s America. No wonder this was a dud at the box office. Winters is also awesome as the nervous, sexually frustrated widow who buys his snake oil and ends up taking the stage at revivalist tent meetings.