Monday, December 03, 2012

A Very Crystal Mathy Wrap-Up

I'd better get this out before civilization collapses and we have to power our electronic devices via bicycle.

This year I set two goals for myself: beat JSP (last year we tied at 23 movies reviewed), and watch fifty movies. I'm pleased to say that I achieved both, watching 55 movies and reviewing 51 of them. Having said that, if Horrorthon has taught me anything, it is that watching scary movies is therapeutic. October has signified change for me in the last two years. Last year I was dealing with a crazy housemate and ended up moving out, and this year I quit my job teaching in the "blackboard jungle" of downtown Oakland and am reassessing the role I want to play as an educator.

Anyway, 51 movies seemed like the right number to review this year. It's exactly one movie more than my personal goal, and it's divisible by three. I didn't exactly follow a formula or theme other than I didn't want to watch a bunch of crap, but when it came to crunch time anything was game and that's how I ended up with Pighunt or Hunger.

So after much deliberation, here are my 2012 Horrorthon picks:

Best Overall Film: Targets
I could recommend this movie to anyone and I truly believe that its quality and affect on the soul surpasses anything that could be made (or remade) today.

Biggest Bloodbath: Splinter
The characters were stereotypical and potentially annoying, but the nature of the nastiness of this movie made me forget about it all.

So Bad It’s Good: Slugs
We've underestimated these garden pests for the last time.

Most Disturbing: Audition
There were so many surprising elements of this film, and after watching it I had more questions than before.

Most Obscure: Lady Frankenstein
I'm always on the look for campy titles and now I'm inspired to seek out Lady Dracula and other B-movie monster spinoffs.

Unintentionally Funny: ants!

Worst Film: The Wicker Tree (and how!)
There were so many screwy things that made this movie unwatchable.

Scariest Film: Poughkeepsie Tapes
Sandwiched between the "interviews" of FBI agents are some of the most spine-tingling images of this documentary-style horror film.

Scream Queen: Patricia Owens/Helene from The Fly (1958)

Hottest Hottie: Adrien Brody in Splice
He adds a sexy complexity to any character he portrays. I never knew geneticists could have such awesome taste in music and dress with such swag as he.


DCD said...

Awesome wrap-up, Crystal! Loved reading all you're reviews this year, it's nice having another female perspective round here!

Landshark said...

You and JSP were fantastic this thon. Loved the output and all the team reviews. I'll have to go back and reread your Targets review now though--sounds like worth finding a copy.

AC said...

great job, crystal!

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Awesome wrap-up Crystal!

I'm both happy and surprised that you named Targets as your favorite! What a great f'in movie. Bogdonavich had so little to work with and yet he created a one-of-a-kind, scary movie featuring Boris Karloff. I wanted to watch it again with commentary but the time limitations of Horrorthon made it virtually impossible.

Splinter is near the top of my list for next year. The pictures and analyses from all he 'Thonners who reviewed it sold me.

Your obsession with Adrian Brody disturbs me slightly but I will concede that he is a great actor. I always feel assured of a certain amount of quality when I'm watching his films.

Catfreeek said...

Way to go Crystal! I am so proud of you for completing your wrap up, coming in second and thoroughly kicking JSP's ass!

JPX said...

First of all, Adrian Brody might be the homeliest man in Hollywood. The picture you use rests my case. Leading man material? Heck no. I wasn’t a fan of Splice mainly because I hated the “creature”. Second of all, congratulations for trouncing JSP in this year’s contest! He should be ashamed of himself. Nice work this year. You seemed to really enjoy yourself, which is what it’s all about!

Octopunk said...

Excellent all around! And good trouncing.

I may have to jump on the Adrian Brody bandwagon myself, because he's all shirtless and super buff in Predators. And because it'll annoy JPX.

Crystal Math said...

Thanks, DCD! I loved reading everyone's reviews, too, and I also agree that adding female perspective is important; not necessarily to the blog, but to the genre of horror. :-)

Landshark -- team reviews are fun, especially when you're pressed for time ;-) Targets is definitely one worth visiting (and revisiting). I don't know why I haven't bought a copy yet.

JSP if anything I watched a majority of movies that made me squirm: ants, slugs, splinter... the subgenre of humans vs. nature is definitely worth exploring.

Catfreeek I plan on beating JSP's thon score for years to come, bwahahahaha!

Crystal Math said...

Thanks for the support, Octo. I told JSP that Brody is Polish as well and should be supported just out of solidarity. He's practically family, right?

I could write an essay about Brody's work, but all I'm going to say here that he takes risks, is a method actor, and had the balls to kiss Halle Berry in front of millions at the Oscars when he won for The Pianist.