Saturday, July 21, 2012

A Series of Emails from Prometheus' New Tech Guy

[From Cracked.com]

Re: Hi Mom!

Hi Mom,

We finally found out the mission today. Apparently we're looking for the origins of life, out here in space. It's weird that no on told us what our objective was until we got out here. Like, they have some punk-rock geologist with a Mohawk and a bunch of tattoos who says he's "not here to make friends" and he's "only doing this for the money." Now, if the Weyland Corporation had just gone on Monster.com or whatever back on Earth and said "We're looking for a qualified geologist interested in learning about the origins of human life," they'd probably get applicants who were generally excited and knowledgeable, instead of just a-holes (sorry!) who are only in it for the money.

Like, if I was making a baseball team, I wouldn't say "Hey everyone, follow me RIGHT NOW, I'm not telling you what we're doing until we get there," and hope for the best. I'd say "Hey, friends, which of you are interested in baseball? Come with me!" And then I'd ONLY get baseball fans, you know? Now they're paying who KNOWS what to some cranky geologist who doesn't even LIKE space or aliens or, (I know it sounds crazy), science. I mean there's only like seventeen people on the whole crew and one of them hates everyone. Just seems like there were a lot of holes in the plan, is all.

Love you lots!

Read the rest here.

5 comments:

Octopunk said...

I just didn't want the shooting story to lead the blog all weekend. Fuck that guy.

JPX said...

This is great! Prometheus could have been a masterpiece but it was ruined by unlikable characters who did not behave the way people would behave given the circumstances. I was so disappointed.

Octopunk said...

I posted the bit I posted because I was so disappointed when the script borrowed a line from the most obnoxious pop-culture source, the reality show refrain "I'm not here to make friends." Ugh.

But yeah, this article nicely capsulizes most the many complaints I posted the night I saw it (too lazy to hyperlink).

JPX said...

When that character stated, "I'm not here to make friends" my father audibly groaned and after the film ended he cited that line as one of the many reasons that he felt that the film fell so short.

Catfreeek said...

I love this, so true. When I was watching the film I kept thinking about the rigorous physical and psychological training that our astronauts have to go through. I think 90% of that crew would have failed.