Monday, September 10, 2012

Boating sucks

From wickedimproper, Boston, MA – I almost feel sorry for everyone on this boat, that is, with the exception of “the Captain”, who despite various warning signs (i.e. high speeds and extremely choppy waters, coupled with what I would consider to be a very gay hold on the throttle) couldn’t simply slow it the fuck down. If you watch the video closely, you can see him throttling up and down erratically, which goes against everything this blogging seaman was ever taught. “Martin, you have a nautical background?” Not really. I mean, I like clam chowder, but I just wanted you to say the word “seaman” in your head.

p.s. People that mount cameras that face the seats on their boat have got to be filming porn. It must be so hot to get your ganoozle slobbled all over by one or more chicks while you tan your berries and wave to people on shore. Not that I would know, because the only boat I’ve ever had is a Snark, which is like the Mexican equivalent of the Sunfish.


50PageMcGee said...

yeah, that looks painful. but at least everyone stayed in the boat -- could have been a jillion times worse.

Octopunk said...

A couple things to comment on here:

First of all, I have to admit I've watched this video way more times than necessary, thanks to the foreground presence of the two bikini girls. I'm not one of those people turned on by car crashes or anything; this scene is awful and violent starting with the lurch that robs the girl in pink of her shades, but before that there's something undeniably sexy about seeing their almost-naked bodies tensing while trying to hold on.

Second, the guy driving that boat is clearly a fucking idiot, and I applaud physics for the delivery of the wicked face plant that catapults his shades back in the other direction. Insert here every boilerplate sailboats good/powerboats bad insult you can think of.

Third, the footage was "filmed by our own Lake TV crew?" How is that possible? Does Lake TV install boatcams on every boat in the hopes that this will happen, or is that gang of idiots actually the crew? I watched the full report for a clue and got nothing.

Lastly, if you really want to watch a festival of basic-cable horror, check out the first three minutes of the full report. In her nasally monotone, the Lake TV girl delivers news of the boat accident, a brush fire, a fatal truck crash and the deaths of two children, the last one at the hands of his parents.