Thursday, September 13, 2012

Wrath of the Titans

2012 **

I know this didn't come out this summer but I just Netflixed it a few weeks ago. As with the Clash of the Titans remake, what seems like a can't-lose setup (guy fights monsters!) quickly proves itself about as fun as playing with a wet, gray dishrag. And I don't choose that simile lightly; one of the constant fails of this movie is the bleached-out aspect of the visuals. I suppose it's meant to be gritty or something. The disappointment is thorough enough that I noticed it as it happened. "Gosh, there's Pegasus flying over a rocky landscape with some old Grecian buildings and it's all silhouetted agains the distant sun and YAWN how did they fuck this up so bad?"

Also, I am convinced that Sam Worthington is just NOT the guy; he will never truly occupy the A-list action niche which the key players in The Expendables created. I doubt we'll see much of him after the Avatar franchise has run its course (and we won't be actually seeing him in that anyway, ha ha).

The story should have stuck closer to the movie posters, more monster fight-y and less quest-y. And there's a lot of stuff in the movie that the trailers wisely ignored: the Russell Brand-like actor playing the "comic relief who redeems himself" son of Poseidon or the crappy CG cyclopses clumsily ruining an already tepid sweeping aerial shot of our heroes plodding through a forest. There are some decent monster scenes at the beginning and the end, so you may want to tune in for that. If you do, brace yourself for one of the most awkward, by-the-numbers ending kisses in the history of cinema.

7 comments:

Catfreeek said...

You and I share a love for monster flicks so your poor review comes as a real disappointment to me. Mostly because it arrived at my house just yesterday.

Octopunk said...

Ooh, snap! Sorry about that. I was pretty psyched when it arrived, too. Maybe you'll have a better time knowing what to expect.

Wait until you see that kiss, though! It's a standard "stop flappin' those lips, you dizzy dame so I's can kiss 'em!" moment that just clunks.

DCD said...

Oh yikes. I didn't see the reboot of the Clash of the Titans - was that any better?

Octopunk said...

Nope. It pretty much suffered from the same dullness, with the added foolishness of a whole "man good, gods bad" theme.

The Greek myths do not clutter stories up with pointless inner or thematic conflict, that's why they're myths. The original Clash was good that way; sure the gods squabble with each other, but getting their favor or disfavor or aid is a big deal in exactly the way it is on paper. The remake has all this "Pff! I don't want help from the gods!" nonsense.

Catfreeek said...

I'll take the old cheesy Clash of the Titans, Beastmaster & Krull type flicks any day over these overblown remakes.

Octopunk said...

Totally! Although Krull is kind of hard to get behind.

I often say how I try not to toe the party line of "all these remakes these days are bad," but these Titans flicks are excellent proof of just that.

JPX said...

I caught the Clash of the Titans remake at the Drive-in a few years back and I remember that I was bored throughout. It was not for a lack of action that I was bored; I just didn’t “feel” it. I was overwhelmed by the CGI to the point where I felt like I was watching a cartoon. I’m not surprised that the sequel fails to deliver. What was the last good “monster” movie?