Favor

(2013) ***

“A friend helps you move; a good friend helps you move a body.”

Kip Desmond has a casual fling that ends with a dead body on his motel room floor. Kip informs his best friend, Marvin, of this unfortunate turn of events and Marvin assures him that he will take care of it. After getting rid of the body Marvin starts to ask for favors, such as giving him $5000. Soon Marvin’s demands for his “silence” become overwhelming for Kip.

This is a terrific little indie movie about the perils of keeping dangerous secrets and the price of friendship. The two leads are excellent and the slow-build tension pays off as Marvin’s favors/demands intensify. To say any more would be criminal, check it out!

I love my friends but I’m not hiding a dead body for them, do you want to fight about it?

The Shallows

(2016)*** 1/2

Nancy, a med student (convenient), takes some time after the death of her mother to find the remote (but not so remote that there isn't perfect cell phone coverage) Mexican beach where her mother used to go.  She surfs, has fun, but is bitten by a shark and subsequently stranded on a rock that will soon be swallowed up by the tide, while the shark continues to circle her.

Given that JPX just eloquently listed the shark movie cliches, I'm happy to point out that this movie is devoid of all of them:
Town authority figure?  nope
Vacation weekend? nope
Chief Brody?  nope
Finding an arm? nope
Never really showing the shark? nope - that thing appears before the credits even roll

So, the movie deserves some credit for that.  The Shallows takes the shark genre and turns it more into a survivor in peril kind of dilemma.  Like that move where they're stuck on the ski lift for days.

Blake Lively is very good.  Contrary to what I expected, the movie doesn't just exploit her in a bikini for 80 minutes.  The scenery is beautiful, and the CGI shark is scary.

Unfortunately, the tension never ratchets up too high.  The character is smart, progresses, and I never got the feeling that she was in danger or suffering that much.  There are also a lot of random things that really require the suspension of disbelief, and (I won't spoil it) the ending is so weak that it ranks up there with Jaws 4 in terms of, "Really, that's how they're gonna do it?!?"

Sorry, that last part probably only makes sense if you remember Jaws 4, which hopefully, none of you do.

Bigfoot

(2012) *1/4

Syfy somehow convinced Barry Williams and Danny Bonaduce (along with Bruce Davison, Alice Cooper, Sherilyn Fenn, and Howard Hesseman) to star in this lazy, derivative take on Bigfoot.  Former bandmates-turned-enemies, Danny wants to hold an 80s flashback concert while Barry wants to save the environment. Virtually unwatchable, the extra quarter star is because we get to see a lot of Bigfoot and there is a pretty high body count (though very little gore).  However, Bigfoot looks and acts like King Kong and the special effects are inexcusably bad.    Think Sharknado with less humor, a less  believable plot, and a jaw-droppingly stupid ending. Even Alice Cooper can't save this one.

Shark Lake

(2015) *

Clint Gray (Dolph “I must break you” Lundgren) is a black-market species dealer who releases a (pregnant) shark into Lake Tahoe while evading police (?) After arrest he loses his daughter and is put in jail for years. Finally paroled he attempts to live a normal life. This proves difficult when people start dying horribly in the lake by a family of sharks. Thanks, Clint.

‘Shark Lake’ attempts some overtures of characterization with the heart-of-gold, ‘flawed’ Clint and his ex-wife cop who does not want him spending time with their daughter. But let’s face it, no one cares about that. You want to know about the sharks, right? Before I get to that let’s make things clear; Shark Lake is every shark movie you’ve ever seen (Why is it that no one can improve upon JAWS, which came out 40 years ago?). Let’s run down the list:

A town authority figure who believes that there is no shark problem? Check

A big vacation weekend coming up where there will be lots of tourism? Check

A Chief Brody character? Check

Finding an arm: (check)*

Never really showing the shark until the climactic battle: Check

The sharks? Director Jerry Dugan wisely keeps the sharks hidden for most of the film save a cartoon fin appearing once in a while. When we finally get to see the sharks they look like soft rubber. This is a low, low budget film. Lundgren would have been better off making a cameo in one of the Sharknado sequels. Skip it!



*I’m not really sure that happened in JAWS

Baskin

(2015)****

Creepy as hell!

A group of police officers while responding to a call for backup stumble through a netherworld and wind up at the gates of hell. Not for the squeamish, this Turkish delight borders somewhere between Hellraiser and Hostile with a little Jacob's Ladder thrown in for good measure. As the story enfolds you find yourself drawn deeper into this complex world. There are hints throughout leading to the inevitable fate of these men and the deplorable payoff does not disappoint in the least. Mehmet Cerrahoglu is the creepiest dude I've seen on film since being frightened by Michael Berryman in the The Hills Have Eyes back when I saw it in 1977. This beauty is streaming on Netflix and I tell you it is a must see!

The Inivitation

(2015) ****

Will and Kira are headed to a gathering at Will’s former home high in the Hollywood Hills. His ex-wife, Eden, who has not been seen in two years, along with her new husband, David, is hosting a get-together, reuniting old friends. Following a disturbing incident with a coyote, the two eventually arrive and are warmly greeted by their friends. Toasting “new beginnings”, David breaks out the expensive wine and everyone gets cozy except for Will who is inexplicably uneasy. Joining the festivities are two new people, Sadie and an older balding man. Eden explains that they met the two while visiting a community in Mexico where they learned how to deal with trauma.

While everyone imbibes, David breaks out his laptop and shows a recruitment video. The partiers are informed that the “Invitation” is the name of a lifestyle fad, a self-help group (with cult-like overtones) and vague messages of personal improvement. The video ends on a disturbing note. When Will makes the observation that Eden and David and their “new” friends are weird another partier remarks, “Yeah, they’re a little weird. But this is L.A. They’re harmless.” Will becomes increasingly paranoid and is convinced that something more sinister is afoot.

“The Invitation” strikes the right tone showcasing the awkwardness of forced conversation with friends you have not seen in many years and seeing your ex with a new partner. Yet beyond these contrivances are menacing overtones. Through flashbacks we learn about Will’s relationship to Eden and why things ended. The film constantly questions whether Will is just being jealous/paranoid or is something bad happening in the house? This is a slow-burn with a very satisfying ending. I did not know a single thing going into the film and I would recommend the same approach. Catch it on Netflix!

Jessabelle

(2014)***1/2

After surviving a terrible accident Jessabelle must return to her dad's home in Louisiana to complete her recovery. While poking around the house she happens on some old video tapes of her long dead mother. The tapes reveal some startling predictions regarding her current life. As she and her old high school friend Preston try to unravel the mystery they find far more than they bargained for by way of an angry spirit.

I went into this expecting a serving of modern day cheese but instead found myself pleasantly surprised. The actors pulled off that laid back Louisiana vibe very well. The setting was isolated and creepy but their local ease kept reminding me that this was just the normal environment to them. I mean venturing out into an isolated swamp at night would not ever be something on my agenda but as they set off you can see that little spark of adventure in their eyes, like they are reliving a hundred quests they had when they were kids. Fairly predictable as horror goes but nicely done nonetheless.

Ava's Possessions

(2015) ***1/2

A young woman living in New York City is battling her literal inner demons. Ava's life is interrupted for an entire month once possessed of the demon Nephula -- there are murders, sexual encounters, and physical altercations in which she was involved but has no memory.

Following an intense exorcism, Ava attempts to patch up her professional and private life while piecing together all that occurred under Nephula's control. Her family are by her side to help her clean her apartment but remain emotionally distant, which seems simultaneously reasonable and toxic considering Ava's delicate mental state. In order to avoid jail time, Ava agrees to enroll in a rehab program for the recently exorcised -- Spiritual Possession Anonymous or SPA.

Attempts to have a girl's night prove futile as her friends do not believe that she had no control of her actions, implicitly holding her accountable for what she said and did. Her boyfriend won't return her calls, and upon returning to work at a record company she finds one artist she signed exploiting her plight for a new hit single (which isn't half-bad, by the way). With each new low Ava encounters making amends with those she wronged, the closer she gets to SPA's rebellious formerly possessed Hazel, who believes that she and her demon had a special connection and wants to invite him back into her body.

Ava's Possessions places the exorcism storyline in a new frame as one of many social condition to be rehabilitated, including mental illness, addiction, and substance abuse. Participants in SPA all share the feelings of isolation and guilt from friends and family members about actions for which they were not responsible. On the other hand, Hazel's explanation of why she wants to reconnect with her demon include comparisons to heroin and sex addiction. In my opinion, the most shocking and honest quote about this "condition" comes from Hazel, expressing sorrow after her exorcism from her demon: Nothing makes you more complete than the union with your shadow.

Monster Dog

(1984) ***

I can assure you that your interest in this movie will depend entirely upon how much of an Alice Cooper fan you are. Cooper plays a popular rock star who returns to his childhood home to film a video for his latest single "Identity Crisises". The band learns that the small town is being terrorized by a pack of vicious dogs and rumors of werewolves circulate.

Like countless bad 80's horror movies, the stereotypical Crazy Old Man shows up and informs them that they are all going to die. Curiously this Crazy Old Man didn't get the memo that he is supposed to get killed or disappear immediately after his dire warning. Instead he shows up in scene after scene scaring the women and blathering incoherently. He even somehow shoehorns himself into the grand finale. Not only must Alice worry about the threat of being mauled by dogs, but he also finds himself the target of an angry mob that believes him to be a werewolf, or in this case a monster dog.

 It's all silly fun but I enjoyed it because, well, Alice Cooper. I found their "hit" song to be quite enjoyable but also starkly different from the hard rock that he is known for. Identity Crisises reminds me of 80's Iggy Pop and another song recalled 80's goth a la Bauhaus. I was pleased that they included Identity Crisis a second time (in full) to pad out the unremarkable ending.

Amigo Undead

(2015)***

Seeing as the first two reviews to hit the blog this year are both comedy/horror I'd say maybe I'm not the only one looking to jump in on the lighter side of the genre. Two brothers and their friends embark on a camping expedition into the desert to explore the land that one of them has recently acquired. On the first day their friend Jovan chokes to death on a hotdog. The gang makes an irrational decision to bury him in the desert so it wont screw up their vacation. That night Jovan returns from the dead a changed man with revenge on his mind. The guys flee but nothing seems to stop their undead buddy from his pursuit.

The film could have been more appropriately titled, 1000 ways to kill Jovan. I have 3 questions that I ask myself before reviewing a comedy/horror film:

1. Did it make me laugh? Check
2. Does it definitely include enough horror to be considered more than comedy? Check
3. Is it entertaining enough to hold my attention throughout. Check

Amigo Undead met all three requirements. It was also nice to see Jeff Bryan Davis of Whose Line is it Anyway? fame on a different level, he makes an appearance as the sheriff who has an unfortunate encounter with Jovan. Fun and mildly gory definitely bitty friendly.

Strange Wilderness

(2008) *1/2

Q:  What do Ernest Borgnine, Robert Patrick, and Jonah Hill have in common?
A:  They acted in this regrettable, forgettable comedy.

Q: What's the plot?
A:  Steve Zahn tries to keep his lame nature show on the air, and goes on a quest for higher ratings by bringing a crew to track down Bigfoot.

Q: What the hell were you thinking?
A: I assumed from the plot synopsis that there would be way more Bigfoot action (spoiler alert: almost none), or at least some laughs (spoiler alert: almost none).

Q: Didn't the Rotten Tomatoes score of 2% scare you off?
A: Sadly, no.

Q: Have you learned your lesson?
A: Probably not.