Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Even the Jar Jar action figure annoys me


(via yakface)

6 comments:

Octopunk said...

Sheesh, what's going on with those gloves? I thought he was throwing Force lightning for a second there.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

I want to smash it with a rock.

JPX I'm curious, how many Jar Jar figures do you own?

Jordan said...

I keep thinking about those three or four pages of dialogue that Jar Jar, Qui Gon and Obi Wan meet (What a bunch of silly names!) and how terribly conceived and written it is. "Are you brain dead?" "I speak!" etc. etc.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

JAR JAR looks up and sees QUI-GON and the other creatures
running like the wind toward him. One of the huge MTT's bears
down on the JEDI like a charging locomotive. JAR JAR stands
transfixed, still holding the clam shell in one hand.

JAR JAR
Oh, noooooooooo!

JAR JAR drops the shell and grabs onto QUI-GON as he passes.
The JEDI is caught by surprise.

JAR JAR
Hey, help me! Help me!!

QUI-GON
Let go!

The machine is about tp crush them as QUI-GON drags JAR JAR
behind him. Just as the transport is about to hit them, QUI-
GON drops, and JAR JAR goes splat into the mud with him. The
transport races overhead.

QUI-GON and JAR JAR pull themselves out of the mud. They
stand watching the war machine dissapear into the mist. JAR
JAR grabs QUI-GON and hugs him.

JAR JAR
Oyi, mooie-mooie! I luv yous!

The frog-like creature kisses the JEDI.

QUI-GON
Are you brainless? You almost got us
killed!

JAR JAR
I spake.

QUI-GON
The ability to speak does not make
you intelligent. Now get outta here!

QUI-GON starts to move off, and JAR JAR follows.

JAR JAR
No...no! Mesa stay...Mesa yous humble
servaunt.

QUI-GON
That wont be necessary.

JAR JAR
Oh boot tis! Tis demunded byda guds.
Tis a live debett, tis. Mesa culled
Jaja Binkss.

In the distance, two STAPS burst out of the mist at high
speed, chasing OBI-WAN.

QUI-GON
I have no time for this now...

JAR JAR
Say what?

The two STAPS barrell down on OBI-WAN.

JAR JAR
Oh, nooooo! Weesa ganna....

QUI-GON throws JAR JAR into the mud.

QUI-GON
Stay down!

His head pops up.

JAR JAR
...dieeee!

The two troops fire laser bolts at OBI-WAN. QUI-GON deflects
the bolts back, and the STAPS blow up. One-two. OBI-WAN is
exhausted and tries to catch his breath.

OBI-WAN
Sorry, Master, the water fried my
weapon.

OBI-WAN pulls out his burnt laser sword handle. QUI-GON
inspects it, as JAR JAR pulls himself out of the mud.

QUI-GON
You forgot to turn your power off
again, didn't you?

OBI-WAN nods sheeplishly.

QUI-GON
It won't take long to recharge, but
this is a lesson I hope you've
learned, my young Padawan.

OBI-WAN
Yes, Master.

JAR JAR
Yousa sav-ed my again, hey?

OBI-WAN
What's this?

QUI-GON
A local. Let's go, before more of
those droids show up.

JAR JAR
Mure? Mure did you spake??!?

OBI-WAN and QUI-GON start to run. JAR JAR tries to keep up.

JAR JAR
Ex-squeeze me, but da moto grande
safe place would be Otoh Gunga. Tis
where I grew up...Tis safe city.

They all stop.

QUI-GON
A city!
(JAR JAR nods his
head)
Can you take us there?

JAR JAR
Ahhh, will...on second taut...no,
not willy.

QUI-GON
No??!

JAR JAR
Iss embarrissing, boot... My afrai
my've bean banished. My forgoten der
Bosses would do terrible tings to
my. Terrible tings if my goen back
dare.

A PULSATING SOUND is heard in the distance.

QUI-GON
You hear that?

JAR JAR shakes his head yes.

QUI-GON
That's the sound of a thousand
terrible things heading this way...

OBI-WAN
When they find us, they will crush
us, grind us into little pieces,
then blast us into oblivion!

JAR JAR
Oh! Yousa point is well seen. Dis
way! Hurry!

JAR JAR turns and runs into the swamp.

EXT. NABOO SWAMP LAKE - TWILIGHT

Jordan said...

Yeah, exactly! What a terrible conversation!

Johnny Sweatpants said...

God I know.. I hate myself for reading it (twice).