there's a caterpillar native to southern belgium that scares birds away by humming justin bieber tunes!a man from elkhorn, nevada has such horrible breath that he can shatter a glass just by exhaling!the world's tallest port-a-potty has its own dedicated truck and maintenance crew!
Dick TracyPanel 1:Earl: "Ouch! Damnit, woman, stop chuckin' things at me! I'm going to smack ya if you keep it up!"Dick Tracy: "Calm down, Earl, she's going through a tough time, her husband was just murdered"Panel 2:Dick Tracy: "Lucinda, I know you're fragile right now but you shouldn't be taking it out on old Earl"Panel 3:Lucinda: "It just makes me feel better when I throw things!"Thug: "Dames"
MommaPanel 1:Man: "Momma, I've given it a lot of thought and I've come to a big decision"Momma: "Um..."Panel 2:Man: "I thought a lot about what you said and I agree, I'm too old to be living at home with my mother. I'm ready to find my own place"Momma: "But..."Panel 3:Man: "Don't say anything, Momma, I'm going to do it! It's time I become a man!"Momma: "Listen..."Panel 4:Momma: "Who are you and how did you get into my house?"
B.C. Panel 1:“Um… hey guys, might I ask why you are standing in my mother’s freshly dug up grave?”“We.. we were told we'd find a buried treasure.” Panel 2: “That doesn’t explain why you’re both naked.” Panel 3:“Your definition of ‘treasure’ is likely different from ours.”
Left panel“The rare Fartichordata worm from southern Missouri has the unique ability to scare its ornithological enemies away by means of musical farts.” Right panel“Horrorthon icon and man-about-town Johnny Sweatpants has been known to get so panic stricken when he runs out of alcohol that he eats his wine glass to ensure that no drop goes to waste.” Bottom panel“In 1954 a law was passed in Alabama making it illegal to anally rape trucks with giant pillars. It is still recognized today as the smartest piece of legislature to come from the state.”
MommaPanel 1Francis: I've finally come to terms with it Momma.Momma: What's that Francis?Panel 2Francis: The reason my relationships never work is because no woman can measure up to you.Momma: How sweet, go on please.Panel 3Francis: So her's the deal, I think we should just put all morality aside and go tear up that bedroom like no tomorrow.Momma: Hmmmm....Panel 4Momma: I thought you'd never ask.
The Left CoastPanel 1"Isn't it amazing Smither's, we were able to replace all the hourly staff with chimps and they work for bananas!"Panel 2"That's fantastic sir but what's to stop them from replacing us too?"Panel 3"Well, I do own the company.""I'll go clean out my desk."
The Left CoastPanel 1“The salesman promised me that eventually these monkeys would type a masterpiece every bit as profound as Shakespeare’s best work!” Panel 2“With all due respect sir, that’s merely a hypothetical theorum that requires an infinite amount of time.” “Panel 3”“Well they sure are adorable, aren’t they?” “I suppose… except when they’re flinging their feces at each other.”
B.C.Panel 1"What's this large hole doing in the middle of the outfie...Oh Good Lord! Are you having sex?""It's not what it looks like. We were digging and the loin cloth slipped and you know yada, yada, yada."Panel 2"Did you just yada, yada butt sex?"Panel 3"Can you leave now your killing my erection"
MommaPanel 1"Great news Momma! I'm no longer constipated!""Now why on earth would you think I'd want to hear that?"Panel 2"I had a great big bowel movement at the YMCA and I didn't flush!""Now that's just gross."Panel 3"And get this - the stool is the spitting image of the Virgin Mary!" "I think you need professional help, son." Panel 4"Ok, let's go have a looksie."
Dick TracyPanel 1"Before you take her home Dick, I should tell you that she's really a man...ouch!""What the heck!"Panel 2"Some detective I am, I didn't even notice your huge adam's apple. Oh stop crying Loretta, I was bound to find out at some point!"Panel 3"Now that I'm outted I'll have to find a new bar to hang out in. Ohh boo hoo hoo!""Don't sweat it sweetie, I like me some franks 'n beans."
The Left CoastPanel 1:"...which brings us to the highlight of the tour, the writer's room! The old adage turns out to be true, 'if you gave a million monkeys typewriters and set them to work...'"Panel 2:"Wow, really? I must know, what are your 'authors' working on. I can't imagine that they create anything worth reading beyond morbid curiosity"Panel 3:"Sigh. They are working on Sarah Palin's latest memoir""Thought so"
B.C.Panel 1:"I've been looking all over for you two. Good lord, what are you doing, why are you digging up the outfield?Panel 2:"We're looking for buried treasure"Panel 3:"Why are you both naked as a jay bird?" Panel 4:"We're looking for buried treasure"
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