ZIPPY
ONE BIG HAPPY
MUTT & JEFF
BLONDIE
ANNIE
ZITS
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
Caption Contest!
It’s Wednesday, which can only mean one thing; it’s time for another caption contest! This week I decided to make it a little more challenging. I’m especially curious to see what you guys will do with the Annie strip. I also added a bonus strip because I had trouble limiting the contest to 5 strips. In accordance with the rules established by JSP, please keep your entries to one joke per strip. Thank you JSP for photo-shopping the strips, which is difficult for me because of my tenuous internet connection. Have fun everyone, I look forward to seeing what you come up with. I will take entries through Saturday and I’ll do my best to choose a winner by the end of the weekend
ZIPPY
ONE BIG HAPPY
MUTT & JEFF
BLONDIE
ANNIE
ZITS
ZIPPY
ONE BIG HAPPY
MUTT & JEFF
BLONDIE
ANNIE
ZITS
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Malevolent
2018 ***1/2 It's 1986 for some reason, and a team of paranormal investigators are making a big name for themselves all over Scotland. ...
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I’m sure none of you except for JPX knows that I’m a bit of a germ-a-phobic. It’s annoying, but manageable. Though, since I met JPX and list...
23 comments:
Mutt & Jeff
Augustus Mutt: “Madame, I would kindly ask you to cover up your person. Your public display of nudity is both shocking and appalling and unbecoming for a lady!”
Lady: “Sir, would you kindly avert your eyes from my bosom?”
Zits
Panel 1
Hector: “Dude, I just love weed! It’s all I think about. Last night I even dreamt about it.”
Panel 2
Hector: “Did you know that weed is a genus of flowering plants that includes three putative species, Cannabis sativa, Cannabis indica, and Cannabis ruderalis. These three taxa are indigenous to Central Asia, and South Asia. Cannabis has long been used for fibre, for seed and seed oils, for medicinal purposes, and as a recreational drug…”
Panel 3
Jeremy: Uh, while I appreciate your passion for weed you do realize that you just planted some on pavement, right?
Hector: “The word cannabis is from Greek, which was originally Scythian or Thracian…"
Straight to the gutter again...
ONE BIG HAPPY
Panel 1:
"So there I was in the basement of Bingo Palace, twelve inches in each hand, and not a jar of mayonnaise in sight."
Panel 2:
"I said to myself ''Mildred", it's time to put up or shut up. Let's show these boys exactly why you were known as the deep throat debutante from 1948-1952."
Panel 3:
"And that's when they brought in the doped up water buffalo. Believe me when I tell you that I haven't seen such an awe-inspiring "pole" since Fryderyk Chopin."
Panel 4:
"This story is hot! I'm glad I brought my strap-on."
"Make it quick, dear."
ZITS
Panel 1:
“Ya know brah, a lot of people just don’t get me. They see my spiky hair and piercings and automatically assume that I’m a hooligan.”
Panel 2:
“But the truth is I’m a regular guy just like you. I’m a sensitive teenager with hopes and feelings.”
Panel 3:
“Maybe they just think you’re an idiot because you plant trees in parking lots.”
“Dude, the Clash is like the best band ever. “
Blondie
Panel 1
Dagwood- "Oh crap Blondie's home! I've been laying here farting on this couch all afternoon."
Panel 2
Dagwood- "If I hurry out the back door she'll just blame it on the dog."
Panel 3
Blondie- "Aha! Did you really think I wouldn't know your fart stench? Those monster sandwiches you eat produce an odor that could peel wallpaper."
Dagwood- "I swear it was Daisy!"
Panel 4
Blondie- "Now you're gonna go air out those cushions and then your gonna spray freshener..."
Dagwood- "Damn you tasty processed meats! Damn you all to hell!"
Mutt & Jeff
"Damn it woman that is the biggest bush I've ever seen! Are you a '70's porno star or something?"
"How rude! Obviously I've grown it to conceal my penis. Now if you and your midget would move I'll be on my way!"
MUTT & JEFF
“I distinctly asked for a ‘new door’, not a ‘nude whore’. Frankly I’m outraged!”
“Fuck off and give me 10 minutes alone with the little guy."
BLONDIE
Panel 1:
"HONK!!!"
"Oh dear God, I know that honk. Blondie wants me to help with the groceries.”
Panel 2:
“I HATE carrying groceries more than anything in the world."
Panel 3:
“You can’t make me help you if you can’t find me! And don’t look in the closet ‘cuz I’m not there!”
Panel 4:
“Who the hell are you and why are you staring at me?”
One Big Happy
Panel 1
Rose: “The other day I got out of bed and stretched and my arms got stuck in this position again.”
Panel 2
Rose: “My doctor called it ‘psychosomatic’ and told me that my arms would remain this way until I addressed the underlying psychological causes.”
Panel 3
Rose: “I told him that he was crazy. I’m perfectly happy with my life!”
Panel 4
Lady: “My word, Nick, did you just pass gas?”
Nick: “Works every time”
annie
1.
"oh great swami, i have misplaced the body of the man we murdered... it should be behind these bushes, but i can't find it anywhere!"
"i'll help you look."
2.
.........
3.
"leapin' lizards, don't eat that! it looks... humanoid!"
4.
"blech, i'm eatin' a person??? phththth!!!"
"yeah, found a body behind the bushes out back. tastes like chicken, don't it?"
Blondie
Panel 1
Dagwood: “Oh no, Blondie is going to want me to do chores and all I want to do is take a nap!”
Panel 2
Dagwood: “Not this time! I’ll take a nap in the closet, she’ll never find me there!”
Panel 3
Pfft!
Dagwood: *cough cough* gag
Panel 4
Dagwood: “Never fart in a closet”
one big happy
1.
"has anyone seen my cat (air quotes) "mr. tibbles"? i've looked in every room of the house..."
2.
"i've looked for (air quotes) "mr. tibbles" in the closet, in the fridge..."
3.
"i've looked for (air quotes) "mr. tibbles" in the basement and the attic... i'm getting frantic!"
4.
"what the hell are you doing?"
"my bad! "mr. tibbles" and i were playing a little game i like to call "find the gerbil"... just yell his name real loud and he should pop right out."
Zippy
Panel 1:
“Way to steal my jokes tonight, asshole! In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been using “I’m sporting a woody” for over 5 years now.”
“So what? No one pays attention to your jokes anyway because they’re too distracted by that retarded outfit you prance around in.”
Panel 2:
“Pretty funny, dickbag. By the way, Han Solo called and he wants his clothes back!”
“Tell him he’ll have to wait until I’m finished porking your mom tonight!”
Panel 3:
“What are you gonna pork her with? The erect penis that’s protruding from your face?”
“I swear to God if you ever mention my nose again I’m gonna use you for firewood!”
Panel 4:
“That was a fun improv, Bill. No hard feelings, right? I was totally joking about your nose.”
“No biggie, Zippy. By the way, I totally wasn’t kidding about banging your mother.”
Zippy
Panel 1
"Who you calling a clown! I'm no clown, I'm a pinhead! That's P-I-N-H-E-A-D, pinhead!"
"Yeah well your the one who started it by calling me a wooden knockoff of Richard Nixon!"
Panel 2
"Yeah well if the dirty politician fits! What are you doing with that schnoz anyway? Rooting for truffles?"
"You simple-minded twit! I'll have you know that this nose is a sign of royalty in certain areas of Europe!"
Panel 3
"If you think your gonna steal my spot on Merv Griffin with that lame act of yours you got another thing coming!"
"Hah! Like Merv would want you blinding his audience with that ridiculously loud clown suit!"
Panel 4
"I should have never let Rex Morgan talk me into buying this suit."
"Yeah dude, what the hell were you thinking?"
Annie
Panel 1
"I'm sorry! I didn't know that lamp was your home. Jeez! How do fit your fat ass in that little thing anyway? I'm sure it's in those bushes over there."
"It better be cue ball or I'mma unleash a can o' genie whoop ass on your ass!"
Panel 2
"Alright Warbucks we've been searching for three hours the lamp is not here and I've just knelt in dog shit! Your ass is toast!"
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzap!!
Panel 3
"Oh Daddy Warbucks I like you so much better as a man dog! Now Sandy has a friend to play with too!"
Panel 4
"Well Annie if you want to get technical I'm actually a mole-man. This transformation shit has made me ravenous! Rustle me up some more grub woman!"
"Yessir...uh...do you actually want grubs?"
Annie
Panel 1
Daddy Warbucks: ...but I'd trade it all to have my beloved teddy bear sled Rosebobo back.
Swami: Tough darts, old man. I'm two kids in a genie suit.
Panel 2
Narration panel up top there: So as Daddy Warbucks limped away, crying softly, The Swami Boys headed back to their subterranean home to await another victim...
Panel 3
Annie: Leapin' LIZARDS! That's so nice of you to offer one of your sons for me to marry. Gosh WOW! Should I pick the demin-wrapped pile of lard next to me or the hideous ferret man?
Panel 4
HFM: Chomphff b-hoomff! (Pffthss!) Pa fubba fufth chBOOMth! Buffuaffth wuuhg! (Pffthss pfthss!)
DWPOL: Wait, is this my belt? Before it looked like I was sitting in a chair. Am I glued to the chair?
Blondie
Panel 1
Dagwood: Holy shit! Air raid siren! I've got to get to the bomb shelter!
Panel 2
Dagwood: Too bad about the wife and the kids! It's every man for myself!
Panel 3
Dagwood: How was that honey? Awful enough?
Blondie: Shut up and strip, bad boy.
Panel 4
I sleep all day at home and work, I eat giant sandwiches and stay thin, and I've got an inexplicably hot wife who just did me in the closet. All this and I have the head of a cricket.
mutt & jeff
"for the love of mike, what are THOSE?"
"it's called polymastia, asshole; google it!"
Annie
Panel 1
Daddy Warbucks: “Punjab, it would appear that Mole Man has struck again, just look at this giant trench, can’t you do anything about it?”
Punjab: “I’m not all-knowing, Warbucks. Instead of complaining why don’t you help me locate the entrance to Mole Man’s tunnel system?”
Panel 2
Narration: -As Daddy Warbucks and Punjab search earnestly for Mole Man’s secret lair they are unaware that their quarry is close by and making a general nuisance of himself-
Panel 3
Annie: “Leapin' LIZARDS! You sure do like to eat, Mr. Mole Man! You ate mom’s entire dinner!”
Panel 4
Mole Man: (*chomp chomp*) “Youse guys got iny moh food? I’m stavin’ heah! Hey, Fat Pile, did anyone tell ya that you look just like John Goodman?”
FP: “Yeah, I get that all the time.”
One Big Happy
Panel 1
So let me get this straight, Harold comes home the other night holding his ass. He tells you a big cock 'n bull story about how some "Aliens" abducted him.
Panel 2
So these supposed "Aliens" went and explored him with an anal probe. Routing around up there like nobody's business.
Panel 3
Then he stumbles home smelling like a brewery to which he claims the "Aliens" used alcohol as an anesthesia to lessen the pain of the probe. Have I got it right so far Evelyn?
Panel 4
Evelyn- Well I know how it sounds Marie and I tell you I didn't believe a word of it either but when the dancing frog came out of his ass you could have knocked me over with a feather I tell ya.
Harold- Hang on, let me build up a good fart to blast the little fella out. Evvy, tell them to cue up "The Michigan Rag" and call call Warner Brothers they'll want in on this for sure!
Annie
Panel 1:
“Would you mind if I took a poop behind those bushes over there?”
“Nope. Would it be ok if I masturbated?”
Panel 2:
Narration: As Daddy Warbucks and Punjab perform their respective misdeeds, Johnny Sweatpants furiously ponders what to do with the next two panels.
Panel 3:
“Thank you so much for joining us for dinner, Sarah Jessica Parker! I’m a huge fan of your work. What’s it like to be married to Matthew Broderick?”
Panel 4:
“He ain’t no Ferris Bueller, let me put it that way. *scarf, scarf, chomp* Hey Tubby, you gonna eat that hunk of cheese?”
“Well, I was kinda saving it for… nah, you’re the guest, go ahead and take it.”
zippy
1
“No matter where you go or what you do, you live your entire life within the confines of your head!”
“Because they know the name of what I am looking for, they think they know what I am looking for!”
2
“We are all but recent leaves on the same old tree of life and if this life has adapted itself to new functions and conditions, it uses the same old basic principles over and over again. There is no real difference between the grass and the man who mows it!!”
"Everything leads us to believe that there is a certain state of mind from which life and death, the real and the imaginary, past and future, the communicable and the incommunicable, height and depth are no longer perceived as contradictor!!"
3
“Lean immortality, all crêpe and gold, Laurelled consoler frightening to behold,
Death is a womb, a mother's breast, you feign
The fine illusion, oh the pious trick! Who does not know them, and is not made sick
That empty skull, that everlasting grin?”
“Hélas, Lui, comme mille anges blancs qui se séparent sur la route, s'éloigne par delà la montagne ! Elle, toute froide, et noire, court ! après le départ de l'homme !”
4
“what th’FUCK is going on here?”
“Haven’t you heard? We’re pitching “Zippy” to th’ New Yorker!”
This submission is from Tony
Mutt & Jeff
Madam your bush and handbag match perfectly
Why thank you sir I got them at the Emperor's new thrift store
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