Crank

(2006) ****1/2

I'm writing a review of this as prep for the Horrorthon, but what I really wanted to do was get on the phone on the way out of the theater and tell everybody to go see it. The plot is simple: it's Speed without the vehicle. Jason Statham plays a hitman who wakes up feeling like crap and finds out why when he watches a video his killers left behind. He's been poisoned with the "Chinese synthetic shit" and his death is assured. After trashing his TV he starts to figure out it's pumping adrenaline -- and only that -- that's keeping him alive.

From there we get the knock-down, slam-dunk action movie of the type you hope to see any given summer. Why this got released on Labor Day with virtually no publicity I can't figure out. Any time our guy gets woozy, he's got to do something crazy or die. If you're like me and have a big man-crush on Jason Statham, you'll love just watching him lurch around acting like the world's biggest jerk, knocking down hospital patient's IV tubes and the like. The sheer demands of his condition result in the most outrageous behavior, and you'll thrill to every step whether it's a car chase, bloody violence, running around LA in a hospital gown or doing his girlfriend up against a vending machine in front of a busload of Asian schoolgirls.

Eve, the dippy-but-likeable girlfriend, is played by Amy Smart -- who I also have a crush on. She completes a decently original cast of characters, both foes and allies, that our hero uses to network his way to more heartbeats and revenge.

Enough said, you should go out there and see it. Figure out right now which night this week works for you and make the time, you won't be disappointed.