Panel 1“Yes! This magic necklace will look great with the navy blue shirt I stole from J. Crew earlier today!” “He’s right! I know the shirt he’s referring to!” Panel 2“This bald guy is pretty cool! I’m glad I chose to follow him around for the past couple of days!” Panel 3“Personally I think a crisp aqua button down would be a better match but what the hell do I know? I’m just an apparition!”
Family CircusMom: "He died for YOUR sins Dolly,YOURS! Now how do you feel about that?"Dolly: "Hungry, what's for dinner?"
Family CircusMom: "Dolly have you been watching the Exorcist again? The crucifix smells kinda fishy."
Bizarro"You do realize my tongue is relative in size with my snout. Oh well, your loss."
Family Circus"Mommy, isn't it odd that a religion should adopt an instrument of torture and execution as its sacred symbol?"
Bizarro"Yeah whatever, bitch. Alligators have existed for 200 million years. How's your species doing? Newsflash: you, your children and your family's next 10 generations are going to die. One day Homo sapiens will go extinct and my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandson will be there to mock you, perhaps at this very location."
Family Circus"Mommy, your ring finger is touching Jesus's balls!"
Family CircusNice try Mommy! You gotta have faith for that to work on me!
Spider-ManPanel 1Villain: “At last, the sacred medallion is mine! It has been said that he who possesses the medallion will enjoy great power!”Spider-Man: “Oh no, that numbskull Jameson held me up and now it’s too late.”Panel 2:Spider-Man: “No one knows what will happen when medallion is removed from the prince’s body”Panel 3:Prince: “Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”
Family Circus"Mother, for the last time, I'm not a vampire!"
Bizarro"What do you mean you thought I was a Gorn? What the hell is a Gorn? Do you want me to be a Gorn? I can do that, I can do that!
FoxTrotPanel 1“Behold, fair lady, I shall rescue you from the clutches of the evil troll!”“I don’t need your help”Panel 2“Oh?”“Frankly I find your assumption that I’m some sort of helpless female to be offensive. Typical male chauvinist pig!”Panel 3:“Dude, when did this stuff become so PC?”“I don’t know, but she’s not going to be happy when she learns that I just destroyed a village to impress her.”
Dick TracyPanel 1"I must say I'm not very comfortable with the idea of using torture to extract information." Panel 2"Do you really believe that the ends justify the means?" Panel 3"Dunno, but I really wish you wouldn't poop at work, Dick. It makes it very unpleasant for the rest of us."
cathy (i know it's not part of the contest but i can't help myself):ack! this is so unfair!!! how come i can't have an orgasm unless i punch myself in the nipple during an oreo binge??? ack!!!
SpidermanPanel 1" I say, Dr. Strange sure has impeccable taste in costume jewelry"'Dammit! I've been waiting hours for Strange to fall asleep so I could grab that sweet medallion!'Panel 2'It must be a one of a kind too. The blue and red stones would have gone perfectly with my suit.'Panel 3"Hah! Jokes on them, I'll just astroproject myself over to the Christmas Tree Shop and get another one."
FoxtrotPanel 1"Bruce will clobber you with spiked club and win this match""Bruce? Are you fucking serious? The only way your character could be any gayer was if you were wearing a cape. Oh wait, you ARE wearing a cape."Panel 2"sniffle""So uh, I guess this match goes to me. My perfect record remains unblemished."Panel 3"Dude, she totally beat you down without a single blow!""Holy shit, I just realized I don't have any pupils! How am I able to see!"
Dick TrackPanel 1"My stomach is killing me. I'll just sqeeze out a little squeaker to relieve the pressure. There, I hope no one noticed."Panel 2"OMG! I think my fart essence stunned Professor Weinblister!"Panel 3"So you say the Professor was fine one minute then suddenly went off the rails? Interesting...do you smell something nutty?"
Bizarro"Hey baby, you've heard of ribbed for her pleasure, well you ain't lived till you've tried 100% gator skin."
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