I'mnotmarcbutmyboyfriendis's Best of Horrorthon 2006

1. Favorite: Dawn of the Dead 2004. To all of the indie-snobs who turn their noses up on spec at remakes I say, "FACE!" Easily the most exciting movie I watched for the thon this year. Dawn04 managed to reach a level of sheer panic unmatched by its lurching ancestors.
2. Hidden gem award: Bad Dreams. If Dawn04 hadn't come around and kicked everyone square in the teeth, this one would have snagged my #1 overall spot. It stomped all over its big moments (the ventilation system spray scene -- glorious) and mustered up the tenderness for its subtler moments as well (the interlude flashback of the hippies sharing their dreamy thoughts about their upcoming demise is quietly chilling). Special mention to Trick or Treat. It wasn't scary in the slightest, but had a friendly script and a good heart. Honorable mention: Habit
3. Most Disturbing: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: the Beginning. I have kind of a synesthetic moment when I think of this movie: I can almost smell carnage on the air. This movie luxuriates in gore and grime like a pig in fly-covered shit. There isn't a single moment in this entire movie that isn't permeated with misery.
4. Scream Queen: Katheryn Winnick from Satan's Little Helper. Today we salute you, Satan's Little Helper Costume Designer for squeezing her curves into that eye-popping Renaissance outfit. According to the story, that was her mom's outfit the year before. Amanda Plummer in the same outfit? Let's just hope they never decide to make a prequel.
5. Worst: Memorial Day (doesn't deserve to be underlined. ptoooey.) If Satan's Little Helper can be held up as an example of the right way to make a straight-to-dvd b-level movie, then Memorial Day is its doppelganger. Awful in every category. Acting, lame. Script, lame. Bad Guy, lame. If you're going to make a really stupid horror movie that goes nowhere and chooses the most boring road to get there, the least you can do is cast people that are more fun to look at. Frump City. "honorable" mention: My Bloody Valentine, Lep3
6. So Bad It's Good Award: Leprechaun in Space. It's the tight-mouthed Austrian scientist that sealed it for me. Whenever I'm sad, whenever I feel like the burdens of this world are too heavy and my future is cast in shadow, I think of his face and the sun shines in. Also, Ice-T managing a straight face while pointing a gun at a warty midget was almost enough to make me pick Lep5, but Austro-power won out in the end. Honorable mention: CHUD 2
7. Goriest: Different kinds of gore, but TCM:B and Dawn04 can duke it out for this particular crown all the live-long day. And who's going to be the winner? Why, us!
8. Most memorable death: The first girl to get her ticket punched by the Slick in Creepshow 2. You can almost taste her pain as her skin sizzles away. It's kind of like lime and burning. Her death was like a delicious mexican meal. Also, if the guy who lost his legs in TCM:B had died from his wounds, he'd have won. Honorable mention: the chainsaw death in Dawn04
9. Best-looking monster: Richard Lynch in Bad Dreams when he's all face-melty. I also liked the old lady who becomes the first proof that zombie bite equals zombie in Dawn04.
10. Scariest: Dawn 04 and TCM:B can duke it out for this crown as well. Two different kinds of fear at work here. Dawn's was more like getting stabbed with a shiv. TCM:B's was more like getting thokked with a sledgehammer.

Note: the Shining, Creepshow, and the Wicker Man -- I didn't include these. I've seen them too many times and their original impact has been muted over time. Doesn't mean they're not great, and on an evenly balanced list, they'd have vied for any number of these.