Ask Optimus

The Heuristic Squelch is UC Berkeley's humor periodical -- Cal's answer to the Onion or the Harvard Lampoon. When I was still in school, several of my friends were the editiors and writers. I held onto all of the issues they published while I was an undergrad. The March 1999 issue featured an advice column by Autobot leader Optimus Prime (ghost written by Matt Holohan).

In the weeks before the release of the Transformers movie, Octo had wanted to scan the article from my copy and post it online. We never got around to it. Ironically, if we'd taken just a second to do some online research, we'd have discovered the article posted in its entirety on the HS website.

Inspired by the birthday of JPX, purveyor of mad Optimus love, I searched for the article this afternoon.

Here it is in its entirety.