Haiku Hump Day: Who is The One?

Results in wicked late. Whoah.

Nice work people! Some notable absences, but I understand you all have lives. Just know you were missed.

Making this kinda quick because I have to go to bed. Winner's at the bottom, here are some of my faves.

My very own lady jumped in for a few, and my favorite was the one telling the story of her jumping in for a few:

Julie

Can't logon at work,
So I'm writing some haikus.
Machines ain't no threat.

A nice little reminder that we've still got a ways to go before the AIs replace us.

I liked this one of Chris's for selfish reasons, because it reminded me of the one haiku I brought to the occasion

Do not try to write.
Only recognize the truth.
There is no Haiku.

Johnny Sweatpants did his usual cutting through the Gordian knot move with this beauty:

I would have eaten
The red pill AND the blue pill
With a shot of Jack

And Handsome Stan was on particular fire, both for courting newbies and stuff like this:

Damn! Oracle dead
Bring in the backup lady
Just like on Night Court

I never even watched enough Night Court to know they did that and I still think that's hilarious. And then:

That Architect speech
Lots and lots of big, big words
Took me three viewings

I actually found a transcript of his speech right after I saw Reloaded the first time. Very helpful. "Your five predecessors were, by design, based on a similar predication, a contingent affirmation that was meant to create a profound attachment...." Jesus.

Stan's best, imo:

"No spoon" - I get it
That's what I use every time
I eat "no yogurt"

In the end, though, I'm choosing not The One, but rather The Two, and they're Mr. and Mrs. AC.

AC herself for this great Flight of the Conchords reference:

how hot's trinity?
very hot. she's so hot she's
making me gay. bitch!

I like how your being a different gender than Brett allows you to subsitute "sexist" with "gay" and thereby meet the syllable requirements.

The real hook, though, was this one by Mr. AC

Robotic squid thing
Why do you harass me so?
Now I must zap you

Something so wonderfully detached about this, as if the speaker were unfamiliar enough with the Matrix future as to 1) use grandparent language like "robotic squid thing" and "zap", and 2) be unaware why it was harassing him. And yet this person actually is there and is being subject to all the trials that world has to offer. Plus "now I must zap you" is a great turn of phrase.

Maybe 50PageMcGee can enlighten the group about a similar quote on his voicemail's outgoing message.

Thanks party people!