Thursday, May 14, 2009

Rangarok 'n' Roll - With the Winner Comes Salvation!!!


“Blessed is he that readeth, and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand.

I was in the Spirit on the Haiku Hump Day, and heard behind me a great voice, as of a trumpet,

Write the things which thou hast seen, and the things which are, and the things which shall be hereafter;

For the great day of his wrath is come; and who shall be able to stand?”

Blah blah blah. And so on and so forth. All verbatim from Revelations. But those were the ONLY relevant passages, among dozens. There is absolutely no coincidence between the seven angels in Revelations and the seven contributors to this particular Haiku Hump Day. None whatsoever. (I don’t count me. Anyway…)

"Is that AC on the far left?"

AC – SO super-strong right out of the gate, and more than willing to dive in and help a brother out on his (seemingly doomed) Haiku Day about Doomsday:

pandemic humor
if swine flu DID wipe us out
i might die laughing

last moment wishes:
call my brother, hug husband,
then devour his brain

Cat – warped, absolutely warped. Future apocalypse (or not) will be AS unexpected and randomly crazy as a cross section of her haikus. She managed to cover just about every strange parallel universe or possible future I could ever hope (or want to avoid) seeing:

Twenty twelve the end
Def Leppard cd sales soar!
Armageddon it!

"Are you getting it? Frankly, Joe, I'm not."

She covered that, in addition to the human race’s fate being spun away on Wheel Of Fortune. Plus a quick dig at Richard Simmons. And JSP with dead cats. AND her own personal corpse on a toilet. AND finally taking out Jehovah’s Witnesses:

World of Jehovah's
Whose doors would they knock on then
I'd rather be dead

“So true…so true. And that’s right – I picked this picture. Think about it.”

JSP – for the Debbie Downer Doom n/ Gloom Super-Depressing Haiku, I can only say that I am impressed with your ability to take an already huge downer of a topic, and come up with 17 syllables that should make any rational human being throw up their hands in despair, and stick their heads in their oven immediately:

We all slowly choke
Humans can no longer breathe
In the atmosphere


Okay, man, I GOT it – we’re all going to die horribly. Jeez, who invited Dr. Doom to the Big Downer Doom Party? (Which gets funnier and funnier the more I think about it. Here, we’re all supposed to goof off and be irreverent and hilarious about (yay!) our own impending doom, and JSP pretty much comes in with a Hindenburg-style haiku that basically just takes the joint down in flames. In a manner of speaking.) Well done, sir!

Fortunately, he tempered this nuclear, scorched-earth poetry with a counterpoint:

Pondering the end
Will not get you anywhere
Why not play Pacman?


I might add, for al the bullshit surrounding The King Of Kong, Billy Mitchell DID in fact achieve what no other mortal has ever accomplished – the PERFECT Pac-Man game. And he looks a little like Jesus.


Octo – the West Coast Advantage serves you well, my friend. It was just simply these two:

When everyone's gone
I'm heading to the toy store
For all the Legos


The first for the notion of an end-of-the-world scenario that we all want to embrace: something, some turn of events that turns the whole world into an inadvertent paradise for each of us specifically. (Me: somehow, the Death Comet wipes out only stupid people and I am elected Super-Cool King of Everything; Cat: every other form of life besides her husband, kids, 50 supermodels for her kids to breed with, and every single cat on Earth are wiped out; JSP and JPX: same as mine, but they’re Super-Cool Kings of Everything In Some Other Place And Kiss Plays All The Time, etc. etc….)

When the comet comes
Taking lead from coyote
Small pink parasol


And the second for what is regarded in the realm of comedy routines as a brilliant thing, if you do it correctly: the callback. His return to the Coyote’s parasol had me rolling, both for the imagery and for the fact that he made me laugh out loud twice with the same image, for very different reasons.

That little parasol
Won't stop boulders, Coyote
Good try anyway
(courtesy Horrorthon, Saturday Morning Cartoons, 3/12/09, 2:42 AM PST)

And with that selection, and much more importantly, what Octo has touched upon, is the deeper notion of not only laughing at the idea of doomsday and death, but also meeting everything headlong with a comic panache and swagger. Well done, sir. Congratulations!

And I’ll leave you with this:

“To the well-organized mind, Death is but the next great adventure.”

Albus Dumbledore


AC said...

handsome stan, awesome hump day winner announcement. thank you for my honorable mention. i came clean with mr. ac about sacrificing him for the sake of a haiku, and he has chosen to forgive me.

congratulations yet again octopunk! i don't know how you do that last minute thing but your contributions are always cherce.

(am i the only thonner who thinks catfreeek's all-too-realistic "death of jsp" haiku saga needs to be made into a short film, or a comic strip at the very least?)

Catfreeek said...

Congrats Octo, you made me laugh out loud too. Way to sneak in with some last minute zingers.

Thanks for the mention Stan & AC I'm so glad to know that someone out there can appreciate my warped and overworked mind.
AC a comic strip would be funny :)

Catfreeek said...

For the record, I really thought JSP's sex with anything Haiku had the win this week. I was about to toss in the hat after reading that one.
Great topic Stan.

AC said...

catfreeek, did jsp's mom ever really call you the spawn of satan, or was that poetic license?

Octopunk said...

Denk choo! Denk choo! Gosh, I am surprised. I thought "hug husband, then eat brain" was the killer.

Good topic, Standsome Han, and excellent post presentations as usual. I'm noodling up next week's topic as we speak! Here's a hint:


No, just kidding. No hints.

Catfreeek said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Catfreeek said...

Let's just call it poetic license.

HandsomeStan said...

Believe me, I was torn. I even had to chop my summation in half, because I just kept going on and on and on.

Sex with anything, husband's brain, and all of Fitty, JPX and Dan's Brain's stuff had me on a knife edge.

And AC, I wouldn't say Cat is using "poetic license." I believe the term is "paraphrasing."

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Great topic! Congrats Octo! High fives all around!