First rule of Horrorthon is: watch horror movies. Second rule of Horrorthon is: write about it. Warn us. Tempt us. The one who watches the most movies in 31 days wins. There is no prize.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Repent, Ye Horrorthonners! The End Is Nigh! Haiku Hump Day Presents: Armageddon. Ragnarok. Judgement Day. The End Of The World.
Now, don’t go getting depressed about this. Here’s a subject I’ve always found fascinating, especially in these charged times we live in now. Every single culture throughout history has evolved a different legend or legends surrounding our demise as a people. The Bible has The Flood PLUS Revelations (two different world endings!), the Vikings had Ragnarok, which comes from two words, ragna, meaning “a bunch of different Marvel comics characters,” and rok, which means “fuck up the whole world.”
I must confess to a certain eyebrow-raising when it comes to the approaching end-date of the Mayan calendar, usually pegged at December 21, 2012 (some have it as the 23rd). A vanished civilization perfects a way to count thousands of years into the past and future, and that same vanished civilization believed that the Earth had five ages’ worth of life.
The fifth and last age, or cycle, started in 3114 BC and ends in 2012 AD. An odd coincidence with both the Hebrew “start date” for the Earth (4000 BC), and the overall length of the Age of Pisces (ending around now, with the Age of Aquarius next…)
If you start to look at the overall accelerated pace of life over the last century, and our quantum leaps forward in technology, warfare and sheer numbers of people around, it doesn’t take an Al Gore to start to wonder how long our present pace and growth can be sustained, and whether or not we’re bucking towards some kind of major shift.
Granted, we’ve been through dozens and dozens of supposed “End of the World” dates in our lifetimes. December 31st, 1999 came and went without one plane dropping out of the sky or one single appearance by any former Jewish carpenters.
And we’ve passed through some very real scary times, where it looked like we might bring about our own end.
"Sooooooo 1962. Borrrrrr-rrrrrrring!!!"
I’ve always been a fan of the Big Death Comet. There’s pretty much no arguing with this one. And I loved the Merry Christmas post on the blog last year with this video.
"Maybe we can just hide in the basement for a while."
It’s my personal view that some sort of momentous Thing is coming soon. I don’t believe it will be widespread death & destruction, nor will it be ANYTHING even remotely religious or spiritual. The End Of The World As We Know It will be simply that: an end to the way things have been done previously. It may be a gradual process, or it may not be. But my money is on technology, and how it will lead us directly to a singularity where the very real concept of the Hive Mind will render our prior ways of thinking and interacting with each other pretty much moot. Except for the red states.
See Also
So, whether you think the whole concept is a load of hooey, or you’re deeply convinced that we’re a hair’s breadth away from worldwide catastrophe, or maybe you just really can’t stand the sound of Michael Stipe’s voice, give us your best 17 syllables on The End Of The World As We Know It.
"REPENT!!!"
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Howdy, gang! I'm sure this will be a very uplifting haiku subject for everyone. (Cut to: Thursday, when I award myself the prize for having 1 total comment)
Anyway, I'm working until the wee hours tonight, so I'll check in as often as I can. Remember, don't forget about aliens, or climate change, or what you'd do with your last hours, etc.
Here we go:
A bunch of insects
Plus some disease and hunger
Lame Revelations
ChaCha, Pandora,
The Internet and cell phones
Soon head chips = Hive Mind!
Can’t wait to find out
Which religion is correct
Probably not mine
Fireworks needed
If Jesus floats down to us
THEN I’ll change channels
Aliens arrive
That'll be an awesome day
Call in sick to work
come on, guys! can't leave
handsome stan hanging. let's see,
i bet: zombie hordes!
(maybe because i'm
reading dana's "world war z"
- zombies on the brain.)
pandemic humor
if swine flu DID wipe us out
i might die laughing
last moment wishes:
call my brother, hug husband,
then devour his brain
Poor Mr. AC
Just wanted to watch the news
Zombie wife hungry!
(Thanks for the zombie reminder, AC! Completely forgot about THAT scenario...)
A big worldwide flood
All animals to The Ark!
Are those ducks smirking?
Got Bruce and Arnold
Only ones we need against
Comets and robots
star trek tos
had it covered: a doomsday
machine run amok
not God, but nature
revolts and strikes us all down:
killer platypi!
bitter hypnotist
stages mass induction; all
commit suicide.
The end of the world
R.E.M. says we’ll feel “fine”
I hate R.E.M.
The last day on Earth
What would you do with your time?
I think I’d get drunk
What if you were sick
on the day the world ended?
That would kind of suck
I would rather die,
the day before the world ends
Ignorance is bliss
Twenty twelve the end
Def Leppard cd sales soar!
Armageddon it!
Horrorthon ending
Flesh eating ghouls take over
Zombie nation rules!
Nukes, flu, meteor
flood,famine,plague?Pat spins wheel
Vanna shows our fate
Far fetched you may say
why not end as a game show
just somehow seems right
My comforting thought?
JPX on pig planet
still makes me giggle
We all slowly choke
Humans can no longer breathe
In the atmosphere
One day left to live
Sex with anything that moves
Anything that moves
Pondering the end
Will not get you anywhere
Why not play Pacman?
Don't get me started
On the things that annoy me
About REM
Friggin' Nightswimming
"You cannot see me naked"
We don't want to Stipe
a ghastly image
jsp humps platypus
as it rends his flesh
Ok here's the scene JSP just painted into my mind.
JSP is here
end of world announced on news
grabs one of my cats
Cat freaks,Catfreeek freaks
grabs a cast iron skillet
whomps JSP's head
Cat runs off wailing
news lady says, "April fools!"
JSP bled out
Catfreeek now panicked
buries him in the back yard
then shoots the tv
She ponders his Mom
and thinks, "She's right, I am the
spawn of Satan, damn!"
A last day nightmare
stuck in an elevator
with Richard Simmons
The end of the world
Religious nuts have last laugh
"See, we told you so!"
By time the world ends
We will have colonized mars
Humanity lives!
One refreshing thought
No more Gov. Sarah Palin
See, it's not so bad
With all my bad luck
I will pay off my mortgage
The day Earth blows up
The end of the world
it happens on a Tuesday
Damn! Gonna miss Lost
If I survive it
I'm all about a dismal
Sci-fi style future
I'll have adventures
Post Apocalyptic style
Like Mad Max or Knights
How can the world end
If it never existed?
Chew on that, Curly
Pestilence, disease,
Hunger, and a Fifth Horseman!
JSP's ex-wife!
(after sex with a robot, and then the platypii and cats, I couldn't resist...)
If Jesus returned
I would scold him for sending
Such mixed messages
Dying in your sleep
the night before the world ends
Would be poetic
If it's a plague death
and all humans are wiped out
what about my cats?
If it's a famine
people would beat down my door
to eat my poor cats
If it's a big nuke
gather the family to die
the cats come with us
A weird plague hits us
But humans not effected
death by zombie cats
Imagine the horror
You're in the space shuttle
And the Earth explodes
After the world ends
There would be no one to haunt
Ghost obsolescence
As far as end songs
I'm not choosing REM
I'll go with The Doors
I'm just hoping that
if I die a sudden death
I'm not on toilet
A Horrible thought
future Archaeologists
my corpse on toilet
More embarrassing
JSP sudden death scene
just think about it
I hope it ends quick
Not some horrible disease
Just an explosion
What if you survived?
I'd head to the library
With extra glasses
Life After People
History Channel's new show
Kind of addictive
Humans get wiped out
Yet animals and plants thrive
How come they're immune?
Had yourself frozen?
Bummer for you when the gas
goes off. I'm melting!
Always remember!
If you're the last person left,
Have extra glasses!
The one thing to do
Play eighteen holes right away
No more lawnmowers
Dogs and cat zombies
There's something for everyone
Romero's next one
Wouldn't it be fun
To waste away that last day
With some Cheech & Chong
The positive side
no more bills, work or sickness
so what if your dead
Worst scenario
Jehovah Witness is right
so they survive it
World of Jehovah's
Whose doors would they knock on then
I'd rather be dead
Unhappiest: Pets
When we go, how will they eat?
Chewing their own paws
When the moment comes
Plan ahead: be home early
Not stuck in traffic
When you know it's time
Make sure you have clean undies
What would God think? Slob.
5OP's last day
Say bye to the family
Get caught up on LOST
When everyone's gone
I'm heading to the toy store
For all the Legos
What about nanites?
My dissembler horde escaped
We're gonna be sludge
I fought dissemblers
With dissembler dissemblers
Aaaand we're all sludge now
When the comet comes
Taking lead from coyote
Small pink parasol
"Aaaand" should count as more than one syllable.
I sincerely hope that when Judgement Cometh, it's a haiku competition for the human race. MOST of this blog would be welcomed as the new Kings and Queens of Heaven. Or, for the atheists among us, reincarnated as sentient bolts of lightning that strike down stupid people for pleasure. (Do atheists believe in reincarnation? Probably not, but how cool would it be to be a bolt of lightning?)
As always, a monstrously difficult choice faces me, especially with Octopunk opening his usual Seventeen Seals at 10 seconds until Rapture. If Haiku Hump Day had an All-Star Team, it's everyone that showed up this week for my (horrible downer of a) topic. (My other option was Pornography, but I'll save that for another time. Start with Death, then go to Sex is my motto. Which is a terrible, terrible motto.)
Aaaaaand, I'm reviewing everything over a nice cold adult beverage after returning from a 17-hour day at 3am. I may very well sleep on this, and let my haunted, apocalyptic subconscious help me out overnight.
It is always my utmost pleasure and honor to be amongst you crazy cats. Gives me hope for the future of the human race...
hi every person,
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