Thursday, October 10, 2013

The Monster Squad


(1987) ***

JPX reviewed this many years ago, and gave it 2.5.  While I'm giving it a similar score, I feel I should point out that my 3 stars are primarily based on nostalgic points.  I saw this movie so many times when I was 8,9, 10 years old,I actually did start a monster squad.  It consisted of me, my friend Grant, and his 5-year old brother.  The two of them are now doctors.  I teach math.  Hmmm.

Anyway, a group of 12-year old boys are obsessed with monsters.  They meet in a treehouse bigger than my home to talk about monsters.  A middle-school boy also joins the club at the same time that Dracula awakens the whole cadre of Universal Pictures monsters to try to take over the world.  And of course, these 5 adolescents have to save us all.

JPX mentioned a few reasons why this movie is inappropriate, but I disagree with him.  I believe this movie is WILDLY, ABSURDLY inapproriate.  For example, when the cool middle-schooler shows up, this is the very first thing he does:
 

Yeah.  He's 13, and he lights up.  This isn't the only scene this happens either.  He's seen smoking in the clubhouse, smoking at a restaurant.  He even has an unlit cigareete dangling from his mouth when he's using a bow & arrow to kill Dracula's brides. 

Then there's one of the kid's dad/police chief.  He is smoking in every scene.  He smokes, blows it in his kid's face, and then smokes some more.  Speaking of said police chief dad.  He hangs his gun on the bed's footboard.  So, we get a scene with the 12-year old squad leader coming in to replace all of the bullets of his father's gun.  Yes, that's a great message for kids - just sneak out your parent's gun, and play with it. 

JPX's review does mention the continual use of "fat kid" as the name for the, well, for the fat kid, Horace.  But hey, we're supposed to feel better for him at the end, because he uses a shotgun...


Then, there's the completely pointless subplot of a troubled marriage by a kid's parents, and the joyous realization at the end that the 5-year-old little sister is a virgin! 

Again, major nostalgia points, and hey, this movie even had a rock n roll montage and a proprietary rap song over the credits.  So '80s.  It almost makes me sad that we never got to see this movie...


10 comments:

Crystal Math said...

I think I have to see this.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Did you concoct that poster Trevor? I would love to see that movie!

Catfreeek said...

I agree, the 2nd looks far better than the first.

Octopunk said...

I was out of the target range of this movie when it rolled around on cable and only watched it once. At this point I realized I was about to say exactly what I said when JPX reviewed it, so I'll just plagiarize myself:

"I recall the moment when my indifference transformed into hatred: when the fat kid cocked his shotgun and said 'My name' (click-chak!) 'is Horace!' It's just wrong to see an 11-year-old kid cocking a shotgun."

Also, that just isn't a name you say with pride. I'm surprised the kids didn't laugh and say "what a totally fat name!"

Trevor said...

The poster from the 2nd comes from a fan-made movie thing. Here's the 5-minute "trailer" on youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwEAj4WLZQU

It actually isn't very funny.

JPX said...

I think the greatest travesty is that the story does not take advantage of having all the classic monsters in one place - They should be in every scene together! I haven't seen this in a long time but I remember that the film is replete with inappropriate language/behavior for a 12-year old cast. Was this rated PG? Nice summary.

Landshark said...

Wow, this sounds kind of awesome.

JPX said...

That's what I thought, Landshark, it's not!

DCD said...

It does sound fun - bummer about the wildly inappropriate everything.

AC said...

I think the wildly inappropriate part is the only appeal for me, otherwise it sounds lame.